Saturday, November 20, 2010
Adjust
Recently I learn that I need to adjust to the will of GOD, yeah I admit it’s my entire fault. Because of my great fear. But still it always takes 2 to tango. Hehehe well I am adjusting now, I am trying to be calm all the time, and to have control. I’m a very impulsive person. I’m learning how to control my emotions so that when I see him I wont get wrong, I wont hurt him, GOD is slowly showing me everything, what to do and what I have done, and teaching me of how to improve and all. HE is really amazing. Now I have to learn to talk to him not in panic mode, I need to learn to converse with him, and I need to learn to smile to him, very important, because we two started with a smile. Imagine how simple does my problem sound, but guess what it’s really a big problem to me. Hahaha I keep practicing, looking at the mirror practising how to talk to him, how to smile to him, how to approach, what to say, not just for a moment ah, I’ve been thinking how to adjust the whole day, imagine that, this really taking me a big effort, if he only knew. It’s really hard for me, I don’t know why too, in my whole life, I think this is the first time I felt something like this, too awkward too weird for me, because I am a people relation person, but with him, my tongue is gone, when I see him I panic, and I want to hide, hahaha torpe! Torpe ako! Hahaha I don’t know, hay.. how I hope to say to him to please exert more effort, because I am having a hard time, the thing is we we’re the same, Torpe! hehehe And I know he have exerted effort too, and got hurt, how I wanted to say sorry ^_^ anyway since GOD is leading me to exert more effort in adjusting, I will. ^_^
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Love Phobia
When I was younger, I never thought that there will be a thing such as love phobia, but there is. And I am one of the patient of this social anxiety disorder. O yes.. im one of the people who have phobias. I also can’t believe.. but with my past love life no wonder. Its really hard to fight phobia. Its like dying over and over again. Can u imagine seeing the one you love, every time you do, you die. You die because you love him, you die because you are afraid to love him, but guess what? It’s stupidity. What the Bible say is true, GOD is Love, and perfect love drives away fear. For love dispels darkness. Love washes out and burns negativity. Love shines and penetrates like the rays of the Sun. Love always heals.
1Corinthian 13:4-8 Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, trust, always hopes and always perserverse. Love never fails.
It’s funny to be afraid of loving for the reason of being afraid to be hurt, but what hurts most is not loving and loosing the person you love. So why fear? Instead… go and love. Show it. ^_^ and I will.. by GOD’s grace under HIS will whom I draw my strength.
1Corinthian 13:4-8 Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, trust, always hopes and always perserverse. Love never fails.
It’s funny to be afraid of loving for the reason of being afraid to be hurt, but what hurts most is not loving and loosing the person you love. So why fear? Instead… go and love. Show it. ^_^ and I will.. by GOD’s grace under HIS will whom I draw my strength.
Don’t rush
“Don’t rush because if you do, you will only hurt yourself.”
What a sentence, but profoundly very true. How can you be on something GOD is not yet done preparing or haven’t finished doing. the servant should wait on his Master for the assignment. So be patient and wait. Let GOD use times of waiting to mold and shape your character. Let GOD use those times to purify your life and make you into a clean vessel for HIS service. as you obey HIM, GOD will prepare you for the assignment that is just right for you.
What a sentence, but profoundly very true. How can you be on something GOD is not yet done preparing or haven’t finished doing. the servant should wait on his Master for the assignment. So be patient and wait. Let GOD use times of waiting to mold and shape your character. Let GOD use those times to purify your life and make you into a clean vessel for HIS service. as you obey HIM, GOD will prepare you for the assignment that is just right for you.
Jealous GOD
GOD said that HE is a jealous GOD. HE wants to be love 1st above all. I will my GOD. ^_^
Monday, November 15, 2010
Ready
Ready? Am I ready?
Hmmm
Recently I always ask myself this. Am I ready for love? Favourite topic hahaha
Last time, I wasn’t ready for love. Now am I?
Go back to last time. Yes last time I am not ready for love, because I am too afraid. Afraid to get hurt again. My whole life is full of hurt, because of love that is why I am fearful. Not until I knew it was him, perfect love drives out fear.
GOD is preparing me to be ready. That’s all I know. I can see GOD hands in everything.
All this time I am thinking that how can I be ready if he is not ready. Just this moment I realize that… how can he also be ready if I am not ready. Because all this time I was just waiting for him to be ready. So is he. So we were both waiting. Okey so nothing will happen hahaha
Ok. So it really takes 2 to tango. Wait..
Is this silence healthy? It’s a risk. But yes it’s a need. Why? so both will take time to think.
Space is really needed. For people to grow and matured. Even Jesus take a pause.
He took a pause to know and make clear the will of GOD.
In this silence I learned some of the things I need to know with life. The things I need to improve and change. The mistakes I commit. And the failures I am doing.
It is not only I who needs to think, improve and learn, he also. But let us not focus on his mistakes. Let him do his own blog posting all his.hehehe everything should focus first on their own mistakes, before looking at other’s mistakes.
Now I am ready. Yet still, GOD knows when is really the ready time, maybe GOD will still want to show me additional leading before totally be ready. I will just continually pray to GOD to let everything fall into place.
And I will continually pray that GOD will ready both. So that in HIS time everything will be beautiful ^_^
Just be ready!!
Hmmm
Recently I always ask myself this. Am I ready for love? Favourite topic hahaha
Last time, I wasn’t ready for love. Now am I?
Go back to last time. Yes last time I am not ready for love, because I am too afraid. Afraid to get hurt again. My whole life is full of hurt, because of love that is why I am fearful. Not until I knew it was him, perfect love drives out fear.
GOD is preparing me to be ready. That’s all I know. I can see GOD hands in everything.
All this time I am thinking that how can I be ready if he is not ready. Just this moment I realize that… how can he also be ready if I am not ready. Because all this time I was just waiting for him to be ready. So is he. So we were both waiting. Okey so nothing will happen hahaha
Ok. So it really takes 2 to tango. Wait..
Is this silence healthy? It’s a risk. But yes it’s a need. Why? so both will take time to think.
Space is really needed. For people to grow and matured. Even Jesus take a pause.
He took a pause to know and make clear the will of GOD.
In this silence I learned some of the things I need to know with life. The things I need to improve and change. The mistakes I commit. And the failures I am doing.
It is not only I who needs to think, improve and learn, he also. But let us not focus on his mistakes. Let him do his own blog posting all his.hehehe everything should focus first on their own mistakes, before looking at other’s mistakes.
Now I am ready. Yet still, GOD knows when is really the ready time, maybe GOD will still want to show me additional leading before totally be ready. I will just continually pray to GOD to let everything fall into place.
And I will continually pray that GOD will ready both. So that in HIS time everything will be beautiful ^_^
Just be ready!!
Self control
This is one of the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
This is the truth, I lack self control, I easily get addicted to things that’s why I always practice prevention is better than cure, I can’t control my emotions, if I am happy, I am hyper happy, same with sadness and madness. I can’t also control my mouth, I have a big mouth, I always talk, I talk a lot. I always say my thoughts. Sometimes I fail to think before I talk. Same with texting messages, I always text I even text my thoughts. I need to control all these. Because my strengths becomes my weakness because of lack of self-control. I am too impulsive. My service to GOD also get affected. Now I have to stop all these before I can get back to my service. Because I first need to know how to control. Now I am praying to GOD to teach me how to control.
Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
This is the truth, I lack self control, I easily get addicted to things that’s why I always practice prevention is better than cure, I can’t control my emotions, if I am happy, I am hyper happy, same with sadness and madness. I can’t also control my mouth, I have a big mouth, I always talk, I talk a lot. I always say my thoughts. Sometimes I fail to think before I talk. Same with texting messages, I always text I even text my thoughts. I need to control all these. Because my strengths becomes my weakness because of lack of self-control. I am too impulsive. My service to GOD also get affected. Now I have to stop all these before I can get back to my service. Because I first need to know how to control. Now I am praying to GOD to teach me how to control.
Friday, November 12, 2010
foothold
the real foodthold of the enemy to me is facebook and ym, here he deceives me and twist my mind, he try to make me confuse. he uses people to confuse me. Oh how thankful Iam that I have GOD, HE saves me. I love GOD.
LOVE
GOD gave you to me... GOD made me love you and it wont change. ^_^ the love is from GOD. it's from GOD. amazing. love is true, true love is from true love. ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9taG2SSp8k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9taG2SSp8k
in a week of silence
after surrendering everything to GOD. i had a week of silence. where i dont entertain talks.. only with my best friend C and sister S, i only release emotions to them, but practising not to listen with their comments. it is only to GOD i will listen. no advice is best suitable for this. it is only GOD's voice i will follow. i will only obey the voice that I believe. today everything is well and okey. how i hope i can tell him right away, but no, GOD said to me, not a word. i still have no commands to text him, but i will greet him later. im so excited, because i know I am released from my fears. i have broken the enemy's foothold. and I thank GOD. Im hoping in GOD's time that everything will fall into place. for HIS glory. i will repeatedly say to all "I will fulfill the will of GOD." in HIM i draw strength. I will walk in faith with HIM, in HIM i trust. in HIM i hope and in HIM I believe. I will always believe. GOD is at work, I see HIM work and I feel HIM work. if GOD is with us, who can be against us. GOD will continue to work, just listen to HIS voice. I love YOU GOD.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Pn4KQqSrrA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Pn4KQqSrrA
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
fixing my life
GOD wants me to fix my life first, HE wants me to solve all my unresolve issues in my life, from childhood to present, so that i'll be ready, this is HIS preparation for me to be the right one when the one HE will for me comes...because i won't be able to fix the other areas of my life if i am not totally healed...i still believe what GOD has instore for me, HE just wants me to obey, like what HE told me, not a word, now Iam doing it, HE wants me to surrender it all.. i asked GOD how, now HE is teaching me how, HE is teaching me to give my most important part of my life to HIM, for HE knew best. HE wants me to let go, HE don't want me to have a strong grip on it, because HE can see me wounded and weary, GOD truly loves me. and Iam taking a big risk.. all in as Lin Bok Su said.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgvYFxW_QM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9geV211GHU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvgvYFxW_QM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9geV211GHU
good to have GOD
one good thing of having a GOD is that HE will teach you to forgive people many times, several times, all the time, even they didn't ask forgiveness from you. GOD will give you a kind, loving, forgiving and obedient heart.
another good thing is that when you fully surrender your life to GOD, everything will be light, the will of GOD should not be heavy and burdensome, if you give entrust HIM to lead you, to walk in HIS path, in HIS strength and in HIS ways. just follow.
another good thing is that when you fully surrender your life to GOD, everything will be light, the will of GOD should not be heavy and burdensome, if you give entrust HIM to lead you, to walk in HIS path, in HIS strength and in HIS ways. just follow.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
GOD is at work
just keep quiet mj.. GOD is at work... trust.. surrender... have faith and obey.. and be free.. because you are in the truth... ^_^
lucky 8 (this must be published)
my new courting rules!! a must!!
1. Pray to GOD
2. Talk to Lin Bok Su , he should know
3. Clear his intentions to me
4. Public should know (my friends, my church mates, his family, his friends, his church mates )
5. He has to prove it
6. Only 1 month minimum to court me 3 months maximum
7. only places to court me 1st UECM (church), 2nd group dates, 3rd House (i will tell if he seems to pass hehehe)
8. Go back to GOD and pray
who will dare??? ^_^ GOD bless... I will just know if its GOD's will... also i have no compromise.. after all i've been through.. ^_^
1. Pray to GOD
2. Talk to Lin Bok Su , he should know
3. Clear his intentions to me
4. Public should know (my friends, my church mates, his family, his friends, his church mates )
5. He has to prove it
6. Only 1 month minimum to court me 3 months maximum
7. only places to court me 1st UECM (church), 2nd group dates, 3rd House (i will tell if he seems to pass hehehe)
8. Go back to GOD and pray
who will dare??? ^_^ GOD bless... I will just know if its GOD's will... also i have no compromise.. after all i've been through.. ^_^
my love to my LOVE
my love to my LOVE....
enough is enough... three times is too much ^_^
time to be back to reality. i cannot live in his crazy world full of analyzation. ill get insane. and I am sane.. i cannot conform to him, i love him so much that i keep adjusting to him. i can no longer do this. he havent proven anything. and me i have proven everything. ive waited for 1.5 years.. i did compromise, i closed my door and windows to all guys, so that it would not be hard for him. oh well, i have just surrender everything to GOD.. ^_^ im happy to be in the truth.. ^_^
enough is enough... three times is too much ^_^
time to be back to reality. i cannot live in his crazy world full of analyzation. ill get insane. and I am sane.. i cannot conform to him, i love him so much that i keep adjusting to him. i can no longer do this. he havent proven anything. and me i have proven everything. ive waited for 1.5 years.. i did compromise, i closed my door and windows to all guys, so that it would not be hard for him. oh well, i have just surrender everything to GOD.. ^_^ im happy to be in the truth.. ^_^
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
welcome back mj at multiply.. goodbye FB hehehe
im going back to multiply.. i find peace here.. than .. u know hehe
since people are too busy FBing.. ill be busy MULTIPLYing.. hehehehe
the past months.. life becomes so complicated for me.. many times i don't understand things anymore.. not the life i have before.. i don't know if ill be happy or what.. before these things happen.. my life is at peace... calm... so spontaneous.. so joyful.. so fun... free indeed... thats the time im growing in GOD's love.. the time where I am strengthening my foundation.. and nurishing and purifying myself with GOD's love... feeding my mind more of HIS words... things like that.. I was also aware then that I am full of peace and happy.. didn't expect that when one gets matured.. one has to be used.. one has to be called.. one gets to be attacked... sounds Crazy huh? o yeah..im in this crazy spiritual secular world right now...its like walking in 2 worlds... while you keep walking and following the spiritual call.. your secular body suffers alot... the past weeks i just wish that nobody sees me... only to people who i trust... the past days.. i hate being asked how iam.. because i no longer know how to answer that question.. i just wish not to talk to anyone.. i just want to talk to people who i want to talk to... i wish ..yeah because i know what i want is impossible.. really its hard to be called and to follow obey and understand things you dont understand.. hard.. how i wish GOD would just show up and explain to everyone what HE has called me... so that it wont be hard for me.. but that's where faith and trust comes... then my oh so...being practice book.. the book of JAMES...
consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask GOD,who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubt is like the wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. that man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:2-8
yes!! yes!! yes!! im trying to be in joy in rejoice while in this trial.. the trial is really hard..im crying in pain while trying to give thanks and rejoice.. and really what the Bible says is so true.. you have to persevere.. to mature more in faith.. i always ask GOD for wisdom, HE do give.. HE answer.. awesome indeed.. but the problem is.. at first im stable..happy.. at go go go mode.. but then along the way im being tossed by the wind.. im in doubt because the wisdom that i had was so different from what iam hearing and seeing in this secular world.. im always shaken..im always being attacked by satan.. he is clever.. that i can say.. but with that.. i pray hard.. all the scripture im reading enters my mind.. Bible words to the rescue.. thank GOD.
i also did needed tha book of Proverbs, Eccleciates, Job, Jeremiah and Psalms..
walking by faith.. sometimes sound stupid for other people.. even with some spiritual people. they don't understand my call.. because they always use their practical worldly mind their logical point of view to view my call or my situation... so i hate to talk to people who cant understand because its pointless. i wont get help but instead advices ill later regret.. because these are not from my faith. but even like this.. i understand them.. they care so they want what they thought good for me..or right. but the thing is its not their call.. its my call. how hard it is to be called.
why iam suffering now? its all my fault.. why? because i first ignore my call.. because then i dont understand.. plus this person.. he dont know what he is doing.. he never pointed out his true intention.. he is making me think crazy then.. and now i become really crazy. but i was also in fear... satan is using my fear then to not make this fulfilled... i was living in fear then.. i was so fearful.. and i know thats my sin .. so now im punished.. tsk tsk tsk
i have overcome my fear.. and i fought.. i ran the race... but still now i havent finished the will.. so im dead to GOD.. once HE got mad at me when i told HIM i dont want this anymore i want this stop.. HE granted but guess what.. HE made me suffer.. HE made me feel pain... til i asked for forgiveness and promised HIM that i will finish this whatever it takes. and proving HIM that Iam enduring the pains.. now, HE is still at lead in my life.. leads my every step.. HE just taught me to pray super duper often as possible.. to pray for even super small things possible... in everything i learned to pray.. because without HIS leading HIS wisdom.. im lost then i suffer...so now i know the value and power of prayer... even in sound small things..i could be big.
now GOD is teaching me to surrender it all to HIM that my power is not enough that when I fight i should learn how to trust HIM and surrender everything to HIM and HE will fight for me. that in everything .. it is not my ways.. it is always HIS ways.. hmm sound easy .. surrender all to HIM.. no, its not.. recently i always pray to HIM to help me know how to surrender it all to HIM.. because it aint easy.. really. HARD. a small grip is still a grip.
