Saturday, November 20, 2010
Adjust
Recently I learn that I need to adjust to the will of GOD, yeah I admit it’s my entire fault. Because of my great fear. But still it always takes 2 to tango. Hehehe well I am adjusting now, I am trying to be calm all the time, and to have control. I’m a very impulsive person. I’m learning how to control my emotions so that when I see him I wont get wrong, I wont hurt him, GOD is slowly showing me everything, what to do and what I have done, and teaching me of how to improve and all. HE is really amazing. Now I have to learn to talk to him not in panic mode, I need to learn to converse with him, and I need to learn to smile to him, very important, because we two started with a smile. Imagine how simple does my problem sound, but guess what it’s really a big problem to me. Hahaha I keep practicing, looking at the mirror practising how to talk to him, how to smile to him, how to approach, what to say, not just for a moment ah, I’ve been thinking how to adjust the whole day, imagine that, this really taking me a big effort, if he only knew. It’s really hard for me, I don’t know why too, in my whole life, I think this is the first time I felt something like this, too awkward too weird for me, because I am a people relation person, but with him, my tongue is gone, when I see him I panic, and I want to hide, hahaha torpe! Torpe ako! Hahaha I don’t know, hay.. how I hope to say to him to please exert more effort, because I am having a hard time, the thing is we we’re the same, Torpe! hehehe And I know he have exerted effort too, and got hurt, how I wanted to say sorry ^_^ anyway since GOD is leading me to exert more effort in adjusting, I will. ^_^
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Love Phobia
When I was younger, I never thought that there will be a thing such as love phobia, but there is. And I am one of the patient of this social anxiety disorder. O yes.. im one of the people who have phobias. I also can’t believe.. but with my past love life no wonder. Its really hard to fight phobia. Its like dying over and over again. Can u imagine seeing the one you love, every time you do, you die. You die because you love him, you die because you are afraid to love him, but guess what? It’s stupidity. What the Bible say is true, GOD is Love, and perfect love drives away fear. For love dispels darkness. Love washes out and burns negativity. Love shines and penetrates like the rays of the Sun. Love always heals.
1Corinthian 13:4-8 Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, trust, always hopes and always perserverse. Love never fails.
It’s funny to be afraid of loving for the reason of being afraid to be hurt, but what hurts most is not loving and loosing the person you love. So why fear? Instead… go and love. Show it. ^_^ and I will.. by GOD’s grace under HIS will whom I draw my strength.
1Corinthian 13:4-8 Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, trust, always hopes and always perserverse. Love never fails.
It’s funny to be afraid of loving for the reason of being afraid to be hurt, but what hurts most is not loving and loosing the person you love. So why fear? Instead… go and love. Show it. ^_^ and I will.. by GOD’s grace under HIS will whom I draw my strength.
Don’t rush
“Don’t rush because if you do, you will only hurt yourself.”
What a sentence, but profoundly very true. How can you be on something GOD is not yet done preparing or haven’t finished doing. the servant should wait on his Master for the assignment. So be patient and wait. Let GOD use times of waiting to mold and shape your character. Let GOD use those times to purify your life and make you into a clean vessel for HIS service. as you obey HIM, GOD will prepare you for the assignment that is just right for you.
What a sentence, but profoundly very true. How can you be on something GOD is not yet done preparing or haven’t finished doing. the servant should wait on his Master for the assignment. So be patient and wait. Let GOD use times of waiting to mold and shape your character. Let GOD use those times to purify your life and make you into a clean vessel for HIS service. as you obey HIM, GOD will prepare you for the assignment that is just right for you.
Jealous GOD
GOD said that HE is a jealous GOD. HE wants to be love 1st above all. I will my GOD. ^_^
Monday, November 15, 2010
Ready
Ready? Am I ready?
Hmmm
Recently I always ask myself this. Am I ready for love? Favourite topic hahaha
Last time, I wasn’t ready for love. Now am I?
