TRUST

Sometimes we don't understand the plans and ways of the Lord, but I trust the Lord with all my heart and with all my soul... I will not doubt, I will not fear, and I will not be shaken... I saw HIM work... I feel HIM work.. that is why I know HE is at work.. ^_^

i want to quit love, i dont want to hold back.. because everything is confusing and painful...but for I don't know reason GOD didn't want me.. HE wanted me to stay.. oh what a stupid thing to do.. everyone says.. quit.. everyone says you'll get hurt more, I know, I understand, I also wanted to... but I don't know why GOD won't allow me... I have no choice but to follow GOD, even if my future is uncertain and seems to be in full pain... but I just have to TRUST...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7rc3SU2zlM

oh ohh...

my heart is broken . and i don't know what to do.. i have just conquered fear to love.. yet love just broke my heart.. so painful and so true... im blessed to have two good sister friend with me.. who as much as possible not forsake me.. i dont understand why... my heart is in ache and mind is in chaos.. and thank GOD that HE holds it so tight that i feel lesser pain...

oh GOD who never forsake me.. help me.. you lead me here... now im lost... why dont i understand... your ways oh Lord, what specific learning you just want me learn? or what is your only direction for me?? til where and when is your leading here? am I supposed to change my path? or continue on this path... i want to quit oh GOD, but you know my heart.. it only satisfy following you.. you are the boss of my life... you are my leader.. my defender.. my teacher.. my healer.. my protector,..my strength, my provider.. my all and my Father..

i will be still oh Lord, I will wait for your leading.. I will wait for you, for i trust you.. my heart is lost, but i know it can be found in you, it is broken, but i know it will be restored, Oh GOD all mighty... please i beg you.. listen to my affliction, hear my cry oh GOD, hear my plead, you know the deires of my heart, you know my needs, you know whats best for me...you oh GOD are the ruler.. forever you will reign..

help me bring back the joy of my heart, help me bring back the so much love i have... help me bring back life oh GOD... im lost... im broken...

GOD i did love.. i know what is love... and i know how to love... i applied your teaching... i showed my learnings... GOD, YOU are the one who give love.. and i thank you...

in the end.. i dont know.. and all i know... you know...

If I could..

If I could just tell you how inlove I am to you
If I could just show you how much I care for you
If I could prove to you how I want to be beside you
I would..
I made a vow with GOD.
Ecclesiastes 5:4

Just give me time.. I will pray.. I will overcome.. and I will come..
By GOD’s grace, but GOD’s mercy, but GOD’s love
I know HE will took away all my fears…
Please wait..
This is my first step… to be alone…
to be with HIM.. so that I could be with you...
just trust ^^,

Overcoming fear to cross the boundary to love

This may sound stupid and funny, but overcoming fear to cross the boundary to love ain’t easy, I’ve been struggling for almost a year. Right now I still don’t know how to overcome, but I am decided the answer to when, it is now or never. I love this guy, a love that I don’t know how it happen, all I know is that it happen, and all I know is that it came from GOD. I wanted to show this guy my love, but even a friendly talk or how are you I cannot do. I am acting so weird and awkward toward him, so different from other people, I am this super PR type of girl, yet to him, my tongue seems cut. I don’t know.. I want to regret my broken hearts, but I don’t want too because I grow from their. Now I am having difficulty because I am full of fear. Fear of getting hurt. I want to love this person, but I don’t know how. It kills me when I hurt him, but over and over again, that what I am doing. I sometimes thought that it seems better for me to just die than hurt the person I love. I want to be ready, but my fears are eating me, I can’t move, I look stupid, I am so immature. “do not hurt the one you love, it is self defeating..” so true.. everyday, I’ve been praying for this, but I can’t do a thing, I know GOD has been so merciful to me. HE is trying to help me many times. But many times I failed HIM and I hurt him. You know how much it hurts? You know how scary it is? My whole life, I’ve been hurt, yet I grow, I mature, now is the time to love, but I still live in fear, now I’ll be needing this 4 days, to think, to overcome, what I have to overcome, because I want this Friday to be ready. Because I believe I will be ready, If I prepare and ask for GOD’s mercy. GOD is a loving GOD. HE will help me. I know HE will help me.