Time.. we can never plan anything in our time.. it is always HIS time.. so always be prepared.. because when HIS time comes.. you wouldn't want to missed it.. because HE might again got mad and again i might suffer... pls.. no to suffering anymore.. too much pain.. i have enough... huhuhu all i want is to follow and obey. to much disciplining GOD.. but still you always know what is enough.
Wait for the Lord, another lesson. o my my my.. what ah... yes really indeed wait is one of the hardest thing to do.. its easy to leave than to wait.. imagine waiting for someone in your house for 2 hours.. imagine that... what more waiting for HIS time for more than a year already.. to be almost exact 1 year and 6 months already... its a long wait.. all GOD is telling me WAIT.. WAIT.. WAIT... i always follow... many times i want to give up.. but GOD is drawing me back over and over again.. you know the feeling to be drag back.. thats what iam feeling.. im always drag back... as ive said its easier to leave... so happy to leave then drag back to suffer... imagine that!!! so the past weeks im not totally leaving what iam usually doing.. but now giving up is what iam into.. everytime iam to give up.. GOD gives reason not to.. amazing how HE works.. so beautiful... you will know that HE is really in control.. great!! the past weeks i always feel sophocated with the situation.. its like dying alive.. hard.. im still alive but feels like dying everyday.. i sometimes ask GOD.. can I just be with YOU.. because im in pain here.. yuhu... my Daddy GOD.. knock knock! hehe
in this trial i saw the enemy uses people who are also believers, but in weak state of faith, to attack, used them not to fulfill GOD's willed.. u know why? because the enemy knows... he knows who are his enemy.. he knows who gets strenghthen when the willed took place... he knows.. that is why.. he is focused working too.. working for this not to be fulfilled... but again thank GOD.. because when HE allowed the enemy, HE put me in trial.. not to simply make me just suffer... but to strengthen my faith.. because HE knows my capabilities and extends... great GOD.. worthy of praise.. yahoo!!
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
now my prayer is like this.. GOD im so helpless... nobody can help me but YOU, YOU are in this from the beginning... You worked , i saw and felt YOU working... YOU are so powerful, YOU move hearts, please work GOD, YOU are greater than this world. YOU know my fights, YOU know where iam now, YOU know im weary, wounded and weak. please help fulfilling YOUR will, since its YOUR plan.. may thy will be done... in YOUR ways oh Lord. Please hear YOUR servants cry for mercy. YOU know my heart, YOU know how i want to finished this.. In YOU i trust. I love YOU, GOD.
this is what i call spiritual fight... i thank GOD because im real HIS... and i know where i really belong... ^_^
here in my trials, i have applied all the pains i been through my life.. my love life.. now i understand why did they all happen... its for today.. for HIS glory.. ^_^
"true love never leaves true love, for true love waits for true love." - mj lee
"true love is from GOD, and the real true love will only comes from GOD our true love." - mj lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMhbD1yl4rs
since people are too busy FBing.. ill be busy MULTIPLYing.. hehehehe
the past months.. life becomes so complicated for me.. many times i don't understand things anymore.. not the life i have before.. i don't know if ill be happy or what.. before these things happen.. my life is at peace... calm... so spontaneous.. so joyful.. so fun... free indeed... thats the time im growing in GOD's love.. the time where I am strengthening my foundation.. and nurishing and purifying myself with GOD's love... feeding my mind more of HIS words... things like that.. I was also aware then that I am full of peace and happy.. didn't expect that when one gets matured.. one has to be used.. one has to be called.. one gets to be attacked... sounds Crazy huh? o yeah..im in this crazy spiritual secular world right now...its like walking in 2 worlds... while you keep walking and following the spiritual call.. your secular body suffers alot... the past weeks i just wish that nobody sees me... only to people who i trust... the past days.. i hate being asked how iam.. because i no longer know how to answer that question.. i just wish not to talk to anyone.. i just want to talk to people who i want to talk to... i wish ..yeah because i know what i want is impossible.. really its hard to be called and to follow obey and understand things you dont understand.. hard.. how i wish GOD would just show up and explain to everyone what HE has called me... so that it wont be hard for me.. but that's where faith and trust comes... then my oh so...being practice book.. the book of JAMES...
consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverance. perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask GOD,who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubt is like the wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. that man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:2-8
yes!! yes!! yes!! im trying to be in joy in rejoice while in this trial.. the trial is really hard..im crying in pain while trying to give thanks and rejoice.. and really what the Bible says is so true.. you have to persevere.. to mature more in faith.. i always ask GOD for wisdom, HE do give.. HE answer.. awesome indeed.. but the problem is.. at first im stable..happy.. at go go go mode.. but then along the way im being tossed by the wind.. im in doubt because the wisdom that i had was so different from what iam hearing and seeing in this secular world.. im always shaken..im always being attacked by satan.. he is clever.. that i can say.. but with that.. i pray hard.. all the scripture im reading enters my mind.. Bible words to the rescue.. thank GOD.
i also did needed tha book of Proverbs, Eccleciates, Job, Jeremiah and Psalms..
walking by faith.. sometimes sound stupid for other people.. even with some spiritual people. they don't understand my call.. because they always use their practical worldly mind their logical point of view to view my call or my situation... so i hate to talk to people who cant understand because its pointless. i wont get help but instead advices ill later regret.. because these are not from my faith. but even like this.. i understand them.. they care so they want what they thought good for me..or right. but the thing is its not their call.. its my call. how hard it is to be called.
why iam suffering now? its all my fault.. why? because i first ignore my call.. because then i dont understand.. plus this person.. he dont know what he is doing.. he never pointed out his true intention.. he is making me think crazy then.. and now i become really crazy. but i was also in fear... satan is using my fear then to not make this fulfilled... i was living in fear then.. i was so fearful.. and i know thats my sin .. so now im punished.. tsk tsk tsk
i have overcome my fear.. and i fought.. i ran the race... but still now i havent finished the will.. so im dead to GOD.. once HE got mad at me when i told HIM i dont want this anymore i want this stop.. HE granted but guess what.. HE made me suffer.. HE made me feel pain... til i asked for forgiveness and promised HIM that i will finish this whatever it takes. and proving HIM that Iam enduring the pains.. now, HE is still at lead in my life.. leads my every step.. HE just taught me to pray super duper often as possible.. to pray for even super small things possible... in everything i learned to pray.. because without HIS leading HIS wisdom.. im lost then i suffer...so now i know the value and power of prayer... even in sound small things..i could be big.
now GOD is teaching me to surrender it all to HIM that my power is not enough that when I fight i should learn how to trust HIM and surrender everything to HIM and HE will fight for me. that in everything .. it is not my ways.. it is always HIS ways.. hmm sound easy .. surrender all to HIM.. no, its not.. recently i always pray to HIM to help me know how to surrender it all to HIM.. because it aint easy.. really. HARD. a small grip is still a grip.
Time.. we can never plan anything in our time.. it is always HIS time.. so always be prepared.. because when HIS time comes.. you wouldn't want to missed it.. because HE might again got mad and again i might suffer... pls.. no to suffering anymore.. too much pain.. i have enough... huhuhu all i want is to follow and obey. to much disciplining GOD.. but still you always know what is enough.
Wait for the Lord, another lesson. o my my my.. what ah... yes really indeed wait is one of the hardest thing to do.. its easy to leave than to wait.. imagine waiting for someone in your house for 2 hours.. imagine that... what more waiting for HIS time for more than a year already.. to be almost exact 1 year and 6 months already... its a long wait.. all GOD is telling me WAIT.. WAIT.. WAIT... i always follow... many times i want to give up.. but GOD is drawing me back over and over again.. you know the feeling to be drag back.. thats what iam feeling.. im always drag back... as ive said its easier to leave... so happy to leave then drag back to suffer... imagine that!!! so the past weeks im not totally leaving what iam usually doing.. but now giving up is what iam into.. everytime iam to give up.. GOD gives reason not to.. amazing how HE works.. so beautiful... you will know that HE is really in control.. great!! the past weeks i always feel sophocated with the situation.. its like dying alive.. hard.. im still alive but feels like dying everyday.. i sometimes ask GOD.. can I just be with YOU.. because im in pain here.. yuhu... my Daddy GOD.. knock knock! hehe
in this trial i saw the enemy uses people who are also believers, but in weak state of faith, to attack, used them not to fulfill GOD's willed.. u know why? because the enemy knows... he knows who are his enemy.. he knows who gets strenghthen when the willed took place... he knows.. that is why.. he is focused working too.. working for this not to be fulfilled... but again thank GOD.. because when HE allowed the enemy, HE put me in trial.. not to simply make me just suffer... but to strengthen my faith.. because HE knows my capabilities and extends... great GOD.. worthy of praise.. yahoo!!
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
now my prayer is like this.. GOD im so helpless... nobody can help me but YOU, YOU are in this from the beginning... You worked , i saw and felt YOU working... YOU are so powerful, YOU move hearts, please work GOD, YOU are greater than this world. YOU know my fights, YOU know where iam now, YOU know im weary, wounded and weak. please help fulfilling YOUR will, since its YOUR plan.. may thy will be done... in YOUR ways oh Lord. Please hear YOUR servants cry for mercy. YOU know my heart, YOU know how i want to finished this.. In YOU i trust. I love YOU, GOD.
this is what i call spiritual fight... i thank GOD because im real HIS... and i know where i really belong... ^_^
here in my trials, i have applied all the pains i been through my life.. my love life.. now i understand why did they all happen... its for today.. for HIS glory.. ^_^
"true love never leaves true love, for true love waits for true love." - mj lee
"true love is from GOD, and the real true love will only comes from GOD our true love." - mj lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMhbD1yl4rs
Monday, September 13, 2010
LOVE that is willed
still..I believe true LOVE comes from GOD.HE will give the gift of love to that certain person HE willed for,& HE will give it to both at the same time.also they will both feel HE is working & leading them about it.the enemy is wise & manipulative to use fear of both to destroy them.but GOD will not allow HE has great ...plans.just have faith & wait for the Lord.the will of GOD will take place at HIS time.at HIS time.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Still
Being still is something hard to do, but if it’s for GOD’s glory, I will.
I don’t know, but I receive a message of being STILL, regarding my love life, last August 15, 2010, when Reverend Harg Ang is the one leading the sermon and Elliott Chua is the one translating, this is the same message I receive from the LORD, I may not know HIS plan, but I will follow. I will wait for the LORD.
What is being still before the LORD?
It is enjoying GOD’s presence while waiting. Enjoying, loving, knowing, serving and being patient while listening, obeying…and waiting for HIS next command. For HIS time. In HIS time.
If I am very busy, I have to prioritize spend time with the LORD and listen to HIM.
If I spend time, I must not keep talking, one way communication is not good, it should always be two way, I should also learn and know how to listen.
Believe and never doubt. Just trust. Full trust,
Then follow and obey HIS commands.
Another strong reason for being still..
It is better to be single than marry someone who is not will by GOD for me.
~what an insight..
Struggles of being still,
1. O well, I am blessed with the gift of human relation, I am so friendly that guys find it easy to approach me and be friend with me, so I am having lot of guys who comes after me, hard, hard to reject or ignore them, hard to be not friendly, hard to be still at first because some are really okey in different ways GOD made them to be. But if they are not, I cannot also entertain them, I have to be cold to them. Satan is using them to distract me without them knowing it. We all know that satan don't want GOD's will to take place. It will ruin him, he knows that. So all I do is pray for everything. And super thank GOD, HE is drawing me close and close to HIM. Praise HIM.
2. Another, hay this guy who is willed by GOD to me, is also an eligible bachelor, he is really okey, so ladies are texting, ym-ing and FB-ing me also, they are asking lots of questions, and doing whatever things. Before this ladies shakes me, but now GOD’s leading is so obvious that made me very strong in my stand of still. O well, this is GOD’s will, tough, painful and confusing at first. But when you fully listen and obey, fully have surrendered to GOD all, and fully trust HIM, everything is not hard at all, tough yes!! But not tough because I have GOD hehehe
I have an end up question:
Is he experiencing same toughness struggles like me? I hope I can share this to him, but I can’t because I am still hahaha =P but I know, we we're both relying and trusting GOD. Praise GOD.
I don’t know, but I receive a message of being STILL, regarding my love life, last August 15, 2010, when Reverend Harg Ang is the one leading the sermon and Elliott Chua is the one translating, this is the same message I receive from the LORD, I may not know HIS plan, but I will follow. I will wait for the LORD.
What is being still before the LORD?
It is enjoying GOD’s presence while waiting. Enjoying, loving, knowing, serving and being patient while listening, obeying…and waiting for HIS next command. For HIS time. In HIS time.
If I am very busy, I have to prioritize spend time with the LORD and listen to HIM.
If I spend time, I must not keep talking, one way communication is not good, it should always be two way, I should also learn and know how to listen.
Believe and never doubt. Just trust. Full trust,
Then follow and obey HIS commands.
Another strong reason for being still..
It is better to be single than marry someone who is not will by GOD for me.
~what an insight..
Struggles of being still,
1. O well, I am blessed with the gift of human relation, I am so friendly that guys find it easy to approach me and be friend with me, so I am having lot of guys who comes after me, hard, hard to reject or ignore them, hard to be not friendly, hard to be still at first because some are really okey in different ways GOD made them to be. But if they are not, I cannot also entertain them, I have to be cold to them. Satan is using them to distract me without them knowing it. We all know that satan don't want GOD's will to take place. It will ruin him, he knows that. So all I do is pray for everything. And super thank GOD, HE is drawing me close and close to HIM. Praise HIM.
2. Another, hay this guy who is willed by GOD to me, is also an eligible bachelor, he is really okey, so ladies are texting, ym-ing and FB-ing me also, they are asking lots of questions, and doing whatever things. Before this ladies shakes me, but now GOD’s leading is so obvious that made me very strong in my stand of still. O well, this is GOD’s will, tough, painful and confusing at first. But when you fully listen and obey, fully have surrendered to GOD all, and fully trust HIM, everything is not hard at all, tough yes!! But not tough because I have GOD hehehe
I have an end up question:
Is he experiencing same toughness struggles like me? I hope I can share this to him, but I can’t because I am still hahaha =P but I know, we we're both relying and trusting GOD. Praise GOD.
I have a dream
I have a dream last Aug 22, 2010, I was like in a province,
A guy ask me to swim deep to live.. it was a big body of water like a lake or a river with many trees, when I look at the water I saw a lot of fish, they are so close together, scary if you will see, but this guy told me, I can swim deep to live and to cross under the water to reach the other side, deep is very beautiful no one can imagine because he have swim through it, I woke up.. having the question am I willing?
Before I slept, that night, there was a game, and a question I cannot forget, what have I risked for GOD? I can’t answer, because I never experienced risking anything, now I know I have a calling to share, because last Monday Aug 30, 2010, I was asked to lead a Bible study, there’s a hunger to do it more. So far, I am at this point, i got lots of unbeliever around me. May GOD continue to lead me. Praise HIM. ^_^
A guy ask me to swim deep to live.. it was a big body of water like a lake or a river with many trees, when I look at the water I saw a lot of fish, they are so close together, scary if you will see, but this guy told me, I can swim deep to live and to cross under the water to reach the other side, deep is very beautiful no one can imagine because he have swim through it, I woke up.. having the question am I willing?
Before I slept, that night, there was a game, and a question I cannot forget, what have I risked for GOD? I can’t answer, because I never experienced risking anything, now I know I have a calling to share, because last Monday Aug 30, 2010, I was asked to lead a Bible study, there’s a hunger to do it more. So far, I am at this point, i got lots of unbeliever around me. May GOD continue to lead me. Praise HIM. ^_^
Thursday, July 29, 2010
TRUST
Sometimes we don't understand the plans and ways of the Lord, but I trust the Lord with all my heart and with all my soul... I will not doubt, I will not fear, and I will not be shaken... I saw HIM work... I feel HIM work.. that is why I know HE is at work.. ^_^
i want to quit love, i dont want to hold back.. because everything is confusing and painful...but for I don't know reason GOD didn't want me.. HE wanted me to stay.. oh what a stupid thing to do.. everyone says.. quit.. everyone says you'll get hurt more, I know, I understand, I also wanted to... but I don't know why GOD won't allow me... I have no choice but to follow GOD, even if my future is uncertain and seems to be in full pain... but I just have to TRUST...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7rc3SU2zlM
i want to quit love, i dont want to hold back.. because everything is confusing and painful...but for I don't know reason GOD didn't want me.. HE wanted me to stay.. oh what a stupid thing to do.. everyone says.. quit.. everyone says you'll get hurt more, I know, I understand, I also wanted to... but I don't know why GOD won't allow me... I have no choice but to follow GOD, even if my future is uncertain and seems to be in full pain... but I just have to TRUST...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7rc3SU2zlM
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
oh ohh...
my heart is broken . and i don't know what to do.. i have just conquered fear to love.. yet love just broke my heart.. so painful and so true... im blessed to have two good sister friend with me.. who as much as possible not forsake me.. i dont understand why... my heart is in ache and mind is in chaos.. and thank GOD that HE holds it so tight that i feel lesser pain...
oh GOD who never forsake me.. help me.. you lead me here... now im lost... why dont i understand... your ways oh Lord, what specific learning you just want me learn? or what is your only direction for me?? til where and when is your leading here? am I supposed to change my path? or continue on this path... i want to quit oh GOD, but you know my heart.. it only satisfy following you.. you are the boss of my life... you are my leader.. my defender.. my teacher.. my healer.. my protector,..my strength, my provider.. my all and my Father..
i will be still oh Lord, I will wait for your leading.. I will wait for you, for i trust you.. my heart is lost, but i know it can be found in you, it is broken, but i know it will be restored, Oh GOD all mighty... please i beg you.. listen to my affliction, hear my cry oh GOD, hear my plead, you know the deires of my heart, you know my needs, you know whats best for me...you oh GOD are the ruler.. forever you will reign..
help me bring back the joy of my heart, help me bring back the so much love i have... help me bring back life oh GOD... im lost... im broken...
