Overcoming fear to cross the boundary to love

This may sound stupid and funny, but overcoming fear to cross the boundary to love ain’t easy, I’ve been struggling for almost a year. Right now I still don’t know how to overcome, but I am decided the answer to when, it is now or never. I love this guy, a love that I don’t know how it happen, all I know is that it happen, and all I know is that it came from GOD. I wanted to show this guy my love, but even a friendly talk or how are you I cannot do. I am acting so weird and awkward toward him, so different from other people, I am this super PR type of girl, yet to him, my tongue seems cut. I don’t know.. I want to regret my broken hearts, but I don’t want too because I grow from their. Now I am having difficulty because I am full of fear. Fear of getting hurt. I want to love this person, but I don’t know how. It kills me when I hurt him, but over and over again, that what I am doing. I sometimes thought that it seems better for me to just die than hurt the person I love. I want to be ready, but my fears are eating me, I can’t move, I look stupid, I am so immature. “do not hurt the one you love, it is self defeating..” so true.. everyday, I’ve been praying for this, but I can’t do a thing, I know GOD has been so merciful to me. HE is trying to help me many times. But many times I failed HIM and I hurt him. You know how much it hurts? You know how scary it is? My whole life, I’ve been hurt, yet I grow, I mature, now is the time to love, but I still live in fear, now I’ll be needing this 4 days, to think, to overcome, what I have to overcome, because I want this Friday to be ready. Because I believe I will be ready, If I prepare and ask for GOD’s mercy. GOD is a loving GOD. HE will help me. I know HE will help me.