my thoughts in Facebook

.. true love works and grows in full ".. trust .." .. like the trust we have with GOD, our Father in Heaven .. even if we don't see HIM, we trust HIM that HE will never forsake us, that HE loves us, that HE is always there for us, and that HE is faithful and will fulfill all HIS promises to us .. have ".. faith .."

"acknowledge GOD in everything,submit to HIS leading,be obedient,trust HIM fully & have faith..that whatever happens..GOD is in control & HE allows it to happen to fulfill HIS will,don't limit our understanding in our human perspective,try to see things as GOD sees it,if we don't understand or if we don't sees it as how HE may sees it,the most we can do is trust GOD that HE knows what HE is doing..HE has a plan..greater to what we can thought of..with GOD nothing is impossible,HE is faithful & will fulfill all HIS promises..I LOVE GOD so much!! "

‎.. fight the enemy!! fight!! .. be sensitive to GOD's leading.. be still.. watch and observe.. be sensitive to the hands of GOD.. ask for wisdom.. HE is in control, HE allows the bad things to happen, bec. our faith is being tested.. HE knows our extent, HE knows how to stretch us and to make us grow.. hold on.. HE is at work.. trust HIM is the key, have faith is the formula and Prayer is the answer.. just believe.. and faithfully wait for HIS time, wait for GOD.. :D

forgiveness and fear

..forgiveness is a process to prove and show love.. to perfect love too.. love your enemy sabi sa Bible..so the process is to forgive repeatedly everyday..one of the hardest, but that is the only way to please GOD and have inner peace..to forgive is freedom from sin and their sin toward us..the past days i need to forgive several people repeatedly..

‎.. mahirap din mag forgive if hindi naman sila nag ask ng forgiveness.. then yung iba contineously try to hurt you.. so ano gagawin? pause pray (pray that GOD will give strength to handle the situation and forgive, that they dont know what they are doing ) and hanap ng outlet para ilabas..

‎..i believe to those who are able to discern.. should be the one to understand and pray for the situation.. and be the first to forgive.. forgiveness is like loving.. it is given without condition.. just love.. just forgive... ganun... "hirap yan hehe"

‎.. mahirap and nakakapagod ang magalit... mas madali ang hindi..mas masarap ang feeling na laging happy and joyful.. pag galit hindi dapat mandamay ng tao.. dont satisfy the anger inside.. dont let or do something for others to stumble.. pray and discern what to do.. think long term not short term.. kaya dapat BE STILL.. sometimes people get mad bec. they dont get what they want..or you dont give them what they need... nagiging impatient sila that leads them to be mad... life is not like that.. there is always GOD's time for everything.. GOD's way not our way... what if si GOD ang put ng time limit or deadline sa lahat ng tao.. edi yari tayo .. Hell bagsak natin lahat.. kase hindi maantay ni GOD na mag repent tayo.. but again GOD has HIS way and HIS own time for everything..so trust GOD.. :D

‎.. GOD's way and GOD's time is always perfect .. :D

Love for enemies Luke 6:27-36

‎"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you."If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

‎..Elijah too feared... GOD meet his needs and restore him so that he could continue to serve..

fear is a phantom giant. drifting in through cracks in the floorboards or filtering down like a chilling mist, the fog called fear whisper omens of the unknown and the unseen. surrounding individuals in its binding, billowing robe, the creatures hisses, "what if?" "what if".. one blast of its awful breath transforms saints into atheists reversing a person's entire mind-set. its bite releases a paralyzing venom in its victim and it isn't long before doubt begins to dull vision.
to one who falls full weight on its attack, the creature displays no mercy. it falls full weight on its back and laughs with glee at its crippled plaything and circles for another savage assault. lurking in the shadows around every imaginable corner it threatens to poison your inner peace and outer poise. bully that it is, the creature relies on scare tactics and surprise attacks. it watches for your vulnerable moment then picks the lock that safeguards your security. once inside it strike quickly to transform spiritual muscle into mental mush. and the prognosis for recovery is neither bright nor cheery. ~ Tim La Haye

Henry David Thoreau wrote: nothing is much to be feared as fear..

what is GOD trying to tell Elijah? simply this, "Elijah, I'm not in the midst of it. What I actually want you to see is My power to judge. Elijah, I don't care what Jezebel wrote. I don't care what she said. I don't care what she's done in the past or what she'll do in the future. Be reminded that I am GOD of great power, and I can snuff them out right now if I want to."

.. the antidote for fear is to trust GOD ..