Go back to last time. Yes last time I am not ready for love, because I am too afraid. Afraid to get hurt again. My whole life is full of hurt, because of love that is why I am fearful. Not until I knew it was him, perfect love drives out fear.
GOD is preparing me to be ready. That’s all I know. I can see GOD hands in everything.
All this time I am thinking that how can I be ready if he is not ready. Just this moment I realize that… how can he also be ready if I am not ready. Because all this time I was just waiting for him to be ready. So is he. So we were both waiting. Okey so nothing will happen hahaha
Ok. So it really takes 2 to tango. Wait..
Is this silence healthy? It’s a risk. But yes it’s a need. Why? so both will take time to think.
Space is really needed. For people to grow and matured. Even Jesus take a pause.
He took a pause to know and make clear the will of GOD.
In this silence I learned some of the things I need to know with life. The things I need to improve and change. The mistakes I commit. And the failures I am doing.
It is not only I who needs to think, improve and learn, he also. But let us not focus on his mistakes. Let him do his own blog posting all his.hehehe everything should focus first on their own mistakes, before looking at other’s mistakes.
Now I am ready. Yet still, GOD knows when is really the ready time, maybe GOD will still want to show me additional leading before totally be ready. I will just continually pray to GOD to let everything fall into place.
And I will continually pray that GOD will ready both. So that in HIS time everything will be beautiful ^_^
Just be ready!!
Hmmm
Recently I always ask myself this. Am I ready for love? Favourite topic hahaha
Last time, I wasn’t ready for love. Now am I?
Go back to last time. Yes last time I am not ready for love, because I am too afraid. Afraid to get hurt again. My whole life is full of hurt, because of love that is why I am fearful. Not until I knew it was him, perfect love drives out fear.
GOD is preparing me to be ready. That’s all I know. I can see GOD hands in everything.
All this time I am thinking that how can I be ready if he is not ready. Just this moment I realize that… how can he also be ready if I am not ready. Because all this time I was just waiting for him to be ready. So is he. So we were both waiting. Okey so nothing will happen hahaha
Ok. So it really takes 2 to tango. Wait..
Is this silence healthy? It’s a risk. But yes it’s a need. Why? so both will take time to think.
Space is really needed. For people to grow and matured. Even Jesus take a pause.
He took a pause to know and make clear the will of GOD.
In this silence I learned some of the things I need to know with life. The things I need to improve and change. The mistakes I commit. And the failures I am doing.
It is not only I who needs to think, improve and learn, he also. But let us not focus on his mistakes. Let him do his own blog posting all his.hehehe everything should focus first on their own mistakes, before looking at other’s mistakes.
Now I am ready. Yet still, GOD knows when is really the ready time, maybe GOD will still want to show me additional leading before totally be ready. I will just continually pray to GOD to let everything fall into place.
And I will continually pray that GOD will ready both. So that in HIS time everything will be beautiful ^_^
Just be ready!!
Self control
This is one of the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
This is the truth, I lack self control, I easily get addicted to things that’s why I always practice prevention is better than cure, I can’t control my emotions, if I am happy, I am hyper happy, same with sadness and madness. I can’t also control my mouth, I have a big mouth, I always talk, I talk a lot. I always say my thoughts. Sometimes I fail to think before I talk. Same with texting messages, I always text I even text my thoughts. I need to control all these. Because my strengths becomes my weakness because of lack of self-control. I am too impulsive. My service to GOD also get affected. Now I have to stop all these before I can get back to my service. Because I first need to know how to control. Now I am praying to GOD to teach me how to control.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
This is the truth, I lack self control, I easily get addicted to things that’s why I always practice prevention is better than cure, I can’t control my emotions, if I am happy, I am hyper happy, same with sadness and madness. I can’t also control my mouth, I have a big mouth, I always talk, I talk a lot. I always say my thoughts. Sometimes I fail to think before I talk. Same with texting messages, I always text I even text my thoughts. I need to control all these. Because my strengths becomes my weakness because of lack of self-control. I am too impulsive. My service to GOD also get affected. Now I have to stop all these before I can get back to my service. Because I first need to know how to control. Now I am praying to GOD to teach me how to control.