GOD i did love.. i know what is love... and i know how to love... i applied your teaching... i showed my learnings... GOD, YOU are the one who give love.. and i thank you...
in the end.. i dont know.. and all i know... you know...
oh GOD who never forsake me.. help me.. you lead me here... now im lost... why dont i understand... your ways oh Lord, what specific learning you just want me learn? or what is your only direction for me?? til where and when is your leading here? am I supposed to change my path? or continue on this path... i want to quit oh GOD, but you know my heart.. it only satisfy following you.. you are the boss of my life... you are my leader.. my defender.. my teacher.. my healer.. my protector,..my strength, my provider.. my all and my Father..
i will be still oh Lord, I will wait for your leading.. I will wait for you, for i trust you.. my heart is lost, but i know it can be found in you, it is broken, but i know it will be restored, Oh GOD all mighty... please i beg you.. listen to my affliction, hear my cry oh GOD, hear my plead, you know the deires of my heart, you know my needs, you know whats best for me...you oh GOD are the ruler.. forever you will reign..
help me bring back the joy of my heart, help me bring back the so much love i have... help me bring back life oh GOD... im lost... im broken...
GOD i did love.. i know what is love... and i know how to love... i applied your teaching... i showed my learnings... GOD, YOU are the one who give love.. and i thank you...
in the end.. i dont know.. and all i know... you know...
Monday, July 19, 2010
If I could..
If I could just tell you how inlove I am to you
If I could just show you how much I care for you
If I could prove to you how I want to be beside you
I would..
I made a vow with GOD.
Ecclesiastes 5:4
Just give me time.. I will pray.. I will overcome.. and I will come..
By GOD’s grace, but GOD’s mercy, but GOD’s love
I know HE will took away all my fears…
Please wait..
This is my first step… to be alone…
to be with HIM.. so that I could be with you...
just trust ^^,
If I could just show you how much I care for you
If I could prove to you how I want to be beside you
I would..
I made a vow with GOD.
Ecclesiastes 5:4
Just give me time.. I will pray.. I will overcome.. and I will come..
By GOD’s grace, but GOD’s mercy, but GOD’s love
I know HE will took away all my fears…
Please wait..
This is my first step… to be alone…
to be with HIM.. so that I could be with you...
just trust ^^,
Overcoming fear to cross the boundary to love
This may sound stupid and funny, but overcoming fear to cross the boundary to love ain’t easy, I’ve been struggling for almost a year. Right now I still don’t know how to overcome, but I am decided the answer to when, it is now or never. I love this guy, a love that I don’t know how it happen, all I know is that it happen, and all I know is that it came from GOD. I wanted to show this guy my love, but even a friendly talk or how are you I cannot do. I am acting so weird and awkward toward him, so different from other people, I am this super PR type of girl, yet to him, my tongue seems cut. I don’t know.. I want to regret my broken hearts, but I don’t want too because I grow from their. Now I am having difficulty because I am full of fear. Fear of getting hurt. I want to love this person, but I don’t know how. It kills me when I hurt him, but over and over again, that what I am doing. I sometimes thought that it seems better for me to just die than hurt the person I love. I want to be ready, but my fears are eating me, I can’t move, I look stupid, I am so immature. “do not hurt the one you love, it is self defeating..” so true.. everyday, I’ve been praying for this, but I can’t do a thing, I know GOD has been so merciful to me. HE is trying to help me many times. But many times I failed HIM and I hurt him. You know how much it hurts? You know how scary it is? My whole life, I’ve been hurt, yet I grow, I mature, now is the time to love, but I still live in fear, now I’ll be needing this 4 days, to think, to overcome, what I have to overcome, because I want this Friday to be ready. Because I believe I will be ready, If I prepare and ask for GOD’s mercy. GOD is a loving GOD. HE will help me. I know HE will help me.
HER
I have an ex-friend… at first she was okey with me, we enjoy chatting and being together.. that is why I have shared a lot of my life with her.. when one day I see her heart… her heart is stained.. she hope bad things for other people… she wants what she wants, without having 2nd thoughts of how other people feels.. she is a great devil fighter.. im scared of her.. I don’t want to be her friend anymore…
Once in a family camp, we are assigned in the same room, because of my great fear of her attitude, I re-arrange the room assignment because I don’t want to be with her. I have hurt her, but I am only protecting myself, because I saw her heart.
She knew many things about the one guy I love and prayed for, I didn’t expect that she would one day do what I am so afraid of her. To have my love away from me. Right now she hasn’t stolen him yet. But she is in the process. It hurts me to see like that, also it hurts me to see what she is doing to me. She is more aggressive than me, she is more ready, she have a strong heart, and I don’t she knew my fear, and she is taking advantage of it, everything is so hard for me. I want to cry. Always, everyday, morning, afternoon and evening.. I am so afraid of her. She sees me as an enemy. The problem with me is that I am full of fear that is why the devil taking advantage of it. The devil is so wise. He even uses this woman against me. With this problem, GOD is not being glorified.. I am sinning. Because how could I continue to stay and live in fear if I have GOD in me. I am oh so relying on my strength and continue holding back from GOD’s promises… She complicates my life, and I don’t want her win. Oh GOD please continue to help me… I can always feel your works, you saving me repeatedly. . thank YOU
Once in a family camp, we are assigned in the same room, because of my great fear of her attitude, I re-arrange the room assignment because I don’t want to be with her. I have hurt her, but I am only protecting myself, because I saw her heart.
She knew many things about the one guy I love and prayed for, I didn’t expect that she would one day do what I am so afraid of her. To have my love away from me. Right now she hasn’t stolen him yet. But she is in the process. It hurts me to see like that, also it hurts me to see what she is doing to me. She is more aggressive than me, she is more ready, she have a strong heart, and I don’t she knew my fear, and she is taking advantage of it, everything is so hard for me. I want to cry. Always, everyday, morning, afternoon and evening.. I am so afraid of her. She sees me as an enemy. The problem with me is that I am full of fear that is why the devil taking advantage of it. The devil is so wise. He even uses this woman against me. With this problem, GOD is not being glorified.. I am sinning. Because how could I continue to stay and live in fear if I have GOD in me. I am oh so relying on my strength and continue holding back from GOD’s promises… She complicates my life, and I don’t want her win. Oh GOD please continue to help me… I can always feel your works, you saving me repeatedly. . thank YOU
Thursday, July 15, 2010
101 for boys and girls
wrote this during the brownout yesterday, this things been in my thought since July 12, 2010 to July 14, 2010 ^_^
- Know, love, trust and fear GOD
- pray, pray more, pray a lot, pray hard on your knees
- Look around
- beauty fades, character won’t, so don’t go for beauty, you won’t be happy
- learn to see one’s heart
- know who you are
- know your heart
- be stable in decision making
- know that love is given without expectations
- know how to court (girls and boys)
- don’t go to where you see chance, you create them
- get over your past (no excess baggage), let go of fear, let go of doubt and worry (easy say things, hard to do)
- take risk, there’s no insurance for love, but assurance is a no challenge thing
- clear your intention (boys)
- know how to entertain (girls)
- know the right words
- be ready with competence, be confident, don’t lose heart (boys)
- know who to give chance (girls)
- know how and when to ask
- show faithfulness, don’t flirt (boys and girls)
- guard you heart & eyes, man may not see, but GOD can see
- if it’s GOD’s will, it will, never doubt, one will know if HE is at work, GOD’s will is never easy to understand, and definitely hard to follow, but it will always be worth it and fulfilling in the end
- give time and effort, love is giving not investing, while be willing to spend is part, but not a requirement
- action and words, speak and work together
- remember the Filipino saying “kapag may tiyaga may nilaga” in English saying “Patience is a virtue”.. same point anyway haha
- know how to love
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, read, understand, follow and apply what is love in the Bible
- learn how to love
- selfishness cannot give love
- pride will get you nowhere
- face consequences, we are subject to it
- blaming is never a thing, don’t blame anyone with your words and actions, its yours not theirs, grow up
- think a lot
- know when to listen
- know when to understand
- be without conditions
- revenge has to have no room, so forgive as much as you do
- it is like math.. full of proving (boys)
- check, analyze, take time and study (girls)
- grow, learn and mature
- know how, when to wait
- never settle for anything less, GOD wants the best for her daughter (girls)
- ask for wisdom, GOD give it to those who listen
- Be ready: prepare to be ready, make sure your ready, and to be ready is to know all of these, because if you are ready, GOD will give you what HE have for you, else it will be wasted
while writing this, got one person on my mind...
if someone feels rejected, maybe he really is not, maybe he just ain't ready.. thats why he commit small mistakes that made him feel rejected.. ^_^
i am still.. still waiting.. waiting.. waiting for this person.. ^_^
GOD provided me wisdom.. and i put all my trust in HIM ^_^
- Know, love, trust and fear GOD
- pray, pray more, pray a lot, pray hard on your knees
- Look around
- beauty fades, character won’t, so don’t go for beauty, you won’t be happy
- learn to see one’s heart
- know who you are
- know your heart
- be stable in decision making
- know that love is given without expectations
- know how to court (girls and boys)
- don’t go to where you see chance, you create them
- get over your past (no excess baggage), let go of fear, let go of doubt and worry (easy say things, hard to do)
- take risk, there’s no insurance for love, but assurance is a no challenge thing
- clear your intention (boys)
- know how to entertain (girls)
- know the right words
- be ready with competence, be confident, don’t lose heart (boys)
- know who to give chance (girls)
- know how and when to ask
- show faithfulness, don’t flirt (boys and girls)
- guard you heart & eyes, man may not see, but GOD can see
- if it’s GOD’s will, it will, never doubt, one will know if HE is at work, GOD’s will is never easy to understand, and definitely hard to follow, but it will always be worth it and fulfilling in the end
- give time and effort, love is giving not investing, while be willing to spend is part, but not a requirement
- action and words, speak and work together
- remember the Filipino saying “kapag may tiyaga may nilaga” in English saying “Patience is a virtue”.. same point anyway haha
- know how to love
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, read, understand, follow and apply what is love in the Bible
- learn how to love
- selfishness cannot give love
- pride will get you nowhere
- face consequences, we are subject to it
- blaming is never a thing, don’t blame anyone with your words and actions, its yours not theirs, grow up
- think a lot
- know when to listen
- know when to understand
- be without conditions
- revenge has to have no room, so forgive as much as you do
- it is like math.. full of proving (boys)
- check, analyze, take time and study (girls)
- grow, learn and mature
- know how, when to wait
- never settle for anything less, GOD wants the best for her daughter (girls)
- ask for wisdom, GOD give it to those who listen
- Be ready: prepare to be ready, make sure your ready, and to be ready is to know all of these, because if you are ready, GOD will give you what HE have for you, else it will be wasted
while writing this, got one person on my mind...
if someone feels rejected, maybe he really is not, maybe he just ain't ready.. thats why he commit small mistakes that made him feel rejected.. ^_^
i am still.. still waiting.. waiting.. waiting for this person.. ^_^
GOD provided me wisdom.. and i put all my trust in HIM ^_^
Thursday, July 1, 2010
trusting GOD.. folowing HIS will.. and just have FAITH
GOD is truly mysterious hehehe sometimes HE will make you do things and put you in situations you won't understand...provide you wisdom you dont know where it came from....its really hard to follow HIS will...i did wrestle too,i question what HE is asking me to do..once I asked HIM to stop everything, and change HIS will to me because everything is so complicated and im having a hard time and having a hard feelings...i cried in pain, HE is merciful ah, in an instant HE did.. then HE gave me this cold treatment..."kills me" then what happen next I suffer, when I realize that I really have to follow HIS will, i ask forgiveness and promise that whetever it takes I will follow, He still provide and blessed me in that situation.. and continually HE is still so faithful to me..if sometimes Im in hardship of HIS will.. I would tell HIM that right now I don't understand and Im truly having a hard time, GOD knows one's heart,so HE knew if I am lying or just acting..I would ask HIM that I need some answer then amazingly HE will give..if sometimes i doubt & worry because it really do happen,HE would like whisper and slap this words on my face.. "have I not proven enough,I said wait & trust ME" yes ofcourse what a hard headed individual I can be to GOD, HE just worked and I know, yet I still doubt and worry...so shame on me right?!!! haha ^_^ but come to think of it.. my relationship with GOD is geniune... not all are given this chance to be this close to HIM.. and i think not everyone had the chance to really follow on HIS will.. its amazing how GOD did it.. it amazing how gracious HE can be to me for me to hear HIM, know HIM, understand HIM and follow HIM... you know the bottom line for this relationship is FAITH.. ^_^ Oh well, its a nice nice feeling ... love it.. ^_^
Friday, March 5, 2010
The next time I will love
The next time I will love, I will love someone na pinili ni GOD for me, someone inutos ni GOD na mahalin ko. And whoever he is.. I will accept him for who he is…and if he is really my GOD’s will I know he will accept me for whom iam…
The next time I will love, I will love someone na pinili ni GOD for me, someone inutos ni GOD na mahalin ko. Paano ko malalaman? Maybe.. I have to open my eyes, ears, mind and heart to hear, see, understand and know… ^^, sometimes baka sila pa yung tao we least expect.. baka sila yung opposite natin? Maybe isang way to know is… with this person along the way malalaman natin na madami si GOD gusto ituro satin….malay mo yun will ni GOD sakin nakita ko na siya… but siya hindi pa niya alam na siya yung will ni GOD for me , or maybe alam na din niya hindi ko lang alam na alam na niya hehehe ^^,
The next time I will love, I will love someone na pinili ni GOD for me, someone inutos ni GOD na mahalin ko. Paano ko malalaman? Maybe.. I have to open my eyes, ears, mind and heart to hear, see, understand and know… ^^, sometimes baka sila pa yung tao we least expect.. baka sila yung opposite natin? Maybe isang way to know is… with this person along the way malalaman natin na madami si GOD gusto ituro satin….malay mo yun will ni GOD sakin nakita ko na siya… but siya hindi pa niya alam na siya yung will ni GOD for me , or maybe alam na din niya hindi ko lang alam na alam na niya hehehe ^^,
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Psalm 31
Psalm 31
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave.
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
19 How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.
21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.
--> amen to this ^_^
Have u ever felt the feeling when you’re reading the Bible (e.g. Psalm 31) that you feel like floating, so full of joy and peace and suddenly for no reason you’re trembling shaking crying and tears flowing? because you felt that you don’t deserve these, but GOD just rewarded you a moment of this and lets you feel the feeling because you trust HIM so much that you put you’re hope in HIM…even the future is unseen… ^_^ and you don’t know how thank HIM for how amazing HE is… ^_^
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.
9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
I am a dread to my friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear the slander of many;
there is terror on every side;
they conspire against me
and plot to take my life.
14 But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave.
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.
19 How great is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you,
which you bestow in the sight of men
on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from the intrigues of men;
in your dwelling you keep them safe
from accusing tongues.
21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.
22 In my alarm I said,
"I am cut off from your sight!"
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.