‎.. being born in a Christian family.. or being raised inside the church or being in the church for your whole life.. does not make anyone higher or better than any other sinners in this world... we are all sinners.. so we all have to forgive the sins, transgressions and shortcomings of the people around us... :D

how many people do we need to forgive everyday?? in my case surprisingly not just one..sometimes a day there's 2.. 3.. 4..or a person many times need to be forgiven in a day.. am I just sensitive? or nagkataon im just put to test.. my whole life... i think i know GOD is teaching me to love perfectly .. so HE always put me sa mga mala-drama and challenging life..so that ill learn to forgive the seem impossible to forgive or seem unforgivable situations and people in life.. :D

.. hmm for me as of now.. there is 2 types of forgiveness... 1st forgiveness labas sa ilong.. what is that? sinasabi nila forgiven na pero sa heart hindi pa.. 2nd true forgiveness.. forgiving wholeheartedly despite of.. :D meron pa ba? may naisip pa ba kayo?? :"D hehehe

.. if you find it hard to forgive others.. have your quiet time with GOD.. intimate talk .. be true to oneself .. after all GOD knows all .. who can lie.. reflect .. who really are you .. what are the things you did that seem to displease GOD .. dissect your life .. everything that you do, did and does .. your heart .. and what do you think GOD thinks of you and sees you .. then listen to HIM .. after you'll realize what a sinner you are .. super nakakahiya kay GOD .. shame on us!

‎..but GOD is merciful and forgiving .. isipin mo despite ganun tayo kasama still HE is faithful to us .. HE never forsake us .. and us being sinner makes HIM more Holy .. !!

..guilty feeling? grabe if na-feel mo yan mahihiya and mapapaiyak ka talaga.. how could we not forgive sinners like us.. if si GOD Holy yet forgives us.. even we dont really deserve it... eh tayo sinner na nga hindi pa ba natin ma-forgive yung kapwa sinner natin eh wala naman tayo pinag kaiba sakanila... and think... we too sin.. maybe consequencce ng sin natin yung sin ng iba ..diba?? ;D

‎.. what is true repentance .. turning back from it (sin) ..what is true ask of forgiveness .. effort of mending broken relationships .. not just by words but by actions .. with love, faith, hope, patience and GOD's grace ..

heart and mind

i realize that in a relationship..it is better that you get hurt and feel hurt.. because if you don't ... there is no love...

and it is true that the mind cannot teach the heart..

the mind cannot teach the heart to stop loving.. likewise.. the heart cannot teach the mind to love...

but in the end... love would always be a decision.. :D

i miss blogging

i miss my blog..i miss writing..in highschool..i really got low grades in english..1st its english..im not good with it..2nd grammar..im poor in it..3rd spelling..oh my too late for me to realize that spelling is not to be memorized :)) 4th im poor in constructing sentences..poor in essay writing..but it was weird on year 2008 when i started to love writing..there is something in writing.....one good way for me to share my thoughts..because im not good in public speaking.. i stutter alot...oh well since then im dreaming to have books authored by me to be in print someday... Ow.. it is free to dream... :D

im loving to read too.. i get to relax when im reading books.. weird... in my younger years.. i hate to read.. as in.. it feels like someone is hitting my head everytime i read books.. "parang binabatukan ...ako :)) " funny isnt it... then another weird thing happen to me last 2007 .. i started to love reading.. now.. im enjoying reading books.. i dont really watch t.v..because preferrably i enjoy reading more.. sometimes i dont know how to operate our t.v. na nga eh.. dont know how the buttons of the remote function.. :)) and I thank GOD for this weird changes that is happening to me.. surely it is from GOD.. and im loving it hehehe

pause and pray

sometimes in life, there are things i want to do, inshort my will, so tempted.. felt like i'll be alot happier and it'll be alot easier.. but everytime.. i pause then pray because i thought of HIM.. it is like... wait!!! oppsies.. this life is not mine.. it is HIS.. it is not me.. it is always HIM.. look at Christ, He also did pause and pray in Luke 22 in the Garden of Gethsemane...may we always have the heart of "not what I will,but what HIS will.." let us strive to fulfill HIS will in our lives..

why pause and pray?? because we don't want to ruin GOD's will for us... we don't want to make HIM feel that we are pursuing our will not HIS... so we pause to seek HIS will.. it is like respect.. one way we show HIM how much we love HIM...it is to know what to do.. in every step of our lives... in accordance with HIS will... How to seek HIS will.. pray.. read the Bible.. then you will have the discernment.. base from every scripture in the Bible..

better hurt

if people hurt you, just smile... instead of raising your right hand intending to slap them, hold it and let it meet with your left hand..then pray for them...ask GOD to forgive them for they don't know what they do...for 8 yrs im holding to this in my mind that "it is better to be hurt than to hurt" in tagalog.. "mas mabuti na ikaw ang saktan.. kaysa ikaw ang makasakit.." :)))

trials of so many kinds

the past days I realize why GOD give trials of so many kinds in our life… it happens, for us to be more Christ like…. we have to strive to immitate who He is….His response and reactions to every circumstance...to please GOD… not man….if you truly walk in the will of GOD, you will experience the suffering of Christ….then you will appreciate Him repeatedly and remindedly says HE is real and over and over believe that He is truly the Son of GOD... the Holy one… It is hard to be Holy and be Christ like...try…you will experience being killed alive over and over again… but we can always strive...by reading the Bible and knowing Him more by heart not by mind….I can say I am truly blessed with all my trials… If you stumble , get up, pray and seek GOD… if you truly walk in GOD's will...you will surely be put to trial...GOD allows the enemy to attack us and be put to test, GOD is testing what would our response be, HE is testing our faith in HIM, our obedience, our trust, our love for Him, how much we know Him and upto when are we are willing to obey…there will come a point where you will also ask GOD, GOD why have you forsaken me?? you will ask HIM, is this really your will for me?? but think even… Christ also did ask GOD “Abba Father why have you forsaken me??” but in the end when He says "it is finished…" He commend His Spirit to GOD, still acknowledging GOD to be GOD and surrendering His life again in full authority to GOD..GOD promise never to forsake us.. what more if we do HIS will..

let us all be Christ like, be sensitive with the work by grace of the Holy Spirit in our lives… because if we do.. we will see the hands of GOD in OUR lives…

GOD is in control

1. GOD is to be praised, for HE is in control, if you trust HIM, you will experience HIM. you will see HIS goodness and power.