Friday, November 12, 2010
foothold
the real foodthold of the enemy to me is facebook and ym, here he deceives me and twist my mind, he try to make me confuse. he uses people to confuse me. Oh how thankful Iam that I have GOD, HE saves me. I love GOD.
LOVE
GOD gave you to me... GOD made me love you and it wont change. ^_^ the love is from GOD. it's from GOD. amazing. love is true, true love is from true love. ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9taG2SSp8k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9taG2SSp8k
in a week of silence
after surrendering everything to GOD. i had a week of silence. where i dont entertain talks.. only with my best friend C and sister S, i only release emotions to them, but practising not to listen with their comments. it is only to GOD i will listen. no advice is best suitable for this. it is only GOD's voice i will follow. i will only obey the voice that I believe. today everything is well and okey. how i hope i can tell him right away, but no, GOD said to me, not a word. i still have no commands to text him, but i will greet him later. im so excited, because i know I am released from my fears. i have broken the enemy's foothold. and I thank GOD. Im hoping in GOD's time that everything will fall into place. for HIS glory. i will repeatedly say to all "I will fulfill the will of GOD." in HIM i draw strength. I will walk in faith with HIM, in HIM i trust. in HIM i hope and in HIM I believe. I will always believe. GOD is at work, I see HIM work and I feel HIM work. if GOD is with us, who can be against us. GOD will continue to work, just listen to HIS voice. I love YOU GOD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Pn4KQqSrrA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Pn4KQqSrrA
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
fixing my life
GOD wants me to fix my life first, HE wants me to solve all my unresolve issues in my life, from childhood to present, so that i'll be ready, this is HIS preparation for me to be the right one when the one HE will for me comes...because i won't be able to fix the other areas of my life if i am not totally healed...i still believe what GOD has instore for me, HE just wants me to obey, like what HE told me, not a word, now Iam doing it, HE wants me to surrender it all.. i asked GOD how, now HE is teaching me how, HE is teaching me to give my most important part of my life to HIM, for HE knew best. HE wants me to let go, HE don't want me to have a strong grip on it, because HE can see me wounded and weary, GOD truly loves me. and Iam taking a big risk.. all in as Lin Bok Su said.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgvYFxW_QM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9geV211GHU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgvYFxW_QM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9geV211GHU
good to have GOD
one good thing of having a GOD is that HE will teach you to forgive people many times, several times, all the time, even they didn't ask forgiveness from you. GOD will give you a kind, loving, forgiving and obedient heart.
another good thing is that when you fully surrender your life to GOD, everything will be light, the will of GOD should not be heavy and burdensome, if you give entrust HIM to lead you, to walk in HIS path, in HIS strength and in HIS ways. just follow.
another good thing is that when you fully surrender your life to GOD, everything will be light, the will of GOD should not be heavy and burdensome, if you give entrust HIM to lead you, to walk in HIS path, in HIS strength and in HIS ways. just follow.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
GOD is at work
just keep quiet mj.. GOD is at work... trust.. surrender... have faith and obey.. and be free.. because you are in the truth... ^_^
lucky 8 (this must be published)
my new courting rules!! a must!!