--> amen to this ^_^
Have u ever felt the feeling when you’re reading the Bible (e.g. Psalm 31) that you feel like floating, so full of joy and peace and suddenly for no reason you’re trembling shaking crying and tears flowing? because you felt that you don’t deserve these, but GOD just rewarded you a moment of this and lets you feel the feeling because you trust HIM so much that you put you’re hope in HIM…even the future is unseen… ^_^ and you don’t know how thank HIM for how amazing HE is… ^_^
Monday, January 18, 2010
What to do until LOVE finds you – Michelle Mckinley Hammond poem # 3
I have watched
and waited
for my knight
to come riding over the hill
of my desires…
watching…
waiting…
to see him
dressed in white
upon a horse
big and strong
as his shoulders
where I will lay my head
as he carries me away
to the promised land
of dreams come true
and joy eternal…
watching…
waiting
peering from the window
of my fortress
my rock
my strong tower
with my heart in GOD’s hands
left there for safe keeping
I peek expectantly
Over my Father’s shoulder
Every now and then
Settling my back into the warmth of HIS lap
I watch…
I wait…
Trusting that my expectation
Will arrive
Beautifully
Resplendent
Covered in the dew
That falls from heaven
Being all that I hoped for
Better than I dreamed
Loving me
The way I want to be loved
Freely
Unconditionally
Adoring me
As if I were
The best thing since sliced bread…
You know
That when-a-man-loves-a-woman
How-Christ-loves-the-church kinda love
Too high
Too deep
For me to truly comprehend
But it sures sounds good to me…
So I watch
And I wait
Sometimes feeling like Rapunzel
Sometimes feeling like Sleeping Beauty…
Waiting…
Waiting
Sometimes conscious
Sometimes not
Hope keeping the light shining
Like a beacon in my eyes
Beckoning my knight
Should he lose his way
But for now
I lay content in the arms of my Saviour
Letting HIM rock me
And love me
Like no other lover can…
And I learn of love
Of life
And giving…
And I wait…
Cleared-eyed
With no misguided expectations
No desperate desires
No distorted views
Binding me
Marring my judgement
I am free
To say yes
To say no
According to the King’s leading
In spite of my flesh
Or my heart
Only a GOD-appointed knight
Will I receive
No matter how long the wait
I will wait…
I will wait for HIM…
I will wait for him
Who is willed by HIM…
and waited
for my knight
to come riding over the hill
of my desires…
watching…
waiting…
to see him
dressed in white
upon a horse
big and strong
as his shoulders
where I will lay my head
as he carries me away
to the promised land
of dreams come true
and joy eternal…
watching…
waiting
peering from the window
of my fortress
my rock
my strong tower
with my heart in GOD’s hands
left there for safe keeping
I peek expectantly
Over my Father’s shoulder
Every now and then
Settling my back into the warmth of HIS lap
I watch…
I wait…
Trusting that my expectation
Will arrive
Beautifully
Resplendent
Covered in the dew
That falls from heaven
Being all that I hoped for
Better than I dreamed
Loving me
The way I want to be loved
Freely
Unconditionally
Adoring me
As if I were
The best thing since sliced bread…
You know
That when-a-man-loves-a-woman
How-Christ-loves-the-church kinda love
Too high
Too deep
For me to truly comprehend
But it sures sounds good to me…
So I watch
And I wait
Sometimes feeling like Rapunzel
Sometimes feeling like Sleeping Beauty…
Waiting…
Waiting
Sometimes conscious
Sometimes not
Hope keeping the light shining
Like a beacon in my eyes
Beckoning my knight
Should he lose his way
But for now
I lay content in the arms of my Saviour
Letting HIM rock me
And love me
Like no other lover can…
And I learn of love
Of life
And giving…
And I wait…
Cleared-eyed
With no misguided expectations
No desperate desires
No distorted views
Binding me
Marring my judgement
I am free
To say yes
To say no
According to the King’s leading
In spite of my flesh
Or my heart
Only a GOD-appointed knight
Will I receive
No matter how long the wait
I will wait…
I will wait for HIM…
I will wait for him
Who is willed by HIM…
What to do until LOVE finds you – Michelle Mckinley Hammond poem # 2
I am free
Free to love as never before
Throwing open
Windows and doors
Rejoicing in my wholeness
I see clearly
As I run with purpose
Choosing the right road
No longer stumbling
Over my own neediness
I move
Even paced
Head high
Shoulders back
Heart firmly in place
Making choices with my head
Ignoring the demands of the flesh
I stretch my spirit
And respond to GOD’s voice
Running eagerly
Toward HIS instruction
Caught up in HIS potent promises
I am bound to HIM
A willing love slave
Yet freer than I’ve even been
Finding the lost pieces of myself
I foolishly gave to others
Casting pearls before the swine
Once weeping
Over the trampled pieces of my heart
I am now restored to give again
To one more deserving
I discover I am
Lost in Him
Only to be found in the truth
Stronger than ever
Ready to love better
Because now I have more to give
And I will give
Carefully
Abundantly
And only at His leading
And in that understanding
I rest
I fly
I am free!
Free to love as never before
Throwing open
Windows and doors
Rejoicing in my wholeness
I see clearly
As I run with purpose
Choosing the right road
No longer stumbling
Over my own neediness
I move
Even paced
Head high
Shoulders back
Heart firmly in place
Making choices with my head
Ignoring the demands of the flesh
I stretch my spirit
And respond to GOD’s voice
Running eagerly
Toward HIS instruction
Caught up in HIS potent promises
I am bound to HIM
A willing love slave
Yet freer than I’ve even been
Finding the lost pieces of myself
I foolishly gave to others
Casting pearls before the swine
Once weeping
Over the trampled pieces of my heart
I am now restored to give again
To one more deserving
I discover I am
Lost in Him
Only to be found in the truth
Stronger than ever
Ready to love better
Because now I have more to give
And I will give
Carefully
Abundantly
And only at His leading
And in that understanding
I rest
I fly
I am free!
What to do until LOVE finds you – Michelle Mckinley Hammond poem # 1
I want a man
Not just any man
I want GOD’s man
Hand picked
Kingdom appointed
For such a woman as this
I’m looking for a love
Not just any love
I want the GOD kind of love
Filing a heart that beats
To the kingdom’s rhythm
Unadulterated
Holy Ghost saturated
The kinda love that
Can’t be rated
Poured out
Runnin’ ovah
Like water in a glass
Already full of good things
Smooth as a silk
Yet tough as rope
Wrapping around my soul
Keepin’ it all together
Forever
With room enough for me
To be
A woman
Not just any woman
GOD’s woman
Whole and free
To love you
The way I want you to love me
With a love
Not just any love
But the GOD kind of love
Rich as a sinful dessert
Pure as tried gold
The kind of love that can hold
Onto your hand
And GOD’s at the very same time
Delivered from all other ties that bind
And yes
I’m free enough to wait…
For a man
Not just any man
But the man
Who understands
And knows what love means
And lives what GOD says…
And wants what I want
A real love
A strong love
A tall love
Agape love.
GOD’s love.
Not just any man
I want GOD’s man
Hand picked
Kingdom appointed
For such a woman as this
I’m looking for a love
Not just any love
I want the GOD kind of love
Filing a heart that beats
To the kingdom’s rhythm
Unadulterated
Holy Ghost saturated
The kinda love that
Can’t be rated
Poured out
Runnin’ ovah
Like water in a glass
Already full of good things
Smooth as a silk
Yet tough as rope
Wrapping around my soul
Keepin’ it all together
Forever
With room enough for me
To be
A woman
Not just any woman
GOD’s woman
Whole and free
To love you
The way I want you to love me
With a love
Not just any love
But the GOD kind of love
Rich as a sinful dessert
Pure as tried gold
The kind of love that can hold
Onto your hand
And GOD’s at the very same time
Delivered from all other ties that bind
And yes
I’m free enough to wait…
For a man
Not just any man
But the man
Who understands
And knows what love means
And lives what GOD says…
And wants what I want
A real love
A strong love
A tall love
Agape love.
GOD’s love.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Team Baguio Mission
Our team Baguio story, what an eye-opener and life experience..
We leave UECM December 20, 2009 around 11am then we arrived Baguio around 5pm, the group then packed the gifts for the kids and we contacted UECM workers to had our sack of donated jogging pants be delivered to us in Baguio soon haha
We then had our dinner with Pastor Demi Mier together with his wife.
Then the team had our 1st devotion with Dra. Jean. In their room, I notice a lot of food. ^_^
Mission day Day1: (Monday)
We wake up early on the 1st day of our trip, we have schedule in Ambiong, where we need to climb a mountain for 10-15 minutes to reach the day care center, where we will going to do our program with the muslim kids.. the road beside the hill is not so good but neither bad, it is about 1.5 to 2meters in width… when we reach the place, we can see that the kids belongs to the poor class… the kids enjoyed our team presentation, they also enjoyed the giveaways and prices, I can say that with these group of kids, the team 1st felt success in Christ name… one of the kids their sang the song “Who I am” by Casting Crowns, he sang it very well, he even memorized the whole song, my heart felt joy, for we can see GOD works with some of the kids there and that is the 1st time I felt how GOD works with the muslin kids.
In the afternoon around 2 to 3pm we went to SM to buy gifts for the sudden notice of exchange gift given to us by Pastor. That we’re going to have the evening in fellowship with some of the missionaries in Baguio and to some active volunteers at SNN. So by 330pm we arrive at SNN, 1st Pastor Demi Mier educate us about Muslim more and taught us how to befriend and evangelize them. We also had a question and answer set up with other volunteers and missionaries regarding Muslim. We spent the afternoon and evening in fellowship with them.
When we got back our base in Baguio ahia Jonathan lead in our devotional group meeting.
Mission day Day 2: (Tuesday)
On our 2nd day with our mission, we went to the Bry Irisan Cypress Village, the travel is not difficult, we don’t have to climb any mountain…there they also have their kinda day care center, but it is kinda small for the group so we had the lower garden to perform and to accommodate all the kids. Same class of kids, we again had our programs, giving of gifts which again the kids and parents enjoyed. In each and every programs and activity we had for them, we assure that we made them feel the spirit of Christmas and explain/share why/who do we celebrate it, for GOD’s glory.
In the afternoon the most unforgettable moment and learning I/we had, is our time/fellowship spent with Imam, or the Muslim priest at their Mosque. The group learned a lot about Muslim, if before we had this negative connotation about them, now I personally don’t, and I think same with my team mates. Instead I feel pity for them because they are near to the truth but the enemy have twisted the truth in them, like Imam, he knows the Bible very well, yet the Holy Spirit is not working in HIM, my heart is also feel wounded when he didn’t acknowledge Jesus Christ as saviour, I even ask him who would save you? He is really good in answering and twisting words. I can say that a person with a weak spiritual life and who are not very familiar with the words in the Bible would be converted to Islam hehe ^_^ the experience inside the Mosque, being with these Muslim is a treasure. If there is one thing I realize and learned about Muslim and then applied it in my life is their reason for fasting, well I don’t really agree with fasting per say, I didn’t also says that I am into their faith, because me personally I don’t believe with Mohammad, I asked Imam about fasting, then He explained it, I’ll just summarized it to this: It is their way to know how to control themselves in all the temptation of this world, including food, sexual practices and etc.. It’s for them to be holy. Then my glutton sin came to my senses. Which is I also know a long time ago, how I love eating and I always over eat myself. Also a realization that I am not glorifying GOD with my act, because sometimes when I am in my moment enjoying my eating, I am forgetting that it is from my Creator, I just get to indulge with it and enjoy its deliciousness and the satisfaction it is giving me. I fell so guilty I prayed and asked for forgiveness, and thank GOD. Since that day I kinda loose my big appetite and gluttony attitude. And I will continue to pray for it that in everything I do, eat or drink, it should be in the glory of GOD. (1Cor 10:31)
In the evening we had this prayer walk, where we will walk along Baguio, name the place, hehe well we divided ourselves into 3 groups and try to socialize with the Muslim we will meet along the way. So our group had the chance to talk with a Muslim silver jewelry vendor, I myself bought a cross earing as bridge of conversation. We ask questions and there is this one conversation that until now runs my mind. I said to the vendor, buti even Muslim kayo nag bebenta kayo ng cross… she answered me, binebenta lang yan..hindi sinasamba… so the thought came to me that this person mind is closed… she have her faith and I just prayed for her that someday she will come to know the truth.
Then we again got back in our base, there ahia Elliott shared something about worry in our devotion group.
Mission day Day 3: (Wednesday)
This 3rd day was the most tiring day of all, we again proceeded with our mission, in the morning we went to Crystal Cave outreach, same thing happen, we perform, gift giving and made them feel Christmas and its meaning, but here they have prepared a special performance for us, they also sang Christmas hymms and Christian song for us, which lightens our hearts. This group is supported by DECS, and here my heart was really touched, because I can really see how the teachers touched their students heart, they don’t just teach, they love and care, they are really after for the kids/teens welfare and studies. How I love this group. And here I keep on thanking GOD, thanking HIM over and over of how amazing HE is. HE is the best indeed. These group of kids even gave us creative cards, that we hope to show and share to UECM people if given the chance. They just gave me the color that really fits me pink and red with floral attached to it hehe how I love it. ^_^
In the afternoon we went to Pastor Demi Mier church in Bibak Bible Church, still in the process of construction, not yet fully-constructed, there we we’re able to interact with lots of little kids. Same activities happened. This is our last schedule so we consumed all the prices with the kids. I am surprise how Pastor did the clothes giving, he made a bazaar for the kids, all the clothes are aligned on the floor then the kids also are lined up. They will fit the clothes they choose/like and when it fits, it’s theirs hehe ^_^ ow how cute the scene hehe Here I felt a feeling of great thankfulness to our GOD, how HE works with Pastor Mier and his family. Hope we include them and their missions in our prayers so that they may continue to bring glory to GOD, and may they able to save more Muslim lives that are born with twisted faith.
We still got an hour to relax, some of us went to the market and buy some goodies, and some went to Burnham Park. After, we had our dinner with Pastor Demi Mier and his family together with achi Grace Co (Dra. Jean cousin), who also helped us/assist us with our stay in Baguio.
When we got back in our base, Mars did the sharing through prayer.
Departure day:
We left PBTS around 8am, we got 2 hours to travel around Baguio before our departure time, so we consume it with this time breakdown 30-40 minutes travel to Camp John Hay, 30-40 minutes stay there, we then went to Manor Hotel stayed there for 30-40minutes. After we are on the way home to Manila, then arrive Manila around 430pm safe and sound, with glad hearts and the take home experience. With full of Joy and thanksgiving for our GOD the Father, who made all things possible.
We leave UECM December 20, 2009 around 11am then we arrived Baguio around 5pm, the group then packed the gifts for the kids and we contacted UECM workers to had our sack of donated jogging pants be delivered to us in Baguio soon haha
We then had our dinner with Pastor Demi Mier together with his wife.
Then the team had our 1st devotion with Dra. Jean. In their room, I notice a lot of food. ^_^
Mission day Day1: (Monday)
We wake up early on the 1st day of our trip, we have schedule in Ambiong, where we need to climb a mountain for 10-15 minutes to reach the day care center, where we will going to do our program with the muslim kids.. the road beside the hill is not so good but neither bad, it is about 1.5 to 2meters in width… when we reach the place, we can see that the kids belongs to the poor class… the kids enjoyed our team presentation, they also enjoyed the giveaways and prices, I can say that with these group of kids, the team 1st felt success in Christ name… one of the kids their sang the song “Who I am” by Casting Crowns, he sang it very well, he even memorized the whole song, my heart felt joy, for we can see GOD works with some of the kids there and that is the 1st time I felt how GOD works with the muslin kids.
In the afternoon around 2 to 3pm we went to SM to buy gifts for the sudden notice of exchange gift given to us by Pastor. That we’re going to have the evening in fellowship with some of the missionaries in Baguio and to some active volunteers at SNN. So by 330pm we arrive at SNN, 1st Pastor Demi Mier educate us about Muslim more and taught us how to befriend and evangelize them. We also had a question and answer set up with other volunteers and missionaries regarding Muslim. We spent the afternoon and evening in fellowship with them.
When we got back our base in Baguio ahia Jonathan lead in our devotional group meeting.
Mission day Day 2: (Tuesday)
On our 2nd day with our mission, we went to the Bry Irisan Cypress Village, the travel is not difficult, we don’t have to climb any mountain…there they also have their kinda day care center, but it is kinda small for the group so we had the lower garden to perform and to accommodate all the kids. Same class of kids, we again had our programs, giving of gifts which again the kids and parents enjoyed. In each and every programs and activity we had for them, we assure that we made them feel the spirit of Christmas and explain/share why/who do we celebrate it, for GOD’s glory.
In the afternoon the most unforgettable moment and learning I/we had, is our time/fellowship spent with Imam, or the Muslim priest at their Mosque. The group learned a lot about Muslim, if before we had this negative connotation about them, now I personally don’t, and I think same with my team mates. Instead I feel pity for them because they are near to the truth but the enemy have twisted the truth in them, like Imam, he knows the Bible very well, yet the Holy Spirit is not working in HIM, my heart is also feel wounded when he didn’t acknowledge Jesus Christ as saviour, I even ask him who would save you? He is really good in answering and twisting words. I can say that a person with a weak spiritual life and who are not very familiar with the words in the Bible would be converted to Islam hehe ^_^ the experience inside the Mosque, being with these Muslim is a treasure. If there is one thing I realize and learned about Muslim and then applied it in my life is their reason for fasting, well I don’t really agree with fasting per say, I didn’t also says that I am into their faith, because me personally I don’t believe with Mohammad, I asked Imam about fasting, then He explained it, I’ll just summarized it to this: It is their way to know how to control themselves in all the temptation of this world, including food, sexual practices and etc.. It’s for them to be holy. Then my glutton sin came to my senses. Which is I also know a long time ago, how I love eating and I always over eat myself. Also a realization that I am not glorifying GOD with my act, because sometimes when I am in my moment enjoying my eating, I am forgetting that it is from my Creator, I just get to indulge with it and enjoy its deliciousness and the satisfaction it is giving me. I fell so guilty I prayed and asked for forgiveness, and thank GOD. Since that day I kinda loose my big appetite and gluttony attitude. And I will continue to pray for it that in everything I do, eat or drink, it should be in the glory of GOD. (1Cor 10:31)
In the evening we had this prayer walk, where we will walk along Baguio, name the place, hehe well we divided ourselves into 3 groups and try to socialize with the Muslim we will meet along the way. So our group had the chance to talk with a Muslim silver jewelry vendor, I myself bought a cross earing as bridge of conversation. We ask questions and there is this one conversation that until now runs my mind. I said to the vendor, buti even Muslim kayo nag bebenta kayo ng cross… she answered me, binebenta lang yan..hindi sinasamba… so the thought came to me that this person mind is closed… she have her faith and I just prayed for her that someday she will come to know the truth.