2. Have a true and pure heart, a contrite heart after GOD's heart. submit to HIS will. submit to HIS power. submit to HIS plans. submit to HIS leading. Trust and Obey.

3. Love GOD with all your heart, love HIM only, for HE loves us. HE is worthy.

4. If you hear GOD, always listen and follow. then you will be happy.

5. Life with GOD is complete. HE is faithful with us. HE is faithful with HIS words.

6. Always be humble, as in always, in all circumstance. Be kind and loving to one another. These is what HE wants.

7. Let one's word be few, for GOD is in heaven and we are on earth.

8. Live for HIM. for HE never change.

Praise GOD

GOD is at work.

spa

this is a super relax blessed day for me.. woke up early spent whole morning with GOD.. talked to HIM in prayer for more than 2 hours, study HIS words (Psalms, Proverbs), reminded & guided by other scriptures, read a book, reflected on devotional materials, half day for HIM, that's a whoot whoot.. its a wow.. im super blessed to have this body, heart, mind and soul spa... so relax.. sana pwede ako everyday ganito.. c",) hay .. i miss this lifestyle.. sana im given 30 hours a day.. and spend 6 hours for GOD... everyday!!! hay.. swapang ko talaga sa time.. lagi nalang kulang time..super busy mj!! toink!

The Battle Is The Lord’s

2 Chronicles 20:1515… Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.

When faced with a problem or challenge, we tend to ask ourselves, “What am I going to do?” And well-meaning family members and friends will come along and ask, “What are you going to do?”
Jehoshaphat faced a multitude of enemies. But instead of focusing on what he would do, he prayed, “O our God, will You not judge them? For we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.” (2 Chronicles 20:12)
When we turn our eyes to God, we will hear Him say, “Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s... You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord…” (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17)
But standing still is the last thing we want to do when the enemy is coming against us. It is also the most difficult thing to do because we feel that we cannot just stand around and do nothing — we must try to save the situation. But God wants us to stand still and see Jesus our salvation fight for us.
So what do you do the next time you are faced with a battle and don’t know what to do? Jehoshaphat sent his singers to the front of the army to proclaim, “Praise the Lord, for His mercy endures forever.” (2 Chronicles 20:21) Some people will wonder, “Does that mean that I just sing and don’t do anything else when I have a problem?” No, that is not what I am saying.
Do what the situation requires, but don’t worry and don’t trust in what you do. Like Jehoshaphat, rest and trust in His mercy that endures forever. When you do that, God will turn your battlefield into the Valley of Berachah. Berachah means “blessings”. The children of Israel gave the battlefield this name because it took them three days to gather all the spoils of war! God turned their situation into a great blessing! (2 Chronicles 20:25–26)
Do you have a battle to fight? Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord!

Let Your Heart Be Established By Grace

Hebrews 13:9

it is good that the heart be established by grace…

God does not want your heart full of worries and fears, tossed and turned by every challenge that comes your way. He wants your heart at rest and established by His grace toward you.
But when you think that the breakthroughs to your challenges depend on your ability to obey God, then your heart will not be at rest. It will be full of worries and anxieties. Why? Because you can never obey God perfectly.
But when you depend on God’s grace, that is, His undeserved, unmerited favor, the opposite happens — your heart becomes established. When you know that the only thing that qualifies you to receive God’s blessings is faith in the finished work of Christ, your heart becomes established. Then, you will walk without the fear of your troubles swallowing you up. You will walk with full assurance that His blessings will be manifested in your life.
My friend, God wants your heart established, knowing that His righteousness, healing, protection and prosperity are yours — all paid for by Jesus’ finished work at the cross. God’s blessings are sure in your life because they are not dependent on your ability to keep His laws, but Jesus’ perfect obedience.
You see, under the old covenant, you receive God’s blessings only if you keep all His laws. (Deuteronomy 28:1–2) If you sin and fail to keep even one law, you will be disqualified from receiving His blessings. But today, under the new covenant, your sins no longer disqualify you because God Himself has said, “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.” (Hebrews 8:12)
So let your heart be established by God’s grace. Because of His grace, you have full access to His blessings. You no longer have to worry about whether you are good enough. You can stand firm on the promises made in His Word and enjoy His blessings today because Jesus has paid the price. Your part is only to believe and receive!

Proud

i believe that let the reason to forgive is love...

