Proud

i believe that let the reason to forgive is love...

1st thought: you won't hate a person, if you didn't love him first

2nd thought: you will only get affected with a person if that person means something to you.. so if they don't mean any.. you won't get affected..

it ain't really easy to just forget and forgive.. but love made it easy..

how?
last tuesday i talked to a friend.. she told me that it could be that this is the true reason why...

she heard that this guy (the one I loved.. ) likes a girls so much, and then his parents made an investigation about the girl's family background.. they found out that her dad is a gambler before, was jailed due that and that her dad has lots of negative past.. like alcohol, cigarettes and etc.. they didn't like that..

okey..
so what a coincidence.. im guilty. my dad is like that..

before early part of 2010.. around April or May our pastor gives example..
1. a guy likes a girl, the guy family made an investigation something like ive said happened
2. that the family of this guy likes a girl for him, he didnt like her, they like the family of that girl too ; and this another girl which this guy likes, but his family didn't like

now.. I thank GOD.. because things gets clearer to me..
I think I know now why everything is so complicated...
And Im not mad or hurt or anything.. that I thank GOD..

1. for me I understand the part of his parents... I forgive them... let GOD do the judging... but I didn't mean I want them to be judge by GOD for they did to me.. I told GOD that I forgive them.. so HE may forgive them too.. I understand.. that's why it's okey.. yeah it could be unfair for my part.. but that's life...

2. GOD said.. "I never said like would be fair... I just promised that it would be beautiful if you have ME." ~ and I cling to that.

3. yeah it may sound they judge me, but what can I do.. I cannot blame myself for I did nothing.. It's my father doing.. I cannot continue balming him for his past.. I love him my father too even if he is bad.. he is still through him who made it possible to give me this life

4. Im proud of the guy I loved.. no wonder why GOD made me love him and no wonder why did I love him.. I think I still want to say I love him for what he did.. he did the right thing.. I also would want to have blessing from the parents.. I wouldn't want to insist something that is not blessed and allowed.. I want GOD to be happy and glorified. yet I cannot love this guy more anymore.. I have to control how I feel.. else it will eat me alive. I cannot live in pain. I just want to live in joy with GOD. with GOD I am complete and content.
I cannot also bear or stand the fact that something will happen to his parents., if incase he fought for me. I wouldn't want him to do that, I want him to obey his parents. it is through them that made it possible for him to be alive now..

5. I have accepted the fact that it is really hard to accept my family no matter how okey I can be.. so with this thing I am fine, it's all in matter of acceptance.

6. I am made to give love and forgive.. GOD is smiling when I am like that and becoming more like that.. HE is molding me to be like that.. all my life I lived in pain.. and all my life I have learned and need to forgive. that's why I have a happy heart.

7. I didn't say that everything between me and him ends.. possible it is not willed.. possible that it is still willed.. I trust GOD.. so whatever happens .. be ready.. all I know, that I will follow GOD's leading.. bare in mind that nothing is impossible with GOD. HE is in control. just trust HIS leading. just don't expect so that I won't get disappointed. there is this though "no man can part what GOD hasd willed."

8. If it's not him, I will wait who is willed by GOD to me, someone who will and his family will accept me and my family, love me and I will love him, by GOD's leading and grace.. with this GOD's gift called love.. I will not get into any relationship just because I am getting old.. I won't let time pressure me. I will just always wait in GOD's time and leading.

9. what happened to me is an inspiration for me to strive more and achieve more in life with GOD's help and leading. and I will continue to rely on GOD and never question HIS plans for me, for it is to prosper me and give me hope. I am so blessedn that I mature in life through GOD. it may be though.. but hey GOD is the best teacher. HE gives me wisdom and make me love HIM more.

10. forgiving him is not hard.. I already have forgiven him.. because I love him. that's what GOD taught me. and I will be happy if he is happy. just love mj.. that's the gift from GOD.

I have fought the fight,I have finished the race.I have obeyed GOD.I kept my oath to GOD.

now GOD will stand for me. HE is with me.

just pray! this is powerful. c",) but when I pray I must listen more and speak less.. c",)