1. Pray to GOD
2. Talk to Lin Bok Su , he should know
3. Clear his intentions to me
4. Public should know (my friends, my church mates, his family, his friends, his church mates )
5. He has to prove it
6. Only 1 month minimum to court me 3 months maximum
7. only places to court me 1st UECM (church), 2nd group dates, 3rd House (i will tell if he seems to pass hehehe)
8. Go back to GOD and pray
who will dare??? ^_^ GOD bless... I will just know if its GOD's will... also i have no compromise.. after all i've been through.. ^_^
1. Pray to GOD
2. Talk to Lin Bok Su , he should know
3. Clear his intentions to me
4. Public should know (my friends, my church mates, his family, his friends, his church mates )
5. He has to prove it
6. Only 1 month minimum to court me 3 months maximum
7. only places to court me 1st UECM (church), 2nd group dates, 3rd House (i will tell if he seems to pass hehehe)
8. Go back to GOD and pray
who will dare??? ^_^ GOD bless... I will just know if its GOD's will... also i have no compromise.. after all i've been through.. ^_^
my love to my LOVE
my love to my LOVE....
enough is enough... three times is too much ^_^
time to be back to reality. i cannot live in his crazy world full of analyzation. ill get insane. and I am sane.. i cannot conform to him, i love him so much that i keep adjusting to him. i can no longer do this. he havent proven anything. and me i have proven everything. ive waited for 1.5 years.. i did compromise, i closed my door and windows to all guys, so that it would not be hard for him. oh well, i have just surrender everything to GOD.. ^_^ im happy to be in the truth.. ^_^
enough is enough... three times is too much ^_^
time to be back to reality. i cannot live in his crazy world full of analyzation. ill get insane. and I am sane.. i cannot conform to him, i love him so much that i keep adjusting to him. i can no longer do this. he havent proven anything. and me i have proven everything. ive waited for 1.5 years.. i did compromise, i closed my door and windows to all guys, so that it would not be hard for him. oh well, i have just surrender everything to GOD.. ^_^ im happy to be in the truth.. ^_^
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
welcome back mj at multiply.. goodbye FB hehehe
im going back to multiply.. i find peace here.. than .. u know hehe
since people are too busy FBing.. ill be busy MULTIPLYing.. hehehehe
the past months.. life becomes so complicated for me.. many times i don't understand things anymore.. not the life i have before.. i don't know if ill be happy or what.. before these things happen.. my life is at peace... calm... so spontaneous.. so joyful.. so fun... free indeed... thats the time im growing in GOD's love.. the time where I am strengthening my foundation.. and nurishing and purifying myself with GOD's love... feeding my mind more of HIS words... things like that.. I was also aware then that I am full of peace and happy.. didn't expect that when one gets matured.. one has to be used.. one has to be called.. one gets to be attacked... sounds Crazy huh? o yeah..im in this crazy spiritual secular world right now...its like walking in 2 worlds... while you keep walking and following the spiritual call.. your secular body suffers alot... the past weeks i just wish that nobody sees me... only to people who i trust... the past days.. i hate being asked how iam.. because i no longer know how to answer that question.. i just wish not to talk to anyone.. i just want to talk to people who i want to talk to... i wish ..yeah because i know what i want is impossible.. really its hard to be called and to follow obey and understand things you dont understand.. hard.. how i wish GOD would just show up and explain to everyone what HE has called me... so that it wont be hard for me.. but that's where faith and trust comes... then my oh so...being practice book.. the book of JAMES...
consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask GOD,who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubt is like the wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. that man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:2-8
yes!! yes!! yes!! im trying to be in joy in rejoice while in this trial.. the trial is really hard..im crying in pain while trying to give thanks and rejoice.. and really what the Bible says is so true.. you have to persevere.. to mature more in faith.. i always ask GOD for wisdom, HE do give.. HE answer.. awesome indeed.. but the problem is.. at first im stable..happy.. at go go go mode.. but then along the way im being tossed by the wind.. im in doubt because the wisdom that i had was so different from what iam hearing and seeing in this secular world.. im always shaken..im always being attacked by satan.. he is clever.. that i can say.. but with that.. i pray hard.. all the scripture im reading enters my mind.. Bible words to the rescue.. thank GOD.
i also did needed tha book of Proverbs, Eccleciates, Job, Jeremiah and Psalms..