1st thought: you won't hate a person, if you didn't love him first

2nd thought: you will only get affected with a person if that person means something to you.. so if they don't mean any.. you won't get affected..

it ain't really easy to just forget and forgive.. but love made it easy..

how?
last tuesday i talked to a friend.. she told me that it could be that this is the true reason why...

she heard that this guy (the one I loved.. ) likes a girls so much, and then his parents made an investigation about the girl's family background.. they found out that her dad is a gambler before, was jailed due that and that her dad has lots of negative past.. like alcohol, cigarettes and etc.. they didn't like that..

okey..
so what a coincidence.. im guilty. my dad is like that..

before early part of 2010.. around April or May our pastor gives example..
1. a guy likes a girl, the guy family made an investigation something like ive said happened
2. that the family of this guy likes a girl for him, he didnt like her, they like the family of that girl too ; and this another girl which this guy likes, but his family didn't like

now.. I thank GOD.. because things gets clearer to me..
I think I know now why everything is so complicated...
And Im not mad or hurt or anything.. that I thank GOD..

1. for me I understand the part of his parents... I forgive them... let GOD do the judging... but I didn't mean I want them to be judge by GOD for they did to me.. I told GOD that I forgive them.. so HE may forgive them too.. I understand.. that's why it's okey.. yeah it could be unfair for my part.. but that's life...

2. GOD said.. "I never said like would be fair... I just promised that it would be beautiful if you have ME." ~ and I cling to that.

3. yeah it may sound they judge me, but what can I do.. I cannot blame myself for I did nothing.. It's my father doing.. I cannot continue balming him for his past.. I love him my father too even if he is bad.. he is still through him who made it possible to give me this life

4. Im proud of the guy I loved.. no wonder why GOD made me love him and no wonder why did I love him.. I think I still want to say I love him for what he did.. he did the right thing.. I also would want to have blessing from the parents.. I wouldn't want to insist something that is not blessed and allowed.. I want GOD to be happy and glorified. yet I cannot love this guy more anymore.. I have to control how I feel.. else it will eat me alive. I cannot live in pain. I just want to live in joy with GOD. with GOD I am complete and content.
I cannot also bear or stand the fact that something will happen to his parents., if incase he fought for me. I wouldn't want him to do that, I want him to obey his parents. it is through them that made it possible for him to be alive now..

5. I have accepted the fact that it is really hard to accept my family no matter how okey I can be.. so with this thing I am fine, it's all in matter of acceptance.

6. I am made to give love and forgive.. GOD is smiling when I am like that and becoming more like that.. HE is molding me to be like that.. all my life I lived in pain.. and all my life I have learned and need to forgive. that's why I have a happy heart.

7. I didn't say that everything between me and him ends.. possible it is not willed.. possible that it is still willed.. I trust GOD.. so whatever happens .. be ready.. all I know, that I will follow GOD's leading.. bare in mind that nothing is impossible with GOD. HE is in control. just trust HIS leading. just don't expect so that I won't get disappointed. there is this though "no man can part what GOD hasd willed."

8. If it's not him, I will wait who is willed by GOD to me, someone who will and his family will accept me and my family, love me and I will love him, by GOD's leading and grace.. with this GOD's gift called love.. I will not get into any relationship just because I am getting old.. I won't let time pressure me. I will just always wait in GOD's time and leading.

9. what happened to me is an inspiration for me to strive more and achieve more in life with GOD's help and leading. and I will continue to rely on GOD and never question HIS plans for me, for it is to prosper me and give me hope. I am so blessedn that I mature in life through GOD. it may be though.. but hey GOD is the best teacher. HE gives me wisdom and make me love HIM more.

10. forgiving him is not hard.. I already have forgiven him.. because I love him. that's what GOD taught me. and I will be happy if he is happy. just love mj.. that's the gift from GOD.

I have fought the fight,I have finished the race.I have obeyed GOD.I kept my oath to GOD.

now GOD will stand for me. HE is with me.

just pray! this is powerful. c",) but when I pray I must listen more and speak less.. c",)

smile

I notice someone.. I notice him last 2009 azcop camp, he is from another church..that time he is snob to me.. he can make me laugh, I like his sense of humor, this June 2010 I was surprisingly asked by a common friend, if I'll be willing to be blind date with this guy, but since I am inlove with another guy, I simply answer no because I can't. this 2010 azcop he tried to be friend with me, but It's not okey with me, also that time I have dilemmas with the guy im inlove with, I am in great confusion.. so.. nothing. many times this year I notice him, he is not handsome, but he have this funny sense of humor which catches my attention. he may not be handsome, but hey I don't need a handsome guy, it's the heart that I am looking at.. and I need a guy who will love me like a prince loving his princess. he is a matured christian, who plays guitar well and sings well too. he also plays basketball. hmm.. ideal! hehe im interested to know him, if GOD is willing and will make a way..I will.. now, in my sad days, he is the one who somehow somewhat brightens my days, he puts a smile in my frown face and sometimes makes me laugh.. even if he don't know, so I thank GOD for it. that's a blessing. I know how to love, I am loyal, is just that I have no reason to stay in love. too much pain. too much hurt. need to move on. this is one way. c",)