Then we again got back in our base, there ahia Elliott shared something about worry in our devotion group.
Mission day Day 3: (Wednesday)
This 3rd day was the most tiring day of all, we again proceeded with our mission, in the morning we went to Crystal Cave outreach, same thing happen, we perform, gift giving and made them feel Christmas and its meaning, but here they have prepared a special performance for us, they also sang Christmas hymms and Christian song for us, which lightens our hearts. This group is supported by DECS, and here my heart was really touched, because I can really see how the teachers touched their students heart, they don’t just teach, they love and care, they are really after for the kids/teens welfare and studies. How I love this group. And here I keep on thanking GOD, thanking HIM over and over of how amazing HE is. HE is the best indeed. These group of kids even gave us creative cards, that we hope to show and share to UECM people if given the chance. They just gave me the color that really fits me pink and red with floral attached to it hehe how I love it. ^_^
In the afternoon we went to Pastor Demi Mier church in Bibak Bible Church, still in the process of construction, not yet fully-constructed, there we we’re able to interact with lots of little kids. Same activities happened. This is our last schedule so we consumed all the prices with the kids. I am surprise how Pastor did the clothes giving, he made a bazaar for the kids, all the clothes are aligned on the floor then the kids also are lined up. They will fit the clothes they choose/like and when it fits, it’s theirs hehe ^_^ ow how cute the scene hehe Here I felt a feeling of great thankfulness to our GOD, how HE works with Pastor Mier and his family. Hope we include them and their missions in our prayers so that they may continue to bring glory to GOD, and may they able to save more Muslim lives that are born with twisted faith.
We still got an hour to relax, some of us went to the market and buy some goodies, and some went to Burnham Park. After, we had our dinner with Pastor Demi Mier and his family together with achi Grace Co (Dra. Jean cousin), who also helped us/assist us with our stay in Baguio.
When we got back in our base, Mars did the sharing through prayer.
Departure day:
We left PBTS around 8am, we got 2 hours to travel around Baguio before our departure time, so we consume it with this time breakdown 30-40 minutes travel to Camp John Hay, 30-40 minutes stay there, we then went to Manor Hotel stayed there for 30-40minutes. After we are on the way home to Manila, then arrive Manila around 430pm safe and sound, with glad hearts and the take home experience. With full of Joy and thanksgiving for our GOD the Father, who made all things possible.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
for 2 weeks, ive been thinking of this... what if GOD is infront of me..what will I do??
hmmm... as in totoo si GOD sa harap ko ah physically or spriritually pag sa Heaven ko siya nakita... I think i won't look at HIM straight in the eyes... hindi ko kaya.. Im such a great sinner, HE knows me very well...wala me "K" to look at HIM..Iam not worthy...shame on me...who am I to see GOD's face..unless HE permits me too... ^_^ Iam only MJ Lee..no power, no authority, Iam not the creator of any..Iam just a creation...^_^I will bow down..super down.. as in if pwede i-flat sarili ko sa ground.. I will...because Im such a slave,Iam only HIS servant... If ever HE will stepped on me.. its okey.. for Iam nothing without HIM...so totally I will humble down myself...I will cry..mahihiya ako kay GOD... because I will feel so guilty... of so many many things... cry for forgiveness...HE knows all my sin, my life diba? as in... I will also cry to begged.. and cry to plead...para ma-forgive niya...I will serve HIM to the highest degree with all my heart and joy... as in... HE is my BIG BOSS.. the ONE and only...I will kiss HIS feet..It'll be an honor if I can do that...I will do all the things HE wants me to do.....
i think i cant face GOD if Iam not saved hehehe since Iam so I can... heheheand remember we are HIS children, we are not angels... ^_^
i don't want to boast about anything.. because all i want is to totally humble myself infront of GOD... here.. and there ^_^
my Faith for GOD is more of LOVE... HIS love for me and my love for HIM.. how I love to serve HIM ang everything for HIM, and humble myself for HIM... my faith is not because of rewards.. for me these rewards are bonus.. bonus.. bonus... thanks ^_^
~ December 01, 2009
i think i cant face GOD if Iam not saved hehehe since Iam so I can... heheheand remember we are HIS children, we are not angels... ^_^
i don't want to boast about anything.. because all i want is to totally humble myself infront of GOD... here.. and there ^_^
my Faith for GOD is more of LOVE... HIS love for me and my love for HIM.. how I love to serve HIM ang everything for HIM, and humble myself for HIM... my faith is not because of rewards.. for me these rewards are bonus.. bonus.. bonus... thanks ^_^
~ December 01, 2009
GOD is such a great GOD indeed.. I couldn't as for more ^_^
James 4;7-10 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. ^_^
this verse is so apply to me.... yesterday, last night tears went down my eyes, my heart is full of worry and fears, I seek the LORD, and HE seems mad at me because I failed to trust HIM on these thing, when I have always put all things/my life in HIS hand.. these thing is my struggle for a long time, but you know what? even if GOD is mad at me ... and didnt talked to me that long, because HE is offended by me, HE took the worry and fears away, and gave me peace, a peaceful heart, He gave me rest, then after HE gave me an earthly friend... ^_^ HE is so amazing and great indeed, my heart is overjoyed... ^_^ Praise the LORD... HE is loving indeed ^_^ I couldn't as for more ^_^
this verse is so apply to me.... yesterday, last night tears went down my eyes, my heart is full of worry and fears, I seek the LORD, and HE seems mad at me because I failed to trust HIM on these thing, when I have always put all things/my life in HIS hand.. these thing is my struggle for a long time, but you know what? even if GOD is mad at me ... and didnt talked to me that long, because HE is offended by me, HE took the worry and fears away, and gave me peace, a peaceful heart, He gave me rest, then after HE gave me an earthly friend... ^_^ HE is so amazing and great indeed, my heart is overjoyed... ^_^ Praise the LORD... HE is loving indeed ^_^ I couldn't as for more ^_^
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
for 2 weeks, ive been thinking of this... what if GOD is infront of me..what will I do??
hmmm... as in totoo si GOD sa harap ko ah physically or spriritually pag sa Heaven ko siya nakita... I think I won't look at HIM straight in the eyes... hindi ko kaya.. Im such a great sinner, HE knows me very well...wala me "K" to look at HIM..Iam not worthy...shame on me...who am I to see GOD's face..unless HE permits me too... ^_^ Iam only MJ Lee..no power, no authority, Iam not the creator of any..Iam just a creation...^_^I will bow down..super down.. as in if pwede i-flat sarili ko sa ground.. I will...because Im such a slave,Iam only HIS servant... If ever HE will stepped on me.. its okey.. for Iam nothing without HIM...so totally I will humble down myself...I will cry..mahihiya ako kay GOD... because I will feel so guilty... of so many many things... cry for forgiveness...HE knows all my sin, my life diba? as in... I will also cry to begged.. and cry to plead...para ma-forgive niya...I will serve HIM to the highest degree with all my heart and joy... as in... HE is my BIG BOSS.. the ONE and only...I will kiss HIS feet..It'll be an honor if I can do that...I will do all the things HE wants me to do...... my life? I don't need my life... all I need is HIM...Im sure there are lots of amazing things not a human mind can imagine... with GOD, about GOD and in Heaven...wala lang napa isip lang ako...may nalimot pa ba ako?? hmmmm ^_^ kaw naisip mo na din ba??
Sunday, November 29, 2009
In my dream he attacks again, he wants mom, but I know he just wants to shaken my Faith
I dreamt this between 2am to 359am....
I was in a very big house, It was old, and have lots of rooms inside…
There is this one room that seems to be special that I never tried to enter…
In my dreams mama seems to always talk with someone I can’t see, and she always insist na andun daw… she always says “sabi niya (ganun ganyan).. kaya kelangan ko….” So in my dreams I was confused who she talks too… there, Im trying to understand her…more and more…
A group of young people went to our house… they are friends of my shobe daw… they point to the mysterious room, they said there’s something evil inside…they want to explore it but they didn’t went inside… (just a typical teenager’s kakulitan)
After I went to a certain room.. there some teenagers,they are having a Bible study, so I find them doing a good thing so I didn’t bother to disturb them….
In my dream it was every night that my mom used to go out daw.. went somewhere and end up to that room inside the big old house.. kinda magulo but ganun…after she would always request everyone or anyone to just simply leave her there so inshort mag papa hatid lang siya, she was inlove with the guy inside the room that she usually talks to..she follows all his words… all…(she was possessed in a way)
I requested mama to introduce to me who is tha , but she said that he doesn’t want… so I insisted, but nothing happen
Mama in my dream would usually enter the room and ask grand ma (na usually nag hahatid daw sakanya sa room na yun) to leave her… and after the next day she would simply go back home or you will just see her lying asleep in the sala, knowing nothing, empty minded from what happen the last night, and in my dream it repeatedly happening everyday…
One time, I walked mama to the room, as I said it’s a long way to there, we even need to go out of the house to arrive to the room, but the room was just inside the house where we stay and that is also the house that we use to leave (basta dun din kami umaalis )… ako nag hatid kay mama kase I got curious sana nangyayari sakanya daw and start to mag duda…kase my mom is always empty minded…
There napatunayan ko it is the devils work… he wants mom… I never get the chance to enter the room.. also I don’t want… and he don't allow me to enter...
After, in my dream I start to think of how would I, could I save mama, and stop these things… I start thinking whether to say this to Boksu Reyes or not… then, I interviewed my grand ma about my mom.. along the way I saw Boksu, so I went to him and start to tell him everything… he believed me after proving it with himself…
I can’t remember all.. but all I can remember now is that Boksu asked me to pray… pray and pray…
Also in my dream I told Boksu that GOD answered my prayer very fast kase I was just thinking of telling him when I saw him, just in time…I said..
Then one night, again, my mom is again on her way to that room, I grabbed her and hugged her, and told the one inside that room that he can never have my mom.. I make bitbit my mom… (you know sa dream anything is possible hahaha)
The guy voice… in my dreams he sounded as someone familiar, naririnig ko siya but I never really got to understand what he says… recalling it now ah… he seems to be always talking lang…
Anyway, syempre he got mad, he have this powerful voice daw, he controls my mom daw, when you see my mom’s eyes turn green/ blue, that I can’t sure, she is being controlled daw… but my mom can’t do nothing because Iam grabbing her, there is Boksu too..walking with me while bitbit ko si mama, we we’re four actually kasama din namin si grand ma…
Then there is this force na humihila kay mama.. si grand ma she was also possessed, her eyes turns green / blue bay un… also Boksu is possessed…they are possessed to get my mom from me and returned it to him…so that time I went to a room na may table I hugged my mom… and prayed..and remembered how Boksu taught me to pray in situation like this..I prayed like this…
GOD, the Father of Abraham, the creator of Adam and Eve, the Father of Moses… the Father of Noah… I ask for YOU’re help, I love YOU GOD, and I love my mother and ayaw ko siya ibigay sakanya… pls save me and my mom…
Then nawala daw yung evil force na humihila kay mama from me… bigla daw dumating si Boksu and my grand ma.. they are normal again.. then I tell Boksu what happened and what I did and said in prayers and praise GOD… kase diba he is not aware na kase he was also possessed….
Then after I can feel the evil force is so angry and coming towards us, towards me.. in my dreams... I can feel he is becoming near.. by the force and the voice… so I hurriedly ask Boksu what to do.. kase we are aware na human lang din si Boksu and can be possessed again for I don’t know reason and why ako, Iam not possessed??
So that time, me and Boksu prayed together while I was standing na hugging my mom… I prayed like this…
GOD, the Father of Abraham, the creator of Adam and Eve, the Father of Moses… the Father of Noah… I ask for YOU’re help, I love YOU GOD, and I love my mother.. please help me.. You do not forsake… Iam YOU’re child.. and so as my mom…she is YOU’re child too…
Then there is silent… that time my eyes are close and and Iam not hearing Boksu voice na.. so in my dreams I thought that he might also again possessed… I was standing relying on GOD while hugging my mom…where I felt he is near.. so near… 1meter away from me.. then after closer.. then he whisper me something… which I can’t remember… In my dreams I planned to open my eyes.. in my heart I prayed to GOD to prepare what sight I will see when I open my eyes… so Im praying to ready myself not to be frightened to see satan face to face…not to feel fear seeing him because I have GOD in me…
When I open my eyes…
Then gsing na ako..reality na… upon waking up, It feels and seems so real, so real, na yung time that he whisper to me.. parang sa actual niya ginawa yun sa dream.. gets? well…after I thank GOD for not forsaking me again and again im my dreams, that HE is so powerful and loving to protect me even in my dreams, whenevver I call HIS name…
.. Satan always enters my dreams.... dun lang niya ako kaya attack...
I was in a very big house, It was old, and have lots of rooms inside…
There is this one room that seems to be special that I never tried to enter…
In my dreams mama seems to always talk with someone I can’t see, and she always insist na andun daw… she always says “sabi niya (ganun ganyan).. kaya kelangan ko….” So in my dreams I was confused who she talks too… there, Im trying to understand her…more and more…
A group of young people went to our house… they are friends of my shobe daw… they point to the mysterious room, they said there’s something evil inside…they want to explore it but they didn’t went inside… (just a typical teenager’s kakulitan)
After I went to a certain room.. there some teenagers,they are having a Bible study, so I find them doing a good thing so I didn’t bother to disturb them….
In my dream it was every night that my mom used to go out daw.. went somewhere and end up to that room inside the big old house.. kinda magulo but ganun…after she would always request everyone or anyone to just simply leave her there so inshort mag papa hatid lang siya, she was inlove with the guy inside the room that she usually talks to..she follows all his words… all…(she was possessed in a way)
I requested mama to introduce to me who is tha , but she said that he doesn’t want… so I insisted, but nothing happen
Mama in my dream would usually enter the room and ask grand ma (na usually nag hahatid daw sakanya sa room na yun) to leave her… and after the next day she would simply go back home or you will just see her lying asleep in the sala, knowing nothing, empty minded from what happen the last night, and in my dream it repeatedly happening everyday…
One time, I walked mama to the room, as I said it’s a long way to there, we even need to go out of the house to arrive to the room, but the room was just inside the house where we stay and that is also the house that we use to leave (basta dun din kami umaalis )… ako nag hatid kay mama kase I got curious sana nangyayari sakanya daw and start to mag duda…kase my mom is always empty minded…
There napatunayan ko it is the devils work… he wants mom… I never get the chance to enter the room.. also I don’t want… and he don't allow me to enter...
After, in my dream I start to think of how would I, could I save mama, and stop these things… I start thinking whether to say this to Boksu Reyes or not… then, I interviewed my grand ma about my mom.. along the way I saw Boksu, so I went to him and start to tell him everything… he believed me after proving it with himself…
I can’t remember all.. but all I can remember now is that Boksu asked me to pray… pray and pray…
Also in my dream I told Boksu that GOD answered my prayer very fast kase I was just thinking of telling him when I saw him, just in time…I said..
Then one night, again, my mom is again on her way to that room, I grabbed her and hugged her, and told the one inside that room that he can never have my mom.. I make bitbit my mom… (you know sa dream anything is possible hahaha)
The guy voice… in my dreams he sounded as someone familiar, naririnig ko siya but I never really got to understand what he says… recalling it now ah… he seems to be always talking lang…
Anyway, syempre he got mad, he have this powerful voice daw, he controls my mom daw, when you see my mom’s eyes turn green/ blue, that I can’t sure, she is being controlled daw… but my mom can’t do nothing because Iam grabbing her, there is Boksu too..walking with me while bitbit ko si mama, we we’re four actually kasama din namin si grand ma…
Then there is this force na humihila kay mama.. si grand ma she was also possessed, her eyes turns green / blue bay un… also Boksu is possessed…they are possessed to get my mom from me and returned it to him…so that time I went to a room na may table I hugged my mom… and prayed..and remembered how Boksu taught me to pray in situation like this..I prayed like this…
GOD, the Father of Abraham, the creator of Adam and Eve, the Father of Moses… the Father of Noah… I ask for YOU’re help, I love YOU GOD, and I love my mother and ayaw ko siya ibigay sakanya… pls save me and my mom…
Then nawala daw yung evil force na humihila kay mama from me… bigla daw dumating si Boksu and my grand ma.. they are normal again.. then I tell Boksu what happened and what I did and said in prayers and praise GOD… kase diba he is not aware na kase he was also possessed….