walking by faith.. sometimes sound stupid for other people.. even with some spiritual people. they don't understand my call.. because they always use their practical worldly mind their logical point of view to view my call or my situation... so i hate to talk to people who cant understand because its pointless. i wont get help but instead advices ill later regret.. because these are not from my faith. but even like this.. i understand them.. they care so they want what they thought good for me..or right. but the thing is its not their call.. its my call. how hard it is to be called.
why iam suffering now? its all my fault.. why? because i first ignore my call.. because then i dont understand.. plus this person.. he dont know what he is doing.. he never pointed out his true intention.. he is making me think crazy then.. and now i become really crazy. but i was also in fear... satan is using my fear then to not make this fulfilled... i was living in fear then.. i was so fearful.. and i know thats my sin .. so now im punished.. tsk tsk tsk
i have overcome my fear.. and i fought.. i ran the race... but still now i havent finished the will.. so im dead to GOD.. once HE got mad at me when i told HIM i dont want this anymore i want this stop.. HE granted but guess what.. HE made me suffer.. HE made me feel pain... til i asked for forgiveness and promised HIM that i will finish this whatever it takes. and proving HIM that Iam enduring the pains.. now, HE is still at lead in my life.. leads my every step.. HE just taught me to pray super duper often as possible.. to pray for even super small things possible... in everything i learned to pray.. because without HIS leading HIS wisdom.. im lost then i suffer...so now i know the value and power of prayer... even in sound small things..i could be big.
now GOD is teaching me to surrender it all to HIM that my power is not enough that when I fight i should learn how to trust HIM and surrender everything to HIM and HE will fight for me. that in everything .. it is not my ways.. it is always HIS ways.. hmm sound easy .. surrender all to HIM.. no, its not.. recently i always pray to HIM to help me know how to surrender it all to HIM.. because it aint easy.. really. HARD. a small grip is still a grip.
Time.. we can never plan anything in our time.. it is always HIS time.. so always be prepared.. because when HIS time comes.. you wouldn't want to missed it.. because HE might again got mad and again i might suffer... pls.. no to suffering anymore.. too much pain.. i have enough... huhuhu all i want is to follow and obey. to much disciplining GOD.. but still you always know what is enough.
Wait for the Lord, another lesson. o my my my.. what ah... yes really indeed wait is one of the hardest thing to do.. its easy to leave than to wait.. imagine waiting for someone in your house for 2 hours.. imagine that... what more waiting for HIS time for more than a year already.. to be almost exact 1 year and 6 months already... its a long wait.. all GOD is telling me WAIT.. WAIT.. WAIT... i always follow... many times i want to give up.. but GOD is drawing me back over and over again.. you know the feeling to be drag back.. thats what iam feeling.. im always drag back... as ive said its easier to leave... so happy to leave then drag back to suffer... imagine that!!! so the past weeks im not totally leaving what iam usually doing.. but now giving up is what iam into.. everytime iam to give up.. GOD gives reason not to.. amazing how HE works.. so beautiful... you will know that HE is really in control.. great!! the past weeks i always feel sophocated with the situation.. its like dying alive.. hard.. im still alive but feels like dying everyday.. i sometimes ask GOD.. can I just be with YOU.. because im in pain here.. yuhu... my Daddy GOD.. knock knock! hehe
in this trial i saw the enemy uses people who are also believers, but in weak state of faith, to attack, used them not to fulfill GOD's willed.. u know why? because the enemy knows... he knows who are his enemy.. he knows who gets strenghthen when the willed took place... he knows.. that is why.. he is focused working too.. working for this not to be fulfilled... but again thank GOD.. because when HE allowed the enemy, HE put me in trial.. not to simply make me just suffer... but to strengthen my faith.. because HE knows my capabilities and extends... great GOD.. worthy of praise.. yahoo!!