Claim Your Restoration!

a beautiful devotion that I would like to share.. this is a devotion from pastor prince site last November 13, 2011

Acts 3:20–21
that He may send Jesus Christ, who was preached to you before
21whom heaven must receive until the times of restoration of all things

As a believer, you have a right to expect restoration of the things that the devil has stolen from you. It may be your health, marriage or finances, but payback time is definitely coming!
Acts 3:20–21 tells us that before Jesus comes back for His church, we will experience “the times of restoration of all things”. What a hope that gives us, knowing that God will restore to us all things before Jesus returns!
My friend, if the devil is attacking you in any area, tell God, “Father, I will not allow the devil to rob me of my health, marriage, children or finances. These blessings are blood-bought and paid for by Your Son!” Claim your restoration in Christ and heaven will hear you.
There will be such times of restoration of all things to the body of Christ that His people will only get better, stronger, healthier, and more prosperous and glorious! When God restores, even under the old covenant, His people always received much more than what they had originally lost, in terms of quality and/or quantity. How much more will our restoration be under the new covenant because of the shed blood of the Lamb of God!
A divorcee with a teenage son came to our church and accepted the Lord in May 2003. She began to pray for the restoration of her marriage and the reunion of her family. She knew that the chances of this happening were close to zero since she had not met nor spoken with her ex-husband since their divorce 10 years ago. She did not even know if he had remarried. But God caused their paths to cross at a wedding at the end of 2003. Today, their relationship is healed, and together with their son, they worship as a family in church.
Even though what happened for that sister may not happen for every divorced person (God can give you a better spouse and marriage), I believe that God wants you to know that your times of restoration are here. Heaven is waiting to hear you stake your claim for restoration!

Bye

He didn’t tell me he is moving on then, that’s wrong, because I believe that we should
always know how to clarify things to a person, he left me. Ouch! Super Ouch! Last night, I felt the feel of the knife like passing through my heart.. ouch! Last night, I prayed to GOD, GOD, give me pain, give me hurt, let me feel it, I will still be glad that you give me this and you lead me to this, and you know I have fulfilled your plans. Even I don’t understand, I want to feel all the pain to finished this, I don’t want to hold on even a little, I don’t care if he’ll be sad or happy.. I don’t care if he’ll regret or not, all I care now is me not liking to be in this situation anymore. Last night I stop. And I will stop. I want to stop.. later I will talk again to GOD sincerely.. I will resolve this with HIM, I will totally again surrender everything and have HIS plans for me. And this is part of it, but I want to move on. Move on, because I can see happiness from a distance. I can’t stop here. I can’t. this love as I've said is not from me, it's from GOD, GOD gave this to me, that is why I am so confused and I am so afraid.. because I can't understand, how can I love someone that I don't really like in the first place. Now that I love him, he left me, another thing I can't understand. Can I just this love that GOD has given me to forgive him. to replace hatred with love.. its like paying debt. para break even para wala na?...

slap

since November..I want to slap him on the face.. so imagine now.. how much I wanted too..but I need to practice self-control.. and let GOD do the slapping.. I will wait patiently for that day.. I will observe.. I will observe.. this is all I wanna do.. be still and say nothing.. I believe GOD is just.. HE will fight for me.. for I am HIS..

awhile ago tears falls my eyes because I am full of anger, I want to slap him.. I hate him for coming into my life.. and doing these things to me.. he don't know how to love, he knows love and what is love.. but he don't know how to practice it.. he failed to love.. he only love himself.. selfish.

whole morning I am talking to GOD as I woke up.. kept asking for forgiveness for all my sins..

my sin regarding this matter..
1. I made GOD jealous, for loving this person, forgetting that I was only asked by GOD to love and accept this person.. not to love him more than HIM.

his sins
1. He have changed, he love himself to the point he idolize himself. he becomes a monster, not the same person GOD showed me.
2. He idolize the fact that there are girls around him, waiting for him and that he have lots of choices.

GOD showed me his heart before, but he is now changed.. he is not the same person that I learned to love. last Sept. I have noticed his changes, I told him that..but I tried to play blind and continue to love him.

stop

awhile ago.. I was reading my post last 2008, I am laughing ... so funny of my english grammar.. but all I posted are so meaningful with good insight.. and the messages are so perfect for me right now.. that's the work of GOD.. to remind my self with my self post with my self insight that are from HIM.. right now I can say I am lost.. GOD knows.. how can I walk so smooth alone and stumble every time I fall in love.. how wish I have read those post of mine over and over again last 2010.. why didn't I?

really, I want to move on, im okey, but I am not fine..

I just cling to this truth, that someday I know I will be happy too..