Then after I can feel the evil force is so angry and coming towards us, towards me.. in my dreams... I can feel he is becoming near.. by the force and the voice… so I hurriedly ask Boksu what to do.. kase we are aware na human lang din si Boksu and can be possessed again for I don’t know reason and why ako, Iam not possessed??
So that time, me and Boksu prayed together while I was standing na hugging my mom… I prayed like this…
GOD, the Father of Abraham, the creator of Adam and Eve, the Father of Moses… the Father of Noah… I ask for YOU’re help, I love YOU GOD, and I love my mother.. please help me.. You do not forsake… Iam YOU’re child.. and so as my mom…she is YOU’re child too…
Then there is silent… that time my eyes are close and and Iam not hearing Boksu voice na.. so in my dreams I thought that he might also again possessed… I was standing relying on GOD while hugging my mom…where I felt he is near.. so near… 1meter away from me.. then after closer.. then he whisper me something… which I can’t remember… In my dreams I planned to open my eyes.. in my heart I prayed to GOD to prepare what sight I will see when I open my eyes… so Im praying to ready myself not to be frightened to see satan face to face…not to feel fear seeing him because I have GOD in me…
When I open my eyes…
Then gsing na ako..reality na… upon waking up, It feels and seems so real, so real, na yung time that he whisper to me.. parang sa actual niya ginawa yun sa dream.. gets? well…after I thank GOD for not forsaking me again and again im my dreams, that HE is so powerful and loving to protect me even in my dreams, whenevver I call HIS name…
.. Satan always enters my dreams.... dun lang niya ako kaya attack...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Burden
The feeling is different if you know what’s your burden, what GOD has planned for you. Who you would be, what role you would do in this life to glorify HIM… sometimes it is something you do before, you are before, but we know that nothing is permanent in this World that you happen to change and now you’re not into it, before your reason is for your own, now if you know that it is GOD’s burden for you, if its GOD’s calling, the burden is like a purpose and a duty that GOD called you to do for HIS glory. You’re going to do it not for you’re sake but for other’s, a very unselfish task and service.
This burden seems to be hard, now I understand how difficult it is to know you’re burden, it is totally going to a direction in life that you didn’t planned, but HE did. Before I already got the sense maybe that is my calling but.. I ignore it many times for I don’t want it, but last night upon analyzing, finalizing, realizing that I already know it I wanted to kneel down and cry, cry for help and asked why… because it seems to be hard and impossible, it is a life that I have already turned my back on. It is really hard, even if before I was once on that path. But I remember GOD and HIS Words, that if it is GOD’s will it won’t be that hard at all, He will lead, direct and guide me, and nothing is impossible for I have HIM. And if ever that I’ll have a difficult life because of fulfilling what HE has called me, it is okey, I’ll bear the pain and hardship because if it is for GOD, it is all worth it c”,)
Maybe guys, you are wondering how did I came to know what is GOD’s planned for me, it just happen that my heart cries every time I feel so helpless with the situation, feeling the chorus part in the song of Hosanna, more and more penetrating my senses (Clear my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like you have love me, Break my heart for what breaks yours, Everything Iam is for your kingdoms cause), so helpless that why can’t I do something so that this won’t happen, this and that, and now its clear, that I felt this because HE wants me to do something about this… then I asked how and why, then HE give me the answer… and that is now my calling c”,) I will just pray for HIM (and guys hope you pray for me to…) that may GOD be with me in this task, so that I will be able to do it, in me bestest, for HIS glory. c”,)
I always believe that a powerful warrior needs a battalion of prayers c”,) Do YOU agree??? hehehe
sorry for some, i intentionally didn't specify yung GOD's calling for me... i want it to be between me and GOD.. Iam also a private person hahaha its kinda not obvious lang hehehe
This burden seems to be hard, now I understand how difficult it is to know you’re burden, it is totally going to a direction in life that you didn’t planned, but HE did. Before I already got the sense maybe that is my calling but.. I ignore it many times for I don’t want it, but last night upon analyzing, finalizing, realizing that I already know it I wanted to kneel down and cry, cry for help and asked why… because it seems to be hard and impossible, it is a life that I have already turned my back on. It is really hard, even if before I was once on that path. But I remember GOD and HIS Words, that if it is GOD’s will it won’t be that hard at all, He will lead, direct and guide me, and nothing is impossible for I have HIM. And if ever that I’ll have a difficult life because of fulfilling what HE has called me, it is okey, I’ll bear the pain and hardship because if it is for GOD, it is all worth it c”,)
Maybe guys, you are wondering how did I came to know what is GOD’s planned for me, it just happen that my heart cries every time I feel so helpless with the situation, feeling the chorus part in the song of Hosanna, more and more penetrating my senses (Clear my heart and make it clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like you have love me, Break my heart for what breaks yours, Everything Iam is for your kingdoms cause), so helpless that why can’t I do something so that this won’t happen, this and that, and now its clear, that I felt this because HE wants me to do something about this… then I asked how and why, then HE give me the answer… and that is now my calling c”,) I will just pray for HIM (and guys hope you pray for me to…) that may GOD be with me in this task, so that I will be able to do it, in me bestest, for HIS glory. c”,)
I always believe that a powerful warrior needs a battalion of prayers c”,) Do YOU agree??? hehehe
sorry for some, i intentionally didn't specify yung GOD's calling for me... i want it to be between me and GOD.. Iam also a private person hahaha its kinda not obvious lang hehehe
Saturday, August 1, 2009
In my dream, I was again attacked by him
In my dream, I was with a friend, she is touring me in Davao, dumaan kami sa mga houses sa Davao, it’s a hotel daw? Parang tourist rent spaces na houses or commercial houses, where there are no much commercial spaces tenants purus residential tenants lang, so madami talagang vancant, nadaanan namin madaming Chinese na nag aalay…nag ooffer ng mga thanks giving nila sa mga patay and saints, then pumasok kami sa isang house, there was my family, nag aalay, not much food compare sa neighbour na andun at nag aalay din, hindi siya full ng mga alay na food, but full siya ng mga incense and pang alay na mga parng amulets and figures, I sat and watch and tell my mom na mali yun, then sabi niya na I should do etong pag aalay kase eto ang tama, ma-blebless daw me and ma-gigive ang mga dreams and wants ko.. I said no.. after a while may kinuha me isang red na square na pang alay ata yun with a chinese charater on it, all I have to do is kinda light it ata or just place it near the wall para mag start na siya, at first sabi ko daw ok im just going to light it lang naman kaya walang masama, but yung motive ng heart ko is to have the blessings na sinasabi ng mom ko, to have all the things I want to have.. then nung palapit na ako sa wall where ilalagay ko yun, bigla ko naisip na mali pa din yun, im not glorifying GOD, and what a shame for me to do this just to have worldly blessings here on earth, so tinapon ko siya, yung red na square, my mom said why? sabay sabi ko I won’t do this, mali eto, then dun na nag start lahat… bigla umusok yung red na square parang incense siya, then may nagalit sakin, si satan yun, medyo magulo na yung mga nangyayari, ang bilis ng mga pangyayari, yung place masyadong smoky na, and naririnig ko siya nag sasalita sa dream ko that time galit nag galit sakin si satan, family ko were there pero wala sila ginagawa they watch me lang how satan attacked me, madami akong pain physically na-feel sa dream ko kase galit siya sakin sa ginawa ko, but I can’t remember na now mga ginawa niya, all the time one thing im sure I keep on calling the name of GOD.. satan seems to appear in all places sa dream ko… sa lahat.. even sa screen ng laptop… it was really scary, but by this time unlike sa other dreams ko, I can’t remember the face of him, then I saw a mini portal sa wall… una sabi ko k mama mukhang portal yun to his side, then eventually lumalaki yung portal, para siyang isang hole na tumatagos yung hands ko.. so I prayed….i keep on praying praying….then bigla andun yung aunt ko,my mom youngest sister, she was sitting on the floor na mukhang kaka anak lang, then I saw a baby near the portal na that time e palaki palang, andun banda nakaupo aunt ko, then sabi ko paano nag ka baby dito, then nasa parang cacha clothe siya o sako, then ginawa I lifted the baby along with the clothe, I didn’t even touched his flesh, then I threw him back sa portal sabi ko there you belong son of satan, sa loob ng portal nasilip ko, para siyang kakaiba, para siyang , old stadium na hindi mala Romans or Greek type stadium, I can remember it now but don’t know how to describe it, its dimmy but not super dark, but wala rin sunshine dun, parang yung stadium may malaking ring match na execution hall…??? Anyway, kumuha ako ng tubig, then sabi ko hindi eto holy water but sabi ko mainit na yung portal at lumalki, alam mo ano istura ng wall, alam mo ang papel na nasusunog? Same ganun way nasusunog yung wall, hinagis ko yung water unti unti sa portal while praying, parang walang na nangyari, the whole time I just keep on praying, then yung aunt ko bumangon and hinahanap yung baby niya, sabi ko tinapon ko nga and my family din yun din ang sabi, sinugod niya ako, she grab me, super strong siya super lakas niya, sinasaktan niya ako, kaya niya ako i-lift and ang sakit ng mga kamay niya, ang tulis ng mga nails niya, malaki mata niya while telling me na bakit mo ginawa yun? Bakit mo hinagis dun? Alam mo ba kung gaano kahirap at katagal i-concieve nung baby na yun, I keep on explaining to her na the baby is not 100% human, hindi siya tao, and yun yung tama ibalik siya dun, then again I pray, I pray, I pray…binitawan na niya ako, then nakita ko yung wall nag start na bumalik sa normal lumiliit yung portal, then sabi ko how come? hindi naman holy water yung tinapon ko dun na water and I even ask my self, true ba na may holy water? Then , I realize sa dream ko na holy yung water kase Iam praying earnestly nung hinahagis ko yun, so kumuha again me ng tubig mas madami, then I started basain mga computers then tama nga nawawala si satan.. the house is full of smoke diba and mainit, para siyang nasususnog yung feeling inside pero walang fire, binasa ko ng binasa lahat sa loob ng house, until maging normal na again sa loob ng house, then I prayed again and I thank GOD na hindi niya ako iniwan and super powerful siya and im so sorry na muntik me maka gawa ng mali that time sa dream ko, I first thought of na this is just little mistake, wala naman masama if gawin ko din… but hindi ganun yun eh…
1Samuel 15:22 “Does the Lord delight in offering and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better that sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”
This is the only verse umiikot sa utak ko while im writing this….Im so thankful that GOD is with me in my dreams but so sorry that a part of me failed and that part of me did want or was tempted to have this earthly promises….but here I learned.
1Samuel 15:22 “Does the Lord delight in offering and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better that sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”
This is the only verse umiikot sa utak ko while im writing this….Im so thankful that GOD is with me in my dreams but so sorry that a part of me failed and that part of me did want or was tempted to have this earthly promises….but here I learned.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Ideal Guy
I thank GOD after knowing that HE wants me to get marry, HE also let me know what kind of a guy I should marry or look for hehe…. First he should have the zealousness of serving GOD, there’s a big difference between enjoying and wanting to serve and having the zealousness of serving GOD. Second he should be a good leader, a person who have wisdom and can decide wisely, with life goal and someone who have gained the respect of people around him. Third he and me should get along well, together grow and serve GOD, together would glorify GOD, and would compliment GOD’s will.
Celibacy
For a year I’ve been asking GOD if I have the gift of singleness also known as celibacy, quite long to fully know the answer. Along this time I am fighting the feelings I have of admiring guys, yet sometimes there also an absence of attraction for them. hehehe I find them ordinary and common… c”,) There are also times that I enjoy the company of my own, being alone wondering the mall, eating, shopping and doing everything by myself. There are signs that I can live life without partner, that having GOD is enough. So my love life has been completely idle for months, or more than a year? Haha actually until now, it is completely idle. That time, there are guys who planned to court me, who courted me, and stand by to court me, but none of them I entertained hehe so time passed they all got tired and left ( mostly non-believer )… not until this last May to June, for two months GOD keeps on answering my prayer in HIS ways regards to this and other prayers.. c”,) I won’t share the complete details how GOD answered my prayers. c”,) but it only lead to one answer that GOD wants me to go and multiply :p hehe to get married hehe c”,) well thank GOD that he answered me, because all the while I thought I have this gift, and I am enjoying everything by myself and planning of living life serving GOD alone and accepting that if it is HIS will for me not to get marry, well I am so willing to, who am I not to follow my boss order hehehe truly I thank GOD everytime HE answers prayer c”,)
Serving GOD, serving More
Last May, after the young pro retreat we had at Tagaytay Highlands, after few days I realized that it is only GOD, who can truly accept and love me for who I am, only HIM, and no other. Knowing all HIS words, all HE has given me, and all the Love HE has shown me, making HIM my all is what I am supposed to do. Serving HIM is one thing I really love to do, actually it is still not enough, because all the much I can do for HIM, I should. Anything for GOD, I should. And now I am so committed of serving HIM, and I thank GOD for that, for making me realized things more. And I pray that this will grow more, not the opposite c”,)
I was born to serve
One beautiful morning about two weeks ago, I and my mom were having breakfast together while having a chat; we were like updating each other, then we come up with spiritual topic. My mom is a Buddhist Catholic believer. When I am sharing my faith with her, my beliefs and telling her how much I am so born to serve GOD, she smiled and said to me, “You know what, when I was conceiving you, I talked to GOD, and prayed that I want this first child of mine to be a Nun.. to serve you with all her heart..” Then my heart was delighted and filled with joy, telling my self, so now I know… I may not become a Nun because I am not a Catholic believer, but I still have this great passion and faith of serving my one mighty GOD… isn’t it great? c”,)
Part of me feels like this :|
I don’t know but for 3 days, part of me feels like Lost? Confused? Sad? I don’t know…
Feels like I have a problem but I can’t determine what specifically, part of me is scared, part of me is hurt… there’s a mixed emotion which I don’t know where did these came from…. And how did these occur… and what cause these… so right now I feel so guilty, guilty that I am so in love with GOD yet I feel these trash stuff… which don’t glorify him at all…. I just hope that tomorrow... everything will be alright… and I think I have to pray for these… c”,)
Feels like I have a problem but I can’t determine what specifically, part of me is scared, part of me is hurt… there’s a mixed emotion which I don’t know where did these came from…. And how did these occur… and what cause these… so right now I feel so guilty, guilty that I am so in love with GOD yet I feel these trash stuff… which don’t glorify him at all…. I just hope that tomorrow... everything will be alright… and I think I have to pray for these… c”,)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I cannot hurt her more….
How can I tell my friend not to marry her non-believer boyfriend, when she is so inlove and currently having difficulties with their personal circumstances, and they are in the process of resolving everything, because they are so inlove with each other. The wedding is near if permitted, but other friends are telling me, that it is my responsibility to rebuke her, its hard, know why, last year they have done that to me, repeatedly convincing me to rebuke her, so last year I did, but what happen is that her boyfriend ended up texting me foul words and hard words, it turns out my friend even sided with her boyfriend, so again one of our friends suggested me to totally layuan my best friend, I did, we had a cold war, but you know what happen next, that time I find it left behind with the situation, this friends who convince me to rebuke her are totally not affected with the situation. And thank GOD also because after 2-3 months of not talking with my friend and missing her we both got back. Then I told her that im not going to make pake-alam na their relationship, so here the situation go again, a friend again is giving me the responsibility to rebuke her, for days I was bothered and keep on thinking, I decided not to do it again, especially right now na I know marami siya/sila pinag daraanan, just the thought na pag sinabi ko all sakanya, masasaktan siya, nasasaktan na ako.. so I decided na not to, I believe she is matured enough and with enough wisdom to know what’s right and not, what’s GOD’s will and not, what’s GOD’s words and not, I defended sa friend namin na if gusto niya since alam niya, he rebuke her instead kase iam not going to do it na again, so sabi ko hindi ko kaya. And if ever GOD really permitted their marriage, well I think it is still in GOD’s plan and GOD’s will, I believe every thing happen for a reason and that reason we don’t know, and only GOD knows. c”,) so i'll pray for her/them and let GOD do the work c",) also I will ask GOD for forgiveness if this is a sin c",)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Charles Ross Weede compared the achievement of Alexander, the Greek emperor, with the Lord Jesus Christ in his poem:
Charles Ross Weede compared the achievement of Alexander, the Greek emperor, with the Lord Jesus Christ in his poem:
Jesus and Alexander died at thirty three,
One lived and died for self, one died for you and me.
The Greek died on the throne, the Jew died on a cross,
One’s life a triumph seemed, the other but a loss.
One led vast armies forth, the other walked alone;
One shed a whole world’s blood, the other gave His own,
One won the world in life and lost it all in death,
The other lost His life to win the whole world’s faith.
Jesus and Alexander died at thirty three,
One died in Babylon and one in Calvary.