HER

I have an ex-friend… at first she was okey with me, we enjoy chatting and being together.. that is why I have shared a lot of my life with her.. when one day I see her heart… her heart is stained.. she hope bad things for other people… she wants what she wants, without having 2nd thoughts of how other people feels.. she is a great devil fighter.. im scared of her.. I don’t want to be her friend anymore…
Once in a family camp, we are assigned in the same room, because of my great fear of her attitude, I re-arrange the room assignment because I don’t want to be with her. I have hurt her, but I am only protecting myself, because I saw her heart.
She knew many things about the one guy I love and prayed for, I didn’t expect that she would one day do what I am so afraid of her. To have my love away from me. Right now she hasn’t stolen him yet. But she is in the process. It hurts me to see like that, also it hurts me to see what she is doing to me. She is more aggressive than me, she is more ready, she have a strong heart, and I don’t she knew my fear, and she is taking advantage of it, everything is so hard for me. I want to cry. Always, everyday, morning, afternoon and evening.. I am so afraid of her. She sees me as an enemy. The problem with me is that I am full of fear that is why the devil taking advantage of it. The devil is so wise. He even uses this woman against me. With this problem, GOD is not being glorified.. I am sinning. Because how could I continue to stay and live in fear if I have GOD in me. I am oh so relying on my strength and continue holding back from GOD’s promises… She complicates my life, and I don’t want her win. Oh GOD please continue to help me… I can always feel your works, you saving me repeatedly. . thank YOU

101 for boys and girls

wrote this during the brownout yesterday, this things been in my thought since July 12, 2010 to July 14, 2010 ^_^

- Know, love, trust and fear GOD
- pray, pray more, pray a lot, pray hard on your knees
- Look around
- beauty fades, character won’t, so don’t go for beauty, you won’t be happy
- learn to see one’s heart
- know who you are
- know your heart
- be stable in decision making
- know that love is given without expectations
- know how to court (girls and boys)
- don’t go to where you see chance, you create them
- get over your past (no excess baggage), let go of fear, let go of doubt and worry (easy say things, hard to do)
- take risk, there’s no insurance for love, but assurance is a no challenge thing
- clear your intention (boys)
- know how to entertain (girls)
- know the right words
- be ready with competence, be confident, don’t lose heart (boys)
- know who to give chance (girls)
- know how and when to ask
- show faithfulness, don’t flirt (boys and girls)
- guard you heart & eyes, man may not see, but GOD can see
- if it’s GOD’s will, it will, never doubt, one will know if HE is at work, GOD’s will is never easy to understand, and definitely hard to follow, but it will always be worth it and fulfilling in the end
- give time and effort, love is giving not investing, while be willing to spend is part, but not a requirement
- action and words, speak and work together
- remember the Filipino saying “kapag may tiyaga may nilaga” in English saying “Patience is a virtue”.. same point anyway haha
- know how to love
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, read, understand, follow and apply what is love in the Bible
- learn how to love
- selfishness cannot give love
- pride will get you nowhere
- face consequences, we are subject to it
- blaming is never a thing, don’t blame anyone with your words and actions, its yours not theirs, grow up
- think a lot
- know when to listen
- know when to understand
- be without conditions
- revenge has to have no room, so forgive as much as you do
- it is like math.. full of proving (boys)
- check, analyze, take time and study (girls)
- grow, learn and mature
- know how, when to wait
- never settle for anything less, GOD wants the best for her daughter (girls)
- ask for wisdom, GOD give it to those who listen
- Be ready: prepare to be ready, make sure your ready, and to be ready is to know all of these, because if you are ready, GOD will give you what HE have for you, else it will be wasted

while writing this, got one person on my mind...
if someone feels rejected, maybe he really is not, maybe he just ain't ready.. thats why he commit small mistakes that made him feel rejected.. ^_^
i am still.. still waiting.. waiting.. waiting for this person.. ^_^
GOD provided me wisdom.. and i put all my trust in HIM ^_^

trusting GOD.. folowing HIS will.. and just have FAITH

GOD is truly mysterious hehehe sometimes HE will make you do things and put you in situations you won't understand...provide you wisdom you dont know where it came from....its really hard to follow HIS will...i did wrestle too,i question what HE is asking me to do..once I asked HIM to stop everything, and change HIS will to me because everything is so complicated and im having a hard time and having a hard feelings...i cried in pain, HE is merciful ah, in an instant HE did.. then HE gave me this cold treatment..."kills me" then what happen next I suffer, when I realize that I really have to follow HIS will, i ask forgiveness and promise that whetever it takes I will follow, He still provide and blessed me in that situation.. and continually HE is still so faithful to me..if sometimes Im in hardship of HIS will.. I would tell HIM that right now I don't understand and Im truly having a hard time, GOD knows one's heart,so HE knew if I am lying or just acting..I would ask HIM that I need some answer then amazingly HE will give..if sometimes i doubt & worry because it really do happen,HE would like whisper and slap this words on my face.. "have I not proven enough,I said wait & trust ME" yes ofcourse what a hard headed individual I can be to GOD, HE just worked and I know, yet I still doubt and worry...so shame on me right?!!! haha ^_^ but come to think of it.. my relationship with GOD is geniune... not all are given this chance to be this close to HIM.. and i think not everyone had the chance to really follow on HIS will.. its amazing how GOD did it.. it amazing how gracious HE can be to me for me to hear HIM, know HIM, understand HIM and follow HIM... you know the bottom line for this relationship is FAITH.. ^_^ Oh well, its a nice nice feeling ... love it.. ^_^