I know I am blessed with a pretty face.. slim curvacious body.. I have lots of guys who comes to me shhowing interest.. but these won't make me happy..
what will make me happy is to have my own family.. one thing been praying for GOD .. yet I always fail to have.. why? can anyone answer me?

now I often write blog.. because I don't want to talk to anyone at all.. I feel stupid asking mom, shobe, clods and joanna with my situation.. for I know what I am going through.. I don't need to hear their advices.. I know how to advice myself.. because I am asking wisdom from GOD..

this time, I do pray, but my prayer quality is not solid.. my Father ain't happy about it.. but I talk to HIM often, with many questions.. I guess I don't listen to HIS answers.. because I kept asking why??

right now Im still...

how I wish I could tell him what he did wrong.. that made an effect that cause me also to do wrong agaisnt him, that causes things to be so wrong..

don't ever say you are ready.. if you are not..

always be on time.. one major life rule.. if you are late.. you are out.. you lost.

did I lose him? or did I won anything?
losing him, only GOD knows.. learnings is what i've won.. got lots of learnings.. how I wish I could turn back time and change it.. but that's life.. many things are not meant to be change.. but take action, grow and be responsible for everything..

I don't like him, but I love him.. GOD what have you done?? what have you taught me? yeah now I don't suffer, I don't feel pain.. I am just full of question marks ??? why? why? why? but whatever happens GOD.. I trust YOU.. I trust YOU..
that I will be okey.. for YOU have plans for me.. not to harm me.. but to prosper me and give me hope..

GOD, did he prayed about me before? did he asked me from YOU?
why....
now, I know he don't anymore.. because GOD, YOU have remove the burden from me..
why did YOU chose to listen to him? and chose to use me?

this afternoon I asked mom.. "ma, why i felt GOD's leading? why I saw HIM work, but why did these things happened?" my mom can't answer me, she tried to change the topic.. but I insist for an answer.. she just told me.. "I also don't know.. maybe he is not the one for you, or maybe GOD will make a way someday, for the 2 of you to be together.."
i again ask.. "ma, when will I meet the one for me? is there really someone for me? will I be happy? kase I have loved many times, why others they had it in their youth years.. my friends are all soon to wed.. I'll be alone soon.. but I am use to it.. doing things alone.. "
mom told me.. "maybe because you are in a hurry.. don't rush it.. it will come.."
"but when?"

.. all I dreamt of is to walk with the one will by GOD for me in this lifetime.. to be beside him and to share my life with him...

now i want to cry...

Oh GOD.. why...? I am happy alone.. but why did YOU waken my heart.. then now be put in this situation..

GOD.. I admit I am sinning.. I am sinning agaisnt YOU.. for I fail to glorify and think about you.. how I want to grow again in faith.. in love of YOU..

I know GOD that you are jealous.. sorry...

will he know his mistakes?
i trust YOU, GOD, that YOU are in control..

GOD pleaase forgive me.. help me...I need YOU more and more in my life..
please don't let me fall like this again..

GOD .. I love YOU.. YOU are my life..

wait.. why stop is the title of my post.. because I want to stop thinking of him.. I want to stop loving him.. I want to stop talking about him here sa blog.. because if I don't stop.. I won't be able to move on.. I want to share my responsibilities with my family.. my career.. my spiritual life.. not about him anymore...

then now i remember.. our senior pastor is unfair.. I am not ready to talk that day.. but they insist.. I lose my rights.. life is really indeed unfair.. specially for me... because I am living life..
GOD please be just.. ^^,

GOD I know YOU are with me.. please be always with me GOD..

what if I change.. I don't want to get married anymore.. I want to be alone forever.. I hate all the guys.. they are all the same.. can I have a baby without a father without doing immoral thing.. how i wish I can.. wish wish wish...sad life.. grr... im so sleepy.. I don't know what I am saying.. hahaha Good night.. to my readers.. please pray for me..thanks

~ if he loves me.. he will stay..

constant

GOD is the only ONE that never change... HE is faithful and just.. so loving and all-knowing.. just trust HIM.. all people may fail you, all people may disappoint and frustrate you.. but GOD won't.. HE is always true and HE is real.. for HE never change. keep that in mind ^_^ love HIM more.. that's the one super worth it thing to do in this world.. is to love GOD more than anything else, focus on HIM.. HIM alone. c",)

when the tears fall

so far.. not much tears falls my eyes.. I haven't cried really.. maybe because GOD knows HE is the ONE responsible for my pain.. HE led me here.. HE knows i obeyed.. it's hard.. the journey is tough.. but I arrived... I don't know if I am just not on time.. or maybe HE really planned it that way.. but whatever it is.. It is always GOD's leading I will follow.. no matter how hard it is.. HIS will I will fulfill.. ^^, no matter how painful it could get, I will still.. still follow.. because I am a servant... a servant would offer her/his life to HIS master, and that what I did.. right now I will be still and know that HE is GOD.
still right now, if giving those cards and letters are really bad or wrong.. but what I believe is GOD lead me to love.. I may fail in the ways of man.. but GOD knows I am just trying to fulfill HIS will in the way I know.. GOD knows this will happen.. and HE let it happened. all glory be to GOD, if HE use me for HIS glory, even if that will bring me pain and suffering, even if that will put me to shame, it's okey.. for my GOD, my FATHER, whom I will serve.

even as of now i don't have much tears, yet this song best describe how I feels.. maybe the tears are hold by GOD.. I don't know.. I don't know where my tears went.. I just don't see them..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWUimGv_xrU