One gained all for self, and one Himself He gave,
One conquered every throne, the other every grave.
One won all the earth to lose all earth and heaven,
The other gave up all that all to Him be given.
The Greek forever died, the Jew forever lives,
He loses all who only gets, and wins all who truly gives.
***Alexander won the whole world in life and conquered every throne.
***Jesus said “My Kingdom is not of this world” John 18:36.
Jesus and Alexander died at thirty three,
One lived and died for self, one died for you and me.
The Greek died on the throne, the Jew died on a cross,
One’s life a triumph seemed, the other but a loss.
One led vast armies forth, the other walked alone;
One shed a whole world’s blood, the other gave His own,
One won the world in life and lost it all in death,
The other lost His life to win the whole world’s faith.
Jesus and Alexander died at thirty three,
One died in Babylon and one in Calvary.
One gained all for self, and one Himself He gave,
One conquered every throne, the other every grave.
One won all the earth to lose all earth and heaven,
The other gave up all that all to Him be given.
The Greek forever died, the Jew forever lives,
He loses all who only gets, and wins all who truly gives.
***Alexander won the whole world in life and conquered every throne.
***Jesus said “My Kingdom is not of this world” John 18:36.
Monday, April 6, 2009
In my dream, I was again attacked….
Dreams??? What is a dream? For others or it was define as just a human psychology of images that travel through our unconscious mind. But for me.. Sometimes its more than that.
The story begins here… I was a very busy person and I met a group of people who wanted to explore or experiment with meditation… at first we we’re only 3 or 4 inside that car.. But eventually the number grew, I happen just to join the ride without the intention of joining their experiments but it seems like I was also with the group the entire story, I also don’t know how I came to be with them and be inside the car. The group was into road trip and actively joining the road trip working adventure.. its like working on a daily basis and be employed where they happen to stop, no permanent employment. The first meditation they did is in a room where there is only light but no air or fan.. the walls are all wood.. the group started to sweat.. the next day the group agen start another meditation where we were like inside a comfort room and there is a table ad we will stand there and meditate, here the room was all made up of glass. The third day , the meditation is like playing and laughing, here my friend Ryan Chuacokiong was in the group.. I ask him what he is doing there but he just lied on the floor and meditate… after I was with a girl friend.. Forgot who but we were like in a restaurant on top of a hill… where there is fresh air n good ambiance but that time I cant see any view.. There I saw my 3rd ex friends, his friends in st. benilde, I saw them in group waiting for some more friends to arrive.. it was a familiar scenario, and in my dream I can tell, its lie a blast in the past in my dream, its like parang “ I was also here the time na they we’re also here na hindi pa kami, or the time na before I met him, so he arrive with a familiar face, familiar clothes and familiar place.. so they didn’t recognize me kase in reality daw that time we haven’t met, I just don’t know how and why I came to that point of time, so that time I kinda feel something, the want of peace, to make peace with him, there comes a very super duper handsome guy, he holds time and predicts time, at first siyempre I didn’t know, so he approach me and without a word, he did something for mike to know me that time, for him to adjust the memory into the future and make everything in the future of that time be visible to him, so mike recognizes me na and everything that happened, the handsome guy, make a way for the friends of mike to leave so that mike and me can talk and be at peace. So it did happened, mike knew the handsome guy for a long time na daw and so… so after he leave after the hand shake… and I was so happy that time and told him that at last I can now move on and its like an answered prayer to be peace with him… the handsome guy approach me once again and he started telling me of his capabilities, he is not so superior but he has a power, he can move to time, he can see the future, then the thing he told me, “that I am about to die, soon, coz ill be having a brain tumor.“ he even touch my head at the back and made me feel how it hurts pala and advices me to see a doctor and have it check and operated soon. So we went separate ways then I was with Claudette Guevarra na… She saw all what had happened, she kinda believe but didn’t get that affected the way I did, but she brought lots of fliers with her and brought it to me, she keeps telling me that that guy was very famous and and expert in that field. So we also went talking about the brain tumor, she advised me to check with a doctor to check, and had it operated soon, so I was worried that time… I was worried of my life, the operation, the expenses and who and how to see a good doctor for me to survive this… so we went to an old hospital where there is only one elevator, a very old yet fast elevator, so the doctor clinic was on the 10th floor, but the doctor wasn’t there, then a janitor advice us to go to the 6th floor where people where there, so I and Claudette went there and entering 6th floor, there is a garden a very relaxing place to be, but almost everyone in their own group are so relax.. They are all sited and meditating.. not even one, dare to approach or dare to look at us.. the thought we we’re asking them where is the doctor… then this handsome man came to me again and approach me, he said that I should really see the doctor because my time of dying is becoming near.. so again I was so worried and terrified, he offered me a prediction, that time I was given the chance to say no unlike the first time he speaks to me, I immediately answered him with a no and I am not interested, for it is not good to listen to him because I am becoming more worried and crying everytime he said this tom me and it is not my believe to listen with his prediction. And I said to him, GOD is in control and even if I am dying of this sickness even if it sounds impossible to an ordinary human to let this sickness be gone without an operation, there is nothing impossible with GOD if I pray, and ask him to heal me, if I am not healed maybe it is his will, so I quickly get rid of his site and drag Claudette to the elevator to leave the place… when we saw Kenneth Tolentino and also drag him in a hurry to leave the place… and told them that I want to see boksu and tell boksu Danny Reyes everything that had happened. I saw Remington inside the elevator and ride alone and went down, I didn’t got the chance to call him and say stop. The elevator is gone, yet there is an elevator opening, so I convince Claudette and Kenneth to jump than to be on that place with that guy. They said we will die, I told them no just pray and have faith when we jump, so we jump and by surprise we we’re alive when we reach the ground, because Kenneth has a strong faith which helps us survive. Then it was again the 6th floor. We we’re back again to that floor with a different image, then there is no door for us to pass to the safer ground coz if not we’ll be trap on that open space elevator, so wee decided to punch kick and destroy the wall, then we saw light again and human, but still there is an imaginary wall that we cannot pass through immediately so I told them we can pass through here its all in faith, then we we’re able to enter. I saw boksu right away, but he was leaving and approaching to an elevator to the balcony of this 6th floor, then I saw him na sa balcony.i was calling him, yet he is not answering my shout. Not looking at me. Then on my left side balcony I saw Ryan Ching, then on my right side ground was Ryan Chuacokiong, I told them that I need to talk to boksu and ask for help.. then boksu approach me, then he talk to me, I forgot how did he talk to me but that time, I felt that it wasn’t boksu that I should not trust that man I am talking to, then he himself revealed that he was not really boksu, he is the handsome man, he again transformed and laughing and wanted revenge on me. He keeps on talking and talking and I cant remember in what he is saying to me because that time I was so busy ignoring him by asking this fellow friends of mine to help me pray and fight this guy, the face of the handsome guy is transforming fast of an unexplainable sight, its like a monster that I cant remember how to describe then be back again to boksu face then again back to his handsome face. Then I said that I wont be afraid of him and fight him, so I and the fellows pray, then he really swing flying towards me yet not the chance of hurting me and really come near me, then I don’t know he just became a small stuff toy… I grab the stuff toy, if I am not mistaken I can remember that it was a dog or bear stuff toy and began hurting it to kill it but it was lifeless, then a voice in my thought said that I will come back… then I woke up… Again can’t believe that it does happen again. He again attacked me in my dreams. Then I pray to GOD that even in my dreams he hears my prayers. After I touch me back head to touch if it hurts the same hurt I felt in my dream… but it doesn’t hurt.. but the feeling of touching my head feels the same, I mean the bone structured that I touched is the same bone structure that I felt when I touch my head in my dreams.
Really I know a lot of people wont agree or believe with my dreams when I say that it is really the evil who I have encountered, I can still say that it is really possible because the time I slept before I dreamed I was worried and guilty, so maybe he had a foothold of worrying in me that is why he was able to attack me again. Which is clearly stated in the bible that; do not worry, for worry is a sin. (Matthew 6:25-34) We also are aware that GOD doesn’t speak in dream anymore so there is no hidden meaning or any translation needed. (Daniel 7:15-28)
The story begins here… I was a very busy person and I met a group of people who wanted to explore or experiment with meditation… at first we we’re only 3 or 4 inside that car.. But eventually the number grew, I happen just to join the ride without the intention of joining their experiments but it seems like I was also with the group the entire story, I also don’t know how I came to be with them and be inside the car. The group was into road trip and actively joining the road trip working adventure.. its like working on a daily basis and be employed where they happen to stop, no permanent employment. The first meditation they did is in a room where there is only light but no air or fan.. the walls are all wood.. the group started to sweat.. the next day the group agen start another meditation where we were like inside a comfort room and there is a table ad we will stand there and meditate, here the room was all made up of glass. The third day , the meditation is like playing and laughing, here my friend Ryan Chuacokiong was in the group.. I ask him what he is doing there but he just lied on the floor and meditate… after I was with a girl friend.. Forgot who but we were like in a restaurant on top of a hill… where there is fresh air n good ambiance but that time I cant see any view.. There I saw my 3rd ex friends, his friends in st. benilde, I saw them in group waiting for some more friends to arrive.. it was a familiar scenario, and in my dream I can tell, its lie a blast in the past in my dream, its like parang “ I was also here the time na they we’re also here na hindi pa kami, or the time na before I met him, so he arrive with a familiar face, familiar clothes and familiar place.. so they didn’t recognize me kase in reality daw that time we haven’t met, I just don’t know how and why I came to that point of time, so that time I kinda feel something, the want of peace, to make peace with him, there comes a very super duper handsome guy, he holds time and predicts time, at first siyempre I didn’t know, so he approach me and without a word, he did something for mike to know me that time, for him to adjust the memory into the future and make everything in the future of that time be visible to him, so mike recognizes me na and everything that happened, the handsome guy, make a way for the friends of mike to leave so that mike and me can talk and be at peace. So it did happened, mike knew the handsome guy for a long time na daw and so… so after he leave after the hand shake… and I was so happy that time and told him that at last I can now move on and its like an answered prayer to be peace with him… the handsome guy approach me once again and he started telling me of his capabilities, he is not so superior but he has a power, he can move to time, he can see the future, then the thing he told me, “that I am about to die, soon, coz ill be having a brain tumor.“ he even touch my head at the back and made me feel how it hurts pala and advices me to see a doctor and have it check and operated soon. So we went separate ways then I was with Claudette Guevarra na… She saw all what had happened, she kinda believe but didn’t get that affected the way I did, but she brought lots of fliers with her and brought it to me, she keeps telling me that that guy was very famous and and expert in that field. So we also went talking about the brain tumor, she advised me to check with a doctor to check, and had it operated soon, so I was worried that time… I was worried of my life, the operation, the expenses and who and how to see a good doctor for me to survive this… so we went to an old hospital where there is only one elevator, a very old yet fast elevator, so the doctor clinic was on the 10th floor, but the doctor wasn’t there, then a janitor advice us to go to the 6th floor where people where there, so I and Claudette went there and entering 6th floor, there is a garden a very relaxing place to be, but almost everyone in their own group are so relax.. They are all sited and meditating.. not even one, dare to approach or dare to look at us.. the thought we we’re asking them where is the doctor… then this handsome man came to me again and approach me, he said that I should really see the doctor because my time of dying is becoming near.. so again I was so worried and terrified, he offered me a prediction, that time I was given the chance to say no unlike the first time he speaks to me, I immediately answered him with a no and I am not interested, for it is not good to listen to him because I am becoming more worried and crying everytime he said this tom me and it is not my believe to listen with his prediction. And I said to him, GOD is in control and even if I am dying of this sickness even if it sounds impossible to an ordinary human to let this sickness be gone without an operation, there is nothing impossible with GOD if I pray, and ask him to heal me, if I am not healed maybe it is his will, so I quickly get rid of his site and drag Claudette to the elevator to leave the place… when we saw Kenneth Tolentino and also drag him in a hurry to leave the place… and told them that I want to see boksu and tell boksu Danny Reyes everything that had happened. I saw Remington inside the elevator and ride alone and went down, I didn’t got the chance to call him and say stop. The elevator is gone, yet there is an elevator opening, so I convince Claudette and Kenneth to jump than to be on that place with that guy. They said we will die, I told them no just pray and have faith when we jump, so we jump and by surprise we we’re alive when we reach the ground, because Kenneth has a strong faith which helps us survive. Then it was again the 6th floor. We we’re back again to that floor with a different image, then there is no door for us to pass to the safer ground coz if not we’ll be trap on that open space elevator, so wee decided to punch kick and destroy the wall, then we saw light again and human, but still there is an imaginary wall that we cannot pass through immediately so I told them we can pass through here its all in faith, then we we’re able to enter. I saw boksu right away, but he was leaving and approaching to an elevator to the balcony of this 6th floor, then I saw him na sa balcony.i was calling him, yet he is not answering my shout. Not looking at me. Then on my left side balcony I saw Ryan Ching, then on my right side ground was Ryan Chuacokiong, I told them that I need to talk to boksu and ask for help.. then boksu approach me, then he talk to me, I forgot how did he talk to me but that time, I felt that it wasn’t boksu that I should not trust that man I am talking to, then he himself revealed that he was not really boksu, he is the handsome man, he again transformed and laughing and wanted revenge on me. He keeps on talking and talking and I cant remember in what he is saying to me because that time I was so busy ignoring him by asking this fellow friends of mine to help me pray and fight this guy, the face of the handsome guy is transforming fast of an unexplainable sight, its like a monster that I cant remember how to describe then be back again to boksu face then again back to his handsome face. Then I said that I wont be afraid of him and fight him, so I and the fellows pray, then he really swing flying towards me yet not the chance of hurting me and really come near me, then I don’t know he just became a small stuff toy… I grab the stuff toy, if I am not mistaken I can remember that it was a dog or bear stuff toy and began hurting it to kill it but it was lifeless, then a voice in my thought said that I will come back… then I woke up… Again can’t believe that it does happen again. He again attacked me in my dreams. Then I pray to GOD that even in my dreams he hears my prayers. After I touch me back head to touch if it hurts the same hurt I felt in my dream… but it doesn’t hurt.. but the feeling of touching my head feels the same, I mean the bone structured that I touched is the same bone structure that I felt when I touch my head in my dreams.
Really I know a lot of people wont agree or believe with my dreams when I say that it is really the evil who I have encountered, I can still say that it is really possible because the time I slept before I dreamed I was worried and guilty, so maybe he had a foothold of worrying in me that is why he was able to attack me again. Which is clearly stated in the bible that; do not worry, for worry is a sin. (Matthew 6:25-34) We also are aware that GOD doesn’t speak in dream anymore so there is no hidden meaning or any translation needed. (Daniel 7:15-28)
Monday, February 23, 2009
Commuter Christian
One thing good about commuting is that one tend to see the real world. See pag nag commute ka naglalakad ka, nakaka langhap ka ng pollution maduming hangin ang alikabok, nasisikatan ka ng matinding init ng araw, at nakaka salubong mo ang mga taong average at poor. Well about sa pollution and maduming hangin magiging aware ka kung gaano na kadumi ang earth sa ginagawa ng tao. Sa matinding init ng araw, aware ka na sa global warming, na super abusive ng mga tao kaya yan nasira na ang nature na create ni GOD. How selfish and bad ng tao super sinner talaga. Kapal natin sa mga pinag gagawa natin sa creation ni GOD. Anyway sa mga nakaka salubong naman na tao, makikita mo how amazingly GOD created us, madami masamang tao sa daan na makaka salubong lalo na ditto sa Philippines, at alam natin lahat yun, but kahit gaano ka-dangerous, there is something good na nakita ko, kase may mga tao pa din na may malasakit sa kapwa nila, may malasakit sa mga strangers… hehe paano ko nasabi? Like for example, bukas zipper ko, bukas na buttons ng damit ko, naka-open yung bag ko or may nalaglag me na gamit, makikita mo na etong mga strangers na eto ang mag papansin at sasabihin sakin na ganyan yung bagay, diba after ang sarap ng feeling. Thank GOD. But still makaka encounter ka pa din ng taong masama na pag bukas yung buttons ng damit mo eh mag papa kaduling duling sa kaka silip, at kung bukas yung bag mo eh sasamantalahin, dudukutan ka pa… well still Thank GOD kase marunong tayo mag patawad sa mga nagkakasala satin. Sa pag lalakad ko madalas nag durugo ang heart ko, ang ibig ko sabihin madalas ako makakita ng mga situation o bagay bagay na kinakalungkot ko, like for example sa hayop muna tayo, madaming ligaw na pusa at aso, na gutom, pilay at madumi, wala lang… diba sabi ni GOD dapat natin i-rule sila and i-protect, but ano nangyayari.. may right din sila mabuhay. Nakaka sad talaga. But madami pa mas malala, pumunta naman tayo sa buhay tao. Madami ako nakikita sa daan na mga taong walang bahay. Na nag tiyatiyaga sa box na tulugan or sa mga daan. May iba nakita ko nakatira sa loob ng sidecar na ginawa ng bahay yung iba naman sa kariton. May ilang nakikita ko yung matatanda na inabanduna na ng mga pamilya nila, walang makain, disabled, madungis at namamalimos. May ilan naman nakikita ko mga batang lansangan, wala sa iskwelahan, no read no write, hindi nakaka kain ng 3 beses sa isang araw, malnourish ,may iba umaakyat ng jeep nag shine ng shoes para sa kapiranggot na coins, nag caroling, namamalimos, may ibang bata sa palengke sa gulang na 5 taon, tumutulong na bumuhat ng mga gulay, para may maitulong sa pamilya at may maipan tawid sa araw araw na gutom, isipin mo sa murang gulang marunong na sila sa mga ganyang bagay. May iba mag anak mong makikita sa daan, mag kaka samang nagugutom. Nakaka awa kung iisipin diba? Paminsan natatanong ko kay GOD bakit sila nagkaka ganito, bakit yung mga mayayaman at makapang yarihang mga tao na walang ginagawam parang hindi sila nakikita, pinapa bayaan lang ang gantong mga bagay, at parang kahit konying yaman nila hindi man lang maipamahagi sakanila,nag papakasasa pa sila, yung ibang mga pulitiko pa mismo ang nag nanakaw ng dapat na ay tinutulong sakanila, pero alam mo Thank GOD pa din ako, kase sinagot ako agad ni GOD, kase inallow ni GOD na makita ko lahat ng eto, binigyan me ni GOD ng purpose and goal sa life. And I feel so blessed. Eto ang kinaganda ng pag commute. Hope makita mo din yung ibig kong sabihin. C”,)
Friday, November 7, 2008
Kwento ng isang kaibigan… (true to life survivor)
May isa akong friend.. nag kwento siya sa akin ng isang karanasan sa buhay niya na masasabi ko na ang brave niya na tao at bilib ako sakanya sa napag daanan niya ang ganung pag subok ng buhay…minsan inakala ko sobra na at malala na ang mga pag subok sa buhay na pinag daraanan ko… pero nung tiningnan at pinakingan ko ng mabuti ang mundo.. napapahinto ako… at napapaisip at na-guguilty… napa ka blessed ko pala…dahil sa lahat ng sakit na pinag daraanan ko may natutunan ako… kaya nung huminto ako para mag isip.. napadasal ako..