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
now my prayer is like this.. GOD im so helpless... nobody can help me but YOU, YOU are in this from the beginning... You worked , i saw and felt YOU working... YOU are so powerful, YOU move hearts, please work GOD, YOU are greater than this world. YOU know my fights, YOU know where iam now, YOU know im weary, wounded and weak. please help fulfilling YOUR will, since its YOUR plan.. may thy will be done... in YOUR ways oh Lord. Please hear YOUR servants cry for mercy. YOU know my heart, YOU know how i want to finished this.. In YOU i trust. I love YOU, GOD.
this is what i call spiritual fight... i thank GOD because im real HIS... and i know where i really belong... ^_^
here in my trials, i have applied all the pains i been through my life.. my love life.. now i understand why did they all happen... its for today.. for HIS glory.. ^_^
"true love never leaves true love, for true love waits for true love." - mj lee
"true love is from GOD, and the real true love will only comes from GOD our true love." - mj lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMhbD1yl4rs
since people are too busy FBing.. ill be busy MULTIPLYing.. hehehehe
the past months.. life becomes so complicated for me.. many times i don't understand things anymore.. not the life i have before.. i don't know if ill be happy or what.. before these things happen.. my life is at peace... calm... so spontaneous.. so joyful.. so fun... free indeed... thats the time im growing in GOD's love.. the time where I am strengthening my foundation.. and nurishing and purifying myself with GOD's love... feeding my mind more of HIS words... things like that.. I was also aware then that I am full of peace and happy.. didn't expect that when one gets matured.. one has to be used.. one has to be called.. one gets to be attacked... sounds Crazy huh? o yeah..im in this crazy spiritual secular world right now...its like walking in 2 worlds... while you keep walking and following the spiritual call.. your secular body suffers alot... the past weeks i just wish that nobody sees me... only to people who i trust... the past days.. i hate being asked how iam.. because i no longer know how to answer that question.. i just wish not to talk to anyone.. i just want to talk to people who i want to talk to... i wish ..yeah because i know what i want is impossible.. really its hard to be called and to follow obey and understand things you dont understand.. hard.. how i wish GOD would just show up and explain to everyone what HE has called me... so that it wont be hard for me.. but that's where faith and trust comes... then my oh so...being practice book.. the book of JAMES...
consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask GOD,who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubt is like the wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. that man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:2-8
yes!! yes!! yes!! im trying to be in joy in rejoice while in this trial.. the trial is really hard..im crying in pain while trying to give thanks and rejoice.. and really what the Bible says is so true.. you have to persevere.. to mature more in faith.. i always ask GOD for wisdom, HE do give.. HE answer.. awesome indeed.. but the problem is.. at first im stable..happy.. at go go go mode.. but then along the way im being tossed by the wind.. im in doubt because the wisdom that i had was so different from what iam hearing and seeing in this secular world.. im always shaken..im always being attacked by satan.. he is clever.. that i can say.. but with that.. i pray hard.. all the scripture im reading enters my mind.. Bible words to the rescue.. thank GOD.
i also did needed tha book of Proverbs, Eccleciates, Job, Jeremiah and Psalms..
walking by faith.. sometimes sound stupid for other people.. even with some spiritual people. they don't understand my call.. because they always use their practical worldly mind their logical point of view to view my call or my situation... so i hate to talk to people who cant understand because its pointless. i wont get help but instead advices ill later regret.. because these are not from my faith. but even like this.. i understand them.. they care so they want what they thought good for me..or right. but the thing is its not their call.. its my call. how hard it is to be called.