I've had questions, without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing, that I'll cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer
When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender, forevermore

I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall, still I will sing to You
I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing

miss mama

I miss my mom.. she is in the airport right now.. in Zamboaga..on the way here.. later ill fetch her at terminal 3. she is on a vacation for 5 days.. and how I badly miss her.. really living apart from my mom is hard for me..all the camps, retreat, vacation and trips that I have..I always miss her.. her cook, I always love and missed.. that is why sometimes I don't know if I am ready to get married and move out.. because I really want to be right beside my mom all the time...

when I am broken.. sleeping beside my mom is the greatest medicine..
her hug makes me feel loved and secured...
her hug feels like she was saying this message to me... "everybody will leave you.. but not I, your mom... and everything will be okey"

this past weeks there's this phrase she always tells me.. "pakatatag ka.. "... "be firm.."
and everytime I feel weak.. I would always go back to that words..

how I love my mom.. and I thank GOD for giving me her..

don't answer

after what happened? i learned my biggest lesson in life...

if someone asked you a question.. never ever answer... why? because they can use that answer agaisnt you someday..

like what my 4 friendsm, did to me.. here i'll name them.. (katherine, sabrina, marilyn and mary anne).. i thought they we're just friends..or too friendly to make friends with me.. but they prove me wrong.. they kept asking me questions.. just to investigate.. to spy about me..

I also learned.. never ever listen to people comment or suggestions.. even if they are your friends.. the better thing to do is keep silent.. think alone.. ask GOD for wisdom.. not human.. they will only share to you their human wisdom.. which is a failure!

i have a friend.. should I still call him friend? he keeps asking my life.. my love life.. name is miguel.. he asked me to do something I am not supposed to do.. that ruins everything. He asked me to tell that guy that I am waiting for him.. oh.. what a mess i did!! why did i listen? because I can get stupid sometimes.. after ruining my life.. he is not a friend to me anymore..

now i blog.. because i don't know who to trust anymore..i don't know who to talk.. and share all my thoughts..

being alone is great also.. there is peace..

He don't know me..

He don't know me, because if he do.. he will stay..

yes!! i never showed 100% of who I am.. i never showed my good side.. because.. i believe in this.. "if a person really loves you... no matter there's no more reason to love you, he will stay... "

like a did.. I am crushed.. I am put to shame.. I am pushed.. all by him..
even my mind tells me leave..
my heart still choose to stay.. all I want him is to be okey.. happy.. I don't want people to leave him.. i want to be angry.. but deep inside im still loving.. how difficult..

how i hate this love that GOD has taught me.. how unselfish..

I have run the race.. I have finished the race.. i have keep the faith.. all I did is obey and trust..

why GOD? that's all I ask.. Why I am shaken the time I am trying to fulfill YOUR will..

why? why did these people who tries to ruin things..? comes.. whom shall I hate??

why did YOU and I let the enemy won?.. I think its my fault.. I am weak.. I failed to ask strength from YOU..

can we again fight the fight? but right now.. it is impossible for me to fight... all I can do is stand still and be firm..

but guess what.. he is not really my type.. I don't like him.. he i not the guy i dreamt of being my husband.. but.. GOD.. GOD made me love him.. now I am left here..

Grenade - bruno mars

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=grenade+bruno+mars&aq=f

Doubt

The more you doubt.. the more it happens.
because we are giving the enemy the power to ruin our lives, to not trust GOD but to trust on our misbeliefs.
our doubts are our hidden fears, or things that will make us miserable.
So don’t doubt, just trust GOD.

Start

Start a fresh start. Start right. So that everything will be alright and will fall right.
I decide to move on, to give respect, to trust GOD, to forgive and
to love again someday, when I am healed.. love like I’ve never been hurt because loving is beautiful, to share, show and bestow GOD’s love.

Cheat

This is one thing I know, no matter how much you try to cheat love, it will not last… ^_^
GOD will not allow love to be cheated. Always remember the truth will always come out.
just be who you are. if it's yours, its yours, if its not.. it won't.

Forgiveness

It is really hard to forgive, but forgiveness is like love,
It’s a decision.
We love because we decide to love; we forgive because we decide to forgive.
No matter how painful these people have caused us, forgiving them is the only right way out. There are no shortcuts or other way.. but to forgive.
Just remember this.. GOD has forgiven us our sins through Jesus Christ, so we must forgive others too.
we can pray to GOD to move, to cleans and to teach our hearts to forgive.
forgivenss is peacefulness.

Respect

We must always know how to respect people’s decision.
In love, if someone decided to dump us and not chose us, respect that.
And be happy for him/her/them, even if it sounds painful... because that’s true love, being happy for the person we love. If we really want him/her to be happy, it doesn't mean to be with us, sometimes we need to let them go.
and if they come back on time, they are ours, if not, they're not..
In love, if someone is in a relationship or if his/her heart belongs to someone (maybe M.U. or courting stage), respect that. Give them the space, even if their relationship is good or struggling. Because we wouldn’t want to have someone whose heart and mind belongs to somebody/someone else. we’ll end up not happy too.
that is what I am giving them, RESPECT, even if nobody gave that to me when I/we we're struggling.