“GOD, sorry, kung minsan naitanung ko sayo at hindi maintindihan ang mga pinagdaraan ko, sorry kung minsan noon nagalit ako sayo, sorry dahil nasaktan kita at naging makasarili ako… and most of all thank you dahil mahal mo ko at ibinigay mo sakin lahat ng eto… pinagpa-pray ko din po sana yung others na mas nangangailangan po ng tulong mo po.. listen to their prayers po… amen “
Eto ang kwento ng kaibigan ko… 20-21 years old siya noon… 2006, pumapasok siya sa college as normal student… that time… sumasakit lagi every morning yung tiyan niya.. sobra sakit lagi.. may ugali kase siya na pag may sakit siya hindi siya nag sasabi sa parents niya.. that time inisip niya na either empacho o kabag lang yun.. kase sasakit ng 1 hour tapus normal na the whole day almost everyday… then one day sa school.. nag special class siya one on one sa professor niya sa faculty rom… nag paalam siya mag comfort room sa pag aakalang natatae lang siya… then yung professor niya umalis din to go somewhere natagalan… pag punta niya sa banyo na nasa sulok sulok ng office room, sumakit tiyan na sa point na napaupo na siya sa sakit.. nahihilo siya at feeling hihimatayin sa sakit… pero tinapangan niya at inisip na lalabanan niya yung sakit.. hindi na siya maka lakad that time.. kaya napa upo nalang siya sa toilet bowl for one hour at nung naisip niya na kailangan na niya lumabas else walang makaka alam na andun siya full effort siya lumabas pag ka labas nakita siya ng professor niya na namumutla na at nanghihina.. pinupo siya pinaypayan, dinala sa clinic at pinainum ng gamot, then hinatid na siya ng mga friends niya sa house, pag dating sa house, tiniis pa din niya yung sakit til hindi na niya kaya nag sabi na siya sa parents niya at nag padala na sa hospital.. sa hospital dinala siya sa emergency room at dun sinuri at akala pa ng doctor na buntis siya.. nakipag talo pa siya sa doctor dahil wala siyang boy friend so paano mangyayari yun, ayaw pa niya mag give ng urine sa doctor to have the examination kase nga naiinis siya so nagtalo pa sila ng doctor til ihing ihi na siya naibigay na niya yung urine niya for the test, after lumabas negative nga, hindi buntis, so inakala ng mga doctor baka appendicitis na yun, so ni-start na yung operation, then nakita ng mga doctor na namamaga nga yung appendix niya.. but not because appendix ang prob.. but because kase nauusog na yung appendix niya at mga internal organs dahil sa may ovary niya may malaki ng bag of blood, so binuksan na ng mga doctor yung whole tiyan niya, pinapasok yung mom niya sa operating room at sinabihan kung ano yung situation at sinabi kung ano procedure gagawin, they agreed so okey na.. tinangal yung malaking bag of blood, hindi siya entirely nalinis ng mabuti kase may mga sticky something na blood na kumakapit.. so kinuha yung mga nakuha sa tiyan to have an examination again, so by this time 2 weeks staka daw makukuha ang result, pag gising niya gulat siya why ang laki nghiwa ng tiyan niya kung appendix lang naman yung ino-perate, so they explained everything to her, so after few days umuwi na siya to rest, after 2 weeks tumawag na nga yung doctor sa house nila at pinapunta yung mom niya sa hospital urgent and immediately. Then nung umuwi na yung mom niya from the hospital sabi “anak, kainin mo na lahat ng gusto mong kainin” then few days nakikita niya yung mom niya talking to their realtives umiiyak, mga relatives niya visiting her sa kanila then giving her all, til one day nalaman na nga niya yung truth about sa sakit niya, may chocolatesis siya o ovarian cancer siya…nasa family nila yung ganun sakit, genetics, imagine too young for cancer diba.. na-sad siya at first pero naisip niya kung papa apekto siya hindi din naman siya gagaling, she prayed deeply to GOD and just accepted the fact na ganun na nga… she fights to survive sa sakit na pinag daraanan niya, umiiyak siya pero hindi niya pinapakita sa family niya, instead pinapakita niya na malakas siya at masaya siya…thank GOD at nasa low stage palang yung sakit niya at curable pa naman pag nag chemotherapy siya or radiotherapy siya , so she under go the theraphy for 6 months, so far the result was good, gumaling siya, and now living a normal life….but may chance na bumalik yung sakit niya, remember as I’ve mentioned kanina hindi fully nalinis yung ovary niya nung blood sticky na nakuha sakanya, and its not advisable na ioperate siya again sabi ng mga doctor… and the fact na forever niya dadalhin yung fact na wala na siya ng chance na mag ka anak.. sad in a way, but still given the chance to extend her life is something to be grateful of.. kaya now she needs a guy na maintindihan situation niya na hindi na siya pwede pa mag ka anak..
See? How grateful should we be… dahil hindi natin naranasan yung naranasan niya…. Siya nga she did hold on to GOD pa… So kung feeling miserable ka.. think again there are others na mas pa ang pinag daraanan.. thanks for reading my blog… more stories to come… c”,)
“GOD, sorry, kung minsan naitanung ko sayo at hindi maintindihan ang mga pinagdaraan ko, sorry kung minsan noon nagalit ako sayo, sorry dahil nasaktan kita at naging makasarili ako… and most of all thank you dahil mahal mo ko at ibinigay mo sakin lahat ng eto… pinagpa-pray ko din po sana yung others na mas nangangailangan po ng tulong mo po.. listen to their prayers po… amen “
Eto ang kwento ng kaibigan ko… 20-21 years old siya noon… 2006, pumapasok siya sa college as normal student… that time… sumasakit lagi every morning yung tiyan niya.. sobra sakit lagi.. may ugali kase siya na pag may sakit siya hindi siya nag sasabi sa parents niya.. that time inisip niya na either empacho o kabag lang yun.. kase sasakit ng 1 hour tapus normal na the whole day almost everyday… then one day sa school.. nag special class siya one on one sa professor niya sa faculty rom… nag paalam siya mag comfort room sa pag aakalang natatae lang siya… then yung professor niya umalis din to go somewhere natagalan… pag punta niya sa banyo na nasa sulok sulok ng office room, sumakit tiyan na sa point na napaupo na siya sa sakit.. nahihilo siya at feeling hihimatayin sa sakit… pero tinapangan niya at inisip na lalabanan niya yung sakit.. hindi na siya maka lakad that time.. kaya napa upo nalang siya sa toilet bowl for one hour at nung naisip niya na kailangan na niya lumabas else walang makaka alam na andun siya full effort siya lumabas pag ka labas nakita siya ng professor niya na namumutla na at nanghihina.. pinupo siya pinaypayan, dinala sa clinic at pinainum ng gamot, then hinatid na siya ng mga friends niya sa house, pag dating sa house, tiniis pa din niya yung sakit til hindi na niya kaya nag sabi na siya sa parents niya at nag padala na sa hospital.. sa hospital dinala siya sa emergency room at dun sinuri at akala pa ng doctor na buntis siya.. nakipag talo pa siya sa doctor dahil wala siyang boy friend so paano mangyayari yun, ayaw pa niya mag give ng urine sa doctor to have the examination kase nga naiinis siya so nagtalo pa sila ng doctor til ihing ihi na siya naibigay na niya yung urine niya for the test, after lumabas negative nga, hindi buntis, so inakala ng mga doctor baka appendicitis na yun, so ni-start na yung operation, then nakita ng mga doctor na namamaga nga yung appendix niya.. but not because appendix ang prob.. but because kase nauusog na yung appendix niya at mga internal organs dahil sa may ovary niya may malaki ng bag of blood, so binuksan na ng mga doctor yung whole tiyan niya, pinapasok yung mom niya sa operating room at sinabihan kung ano yung situation at sinabi kung ano procedure gagawin, they agreed so okey na.. tinangal yung malaking bag of blood, hindi siya entirely nalinis ng mabuti kase may mga sticky something na blood na kumakapit.. so kinuha yung mga nakuha sa tiyan to have an examination again, so by this time 2 weeks staka daw makukuha ang result, pag gising niya gulat siya why ang laki nghiwa ng tiyan niya kung appendix lang naman yung ino-perate, so they explained everything to her, so after few days umuwi na siya to rest, after 2 weeks tumawag na nga yung doctor sa house nila at pinapunta yung mom niya sa hospital urgent and immediately. Then nung umuwi na yung mom niya from the hospital sabi “anak, kainin mo na lahat ng gusto mong kainin” then few days nakikita niya yung mom niya talking to their realtives umiiyak, mga relatives niya visiting her sa kanila then giving her all, til one day nalaman na nga niya yung truth about sa sakit niya, may chocolatesis siya o ovarian cancer siya…nasa family nila yung ganun sakit, genetics, imagine too young for cancer diba.. na-sad siya at first pero naisip niya kung papa apekto siya hindi din naman siya gagaling, she prayed deeply to GOD and just accepted the fact na ganun na nga… she fights to survive sa sakit na pinag daraanan niya, umiiyak siya pero hindi niya pinapakita sa family niya, instead pinapakita niya na malakas siya at masaya siya…thank GOD at nasa low stage palang yung sakit niya at curable pa naman pag nag chemotherapy siya or radiotherapy siya , so she under go the theraphy for 6 months, so far the result was good, gumaling siya, and now living a normal life….but may chance na bumalik yung sakit niya, remember as I’ve mentioned kanina hindi fully nalinis yung ovary niya nung blood sticky na nakuha sakanya, and its not advisable na ioperate siya again sabi ng mga doctor… and the fact na forever niya dadalhin yung fact na wala na siya ng chance na mag ka anak.. sad in a way, but still given the chance to extend her life is something to be grateful of.. kaya now she needs a guy na maintindihan situation niya na hindi na siya pwede pa mag ka anak..
See? How grateful should we be… dahil hindi natin naranasan yung naranasan niya…. Siya nga she did hold on to GOD pa… So kung feeling miserable ka.. think again there are others na mas pa ang pinag daraanan.. thanks for reading my blog… more stories to come… c”,)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
My ideal guy and GOD’s guy for me
Well anyway noh.. kahit wala me plans mag ka howe o mag asawa may ideal guy pa din me.. hehe wala lang para may standard lang hehe someone na Christian as in matured and continnue growing Christian… pero super importante din ang looks.. he have to be tall, white, handsome sa mga mata ko ang huggable (ayaw ko sa mataba o payatot)… mabango ( ayaw ko sa may putok, gosh hindi me makahinga, mahilig pa naman me mang amoy ng kilikili hahaha), matalino, magaling, masipag at marunong sa life… dapat hindi siya boring kasama…hindi isip bata… okey lang maging righteous huwag lang boring dapat may fun at trill ang relationship.. kase that’s life with mj… full of color and excitement.. very spontaneous and adventurous na tao me so dapat match para perfect couple… so far sa nagyon wala pa kong nahahanap na ganyang guy, meron 3 times na ko nag ka howe, my “almost” ideal guy, kaso things didn’t work out but still okey lang we all had fun that’s what I call experience hehe hindi lagi nahahanap at nakakatuluyan natin ang ideal natin.. mahirap yun.. kase parang more utak na yung ginamit which kelangan din talaga gumamit ng puso hehe dapat may “love” importante… well siyempre kelangan physically attractive siya sa mga mata ko.. mahirap na ang hindi hehe baka every morning gigising me full of regrets hehe importante mahal at accept niya ako kung sino ako.. accept niya na ganito ako.. sweet, mabait, spontaneous, mataray, masayahin, masungit, moody, talented, sporty, active, masipag, antukin, mapag mahal, maalaga, matipid sobra (barat), matakaw (paminsan patay gutom, oh my buffet hehehe) , sexy ( daring sometimes, GOD’s gift hehehe), cutie pretty and sometimes gorgeous hehehehe, makulit, sobrang sensitive, maarte paminsan, matalino (feeling magaling sometimes), ayaw mag patalo (lalo na pag tama), accept niya family ko, accept niya past ko ( na may 3 ex na ko, hey no regrets mga yun and no one can change that), accept niya schedule ko ( especially time ko with GOD).. and so importante mag kasundo kami.. ako boss at siya ang alipin… ay joke..hehehe basta magka sundo.. yung tipong kahit mag away kami ng ilang beses… harmonious pa din kaming magbabati at magkakasundo pa din in the end… and we’ll love each other after every fight…saya! how sweet… hehe Last month lang, a friend nag kwento sakin about standard for girls ng isang guy na friend namin, na gusto nila sa girls na wala pang nagiging howe… after the conversation napa isip me sabi ko sa sarili ko, oo nga noh.. paano na nga ako kung lahat ng guys sa church ganun mag isip.. wala na ko magiging howe at maka pag asawa me na sure ako Christian o wala ng chance na magkasama pa me sa list ng mga guys sa church, well affected ako for ilang weeks kaya nawala me lalo ng gana mag ka howe o mag isip pa na makaka pag asawa pa me… well I just came to realize, nung pina realize sakin ng some friends ko na hindi ganun yun mj… DUH!!! So what!! Kung hindi ako kasama sa list nila kung sino man yung mga yun if ever hehehe.. kasama ba sila sa list ko? Feeling nila super gwapo nila para mamili? Well sorry mas pretty ako para mamili at hindi mawalan, unless ayawin ko na talaga ng mag asawa hahaha… actually its more like this.. if a person really loves me.. kahit 10 pa naging howe ko.. he’ll accept.. after all howe lang yun hindi anak noh.. hehe well applicable lang etong sinasabi ko sa guys na hindi ako kasama sa list nila dahil eto ang reason hehehe then, may ilang friends ako na sinabihan ako na super sensitive daw ako and guys don’t like that daw… DUH!! Again.. So what!! Walang masama sa pagiging sensitive ko.. siguro konti pag sumobra na yung reaksyons ko cause of that sensitivity but still part yun ng pagiging girl ko.. and I think sweet and thoughtful people ang mga sensitive na tao hehehe so kung ayaw ng guy sa isang sensitive na tulad ko… may mga guys diyan na gusto yun.. o iintidihin yun.. madami pa din guys diyan na mamahalin ang ugali kong sensitive hehehe after all walang perfect girl same walang perfect guy.. c”,) walang spice ang relationship kung dull ang relationship hehe another may issue din sa ibang friends ko na daring daw me mag suot ng damit.. well in my opinion that’s fine.. occasionally… hehe sometimes okey lang maging daring.. hehe to show some skin.. some.. not all pa naman hehe… that’s fashion.. and I would truly appreciate ang guy na maiintidihan yun.. I know my limitations naman eh noh!!! Hehehe anyway someday makaka tagpo din me again ng guy na magmamahal sakin.. na almost perfect and right for me.. hehe yung will sakin ni GOD hehe
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