why iam suffering now? its all my fault.. why? because i first ignore my call.. because then i dont understand.. plus this person.. he dont know what he is doing.. he never pointed out his true intention.. he is making me think crazy then.. and now i become really crazy. but i was also in fear... satan is using my fear then to not make this fulfilled... i was living in fear then.. i was so fearful.. and i know thats my sin .. so now im punished.. tsk tsk tsk
i have overcome my fear.. and i fought.. i ran the race... but still now i havent finished the will.. so im dead to GOD.. once HE got mad at me when i told HIM i dont want this anymore i want this stop.. HE granted but guess what.. HE made me suffer.. HE made me feel pain... til i asked for forgiveness and promised HIM that i will finish this whatever it takes. and proving HIM that Iam enduring the pains.. now, HE is still at lead in my life.. leads my every step.. HE just taught me to pray super duper often as possible.. to pray for even super small things possible... in everything i learned to pray.. because without HIS leading HIS wisdom.. im lost then i suffer...so now i know the value and power of prayer... even in sound small things..i could be big.
now GOD is teaching me to surrender it all to HIM that my power is not enough that when I fight i should learn how to trust HIM and surrender everything to HIM and HE will fight for me. that in everything .. it is not my ways.. it is always HIS ways.. hmm sound easy .. surrender all to HIM.. no, its not.. recently i always pray to HIM to help me know how to surrender it all to HIM.. because it aint easy.. really. HARD. a small grip is still a grip.
Time.. we can never plan anything in our time.. it is always HIS time.. so always be prepared.. because when HIS time comes.. you wouldn't want to missed it.. because HE might again got mad and again i might suffer... pls.. no to suffering anymore.. too much pain.. i have enough... huhuhu all i want is to follow and obey. to much disciplining GOD.. but still you always know what is enough.
Wait for the Lord, another lesson. o my my my.. what ah... yes really indeed wait is one of the hardest thing to do.. its easy to leave than to wait.. imagine waiting for someone in your house for 2 hours.. imagine that... what more waiting for HIS time for more than a year already.. to be almost exact 1 year and 6 months already... its a long wait.. all GOD is telling me WAIT.. WAIT.. WAIT... i always follow... many times i want to give up.. but GOD is drawing me back over and over again.. you know the feeling to be drag back.. thats what iam feeling.. im always drag back... as ive said its easier to leave... so happy to leave then drag back to suffer... imagine that!!! so the past weeks im not totally leaving what iam usually doing.. but now giving up is what iam into.. everytime iam to give up.. GOD gives reason not to.. amazing how HE works.. so beautiful... you will know that HE is really in control.. great!! the past weeks i always feel sophocated with the situation.. its like dying alive.. hard.. im still alive but feels like dying everyday.. i sometimes ask GOD.. can I just be with YOU.. because im in pain here.. yuhu... my Daddy GOD.. knock knock! hehe
in this trial i saw the enemy uses people who are also believers, but in weak state of faith, to attack, used them not to fulfill GOD's willed.. u know why? because the enemy knows... he knows who are his enemy.. he knows who gets strenghthen when the willed took place... he knows.. that is why.. he is focused working too.. working for this not to be fulfilled... but again thank GOD.. because when HE allowed the enemy, HE put me in trial.. not to simply make me just suffer... but to strengthen my faith.. because HE knows my capabilities and extends... great GOD.. worthy of praise.. yahoo!!
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
now my prayer is like this.. GOD im so helpless... nobody can help me but YOU, YOU are in this from the beginning... You worked , i saw and felt YOU working... YOU are so powerful, YOU move hearts, please work GOD, YOU are greater than this world. YOU know my fights, YOU know where iam now, YOU know im weary, wounded and weak. please help fulfilling YOUR will, since its YOUR plan.. may thy will be done... in YOUR ways oh Lord. Please hear YOUR servants cry for mercy. YOU know my heart, YOU know how i want to finished this.. In YOU i trust. I love YOU, GOD.
this is what i call spiritual fight... i thank GOD because im real HIS... and i know where i really belong... ^_^
here in my trials, i have applied all the pains i been through my life.. my love life.. now i understand why did they all happen... its for today.. for HIS glory.. ^_^
"true love never leaves true love, for true love waits for true love." - mj lee
"true love is from GOD, and the real true love will only comes from GOD our true love." - mj lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMhbD1yl4rs
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