Next time

The next time I will love???
Hmmm been thinking of this…
Now that I am broken hearted, not advisable for me to jump anything in relate to love..
I must get my heart healed first then again set my standards..
Setting my standard will only remain a standard.. so that I’ll choose wisely..but
It is always GOD’s leading I will follow...
So whoever comes to me, does not mean they'll pass .. because even if they will pass my standard.. it is always GOD’s will that will prevail. ^_^

Trust

Trust is something given , and not gained… - this is what i believe hehe

Moving on

Is it hard to move on?
No, after what he did…
actually no, because this is the only thing/option i have.. after what happened..
He made me feel that he is not worthy of my love.. so what should I do now diba?
move on...
Does he have an idea what path I took…? the road I travelled just to be with him? Just to arrive.. and tell him “Im ready” .. im ready to know him..
I’ve cried a river… im wounded… and in that journey even I am not healed I still kept moving and fighting..
Yet I am left like this…felt so abandoned with full of shame and brokeness.. "sounds bitter"hehe
And still, even if I don’t understand, I can say GOD is really good, imagine how painful for me was everything.. but not a pain did I felt.. only a minute of teary eyes and that's it.. I can feel GOD is protecting my heart, HE is holding it, for HE know HE is the One who is responsible for everything that happened… hehehe
As I’ve said GOD leads me here… HE used me.. a servant is used by HIS master..
Now, I can say, I can face GOD, and tell HIM,
”GOD I am faithful, I have finished your assignment for me, YOU saw my hardship, my struggle and my love for YOU, that is how obedient I can be to YOU, Father.”
I will just pray that my faithfulness and obedience to GOD will continue… that I may live my life in full obedience with HIS commands.
I didn’t really know what to expect when I arrived, but still GOD is in control.. HE planned everything to be like this for HIS glory.
So whatever it may seem, I’ll move on and still give my life to GOD.. in full trust, control and leading.

If it’s GOD’s will, HE will make a way…

So amazing how GOD work in our lives…even in simple things.. me being in Baguio and joining the winter camp is GOD’s will.. maybe.. maybe HE just wanted to put an end with all my suffering… I don’t know, but what I do know is that GOD is at work…
When I registered for the camp, the slot for the girls is already closed.. limited slot only.. that was 3rd week of November so what more can I expect? The camp is open for campers with ages 15 to 25.. the time I register I was still 25 years old.. so they just put me on a waiting list.. the camp officers said that if someone back out I’ll get the slot. A week after, my sister told me that her friend might back out, but after a week again, she told me that her friend won’t back out anymore, so seems to be the door is closed for me, December I turned 26, okey a total disqualification hehe but as I am driving to church 2nd Sunday of December, I prayed to GOD, O well if it’s your will for me to be in the camp, thy will be done, nothing is impossible with HIM, HE will make a way, that day, my sister and some camp officers looked for me to tell me that I can join, that someone backed out. So see how GOD worked? Nothing is impossible with Him if we only believe, and if it is really HIS will.

Stay on the road

For the past two months.. November and December… Im walking.. keep walking to get to the finish line.. as I walk to the valley of shadow of death.. which I meant hardship.. reaching the end I felt so wounded and weary.. but still I draw strength from GOD for I know the guy that I love is waiting.. waiting for me to arrive.. I struggle to be ready.. I don’t want to be selfish..I want to give what he is waiting for a year and so… for I want to make GOD and him happy.. I want to give what I am to give.. everyday I cried.. everyday I pray.. everyday I rely on GOD.. just too reach the end… his eyes gives me courage to continue, while I put all my trust, faith and hope to our GOD.
In this time, I saw him, he is waiting, I know he is tired but what makes me fight is his love, he is waiting for me this long. A thing that will prove that he loves me. In this journey I want to share this song.. that I happen to use to describe my walk to his heart
Title : stay on the road
Singer: Corrine May

Lyrics:
Don't turn your laughing eyes away
You know I love you
There's no need to be afraid
Hearts are made to be broken
They get stronger by the day
I'll take a chance and drop all my defenses
Just to hear you say
How long is the road
How long is the ride
How long is the darkness till we get to the light
Go easy on me
Cause you already know
No matter the distance
I'll stay on the road to your heart
You say I've been a fool too long
You wonder why I have the strength to carry on
I see through your weakness
Your tough guy iron mask
It's not really that hard or complicated
There's no need to ask
How long is the road
How long is the ride
How long is the darkness till we get to the light
Go easy on me
Cause you already know
No matter the distance
I'll stay on the road to your heart
I'll stay on the road to your heart
I'll stay on the road to your heart


In this walk, a year and half of walk, I don’t understand many things, why something is drawing me back, something is pulling me away, yet GOD’s leading is present and I have this burden to finish the race/journey, to reach the end, which I happen not to know what to expect when I arrive. I don’t know why I can’t speak when he is near or infront of me, I don’t know.. I don’t know why if I am okey he is not and vice versa. I think GOD’s time is not yet present. Or maybe GOD has another plan. Which I don’t know. So all I do then is trust GOD